Saturday, December 27, 2008

Vic's stats!

I forgot to post about Victoria's 1 yr check up - all went well - she is 20lbs 4oz and 29 1/4 inches tall. Dr. said she is growing spendidly! Woohoo! She's so tiny compared to what Trevor was at this age, but that is ok - she's just petite! :-)

Let's recap:

Birth: 8lbs 13oz and 19.75in
2 Mths: 11lbs 4oz and 23in
3 Mths: 11lbs 10oz and 24in
6 Mths: 14lbs 6oz and 26in
9 Mths: 17lbs 6oz and 27in
12 Mths: 20lbs 4oz and 29.25

Christmas 2008

I've been a bit lax in my blogging but in all fairness, Christmastime is a crazy time, isn't it?

Christmas eve we went to my parents house for some food and fun! This is the first time my folks have had any little kids around at Christmas for quite some time. You know it was only 3 short months ago that we didn't even think dad would be around for Christmas, so this was a really special time for all of us. I think dad thoroughly enjoys seeing both children. And Vic totally loves her grampy! My sister Gail and her daughter, Bonnie were there as well. As usual, there was much laughter and silliness to be had. The kids got to open some of their presents as well.

Gail had bought Trevor some Spiderman undies - and didn't take the price tag off of them - well he unwrapped it and holds it up and says, "$3.00"...and we all about died laughing because it was indeed, $2.99! LOL! (BTW, did you know that some people feel that giving kids clothing as gifts, like Christmas gifts is wrong because clothes are a necessity. Who'da thunk it? Who would have guessed that giving children something like clothing was an issue? I have no intentions of stopping that lil tradition - it works for us!)

We came home Christmas eve and both kids went right to bed - we actually forgot to leave out cookies for Santa - thank goodness, Trevor is still young and doesn't quite understand the whole Santa thing, so he was none the wiser about my mistake.

Christmas morning the kids were up around 6am and Trevor immediately wanted to go open gifts, so that is just what we did! It was fun to say the least! Trevor was actually shaking with excitement! Victoria opened up one gift herself and then quickly lost interest in ripping wrapping paper up, so I ended up opening the rest of her gifts for her. LOL! I would definitely say both the kids had a lot of fun and have really enjoyed all their gifts.

Christmas afternoon Karls dad came over and joined us for dinner - we had a wonderful roast, roasted potatoes, brussel sprouts with bacon, and green beans with cream/butter. And of course, the chocolate pie that Trevor specifically asked me to make! It was a wonderful meal and we all enjoyed it immensely!

But like the saying goes - "all good things must come to an end" and so today, the Christmas tree and all the decorations came down and were put away! Our house is just too small to have that out any longer - I was desperate to have my space back and give the kids room to play again!

And now that Christmas is over, we can begin to think ahead to Trevor's 5th birthday, which is just over a month away. I swear we just brought him home - he can't possibly be 5 soon!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Sick yet again...

I swear I must have the immune system of an ant - itty bitty tiny - cause I get sick at the drop of a hat. Someone in the next town over coughs and I can catch it! I was fine all day, come home from moms house and suddenly my head hurts, my nose is running, and I can't stop sneezing - I am a mess! Oh and thanks to the brutually cold weather, my lips are so chapped they are burning, and my hands are so dry, they are cracking and bleeding.

I just want to feel good again......

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Oh what was I thinking?

I admit, I haven't been in much of a holiday mood these days - I hadn't done any of my normal holiday baking....but then I remembered last night, that I needed to make cookies, so Trevor would have something to leave out for Santa...crap! So today we make cookies and I am now up to my eyeballs is baking cookies, dirty bowls and measuring spoons, flour and everything else! Why oh why, did I wait till the last moment? UGH!

So, I've got gingersnaps, sugar cookies, chocolate crinkles...oh and chocolate fudge made....and Trevor has asked for a chocolate pie and Karl would appreciate a lemon meringue pie!

Monday, December 22, 2008

You think you know someone....

I thought I was a pretty good judge of character, but I've come to realize tonight, that I am not. People who I thought were decent, educated, good people, aren't really who they appear to be. If you don't fit into their mold, in their perfect little world, look out! Oh sure, they are nice to your face, but when your back is turned, you discover the truth. Are there no decent people really left in this world?

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The dreaded question...

My family has this hang up about breastfeeding - I've heard all sorts of comments, ranging from gross to being compared to an "old cow"....yep, the term "old cow" was used!! Nothing screams endearing like the term "old cow". I don't get the hang up that some people have with breastfeeding. It's not like I just whip my breast out all willy-nilly or that I am trying to make anyone else nurse from me! LOL!!

So, apparently, they assume that because Victoria is now a year old, I have stopped breastfeeding....but alas, I am not. So the other day, I got the question - "you're not still breastfeeding her are you?"...well by god, I am!

I just don't understand why it's anyones business in the end - she's happy and healthy and that is all that matters! So, I say, power to the boobie! LOL!

Who are these people?

I see these commercials...specifically car commercials where someone is getting a new car for Christmas. Who are these people who get a brand spankin' new car for Christmas? Are they really out there? I sure don't know anyone who got a new car for Christmas! LOL!

I sat here trying to imagine how I'd feel if on Christmas morning, there was a brand new car in my driveway...it would just seem so absurd to me...I'd like to think that when and if I was to get a brand new car, it would be my choice, or at least I'd have some input into what it was and what features/options it had! LOL!!

Oh the things that I ponder...

Monday, December 15, 2008

Mommy Confessions #3

Another installment of Mommy Confessions ...

We co-sleep! With Trevor he slept with us for basically the first four months of his life, and then wanted nothing to do with us! LOL!! But the fabulous Miss V, has been co-sleeping at least part of the night pretty much all along. She starts out in her crib and then when she wakes up in the middle of the night to nurse, yes, I am still nursing her, I bring her to bed with us.

I admit, I love it - I love having her little snuggly, warm body cuddled up to me. You know, some day she won't want to cuddle up with me (us) just as Trevor stopped. So I figure I will enjoy it while it lasts!

Fingers and brain don't want to cooperate!

I was looking back over my old blog entries, and noticed simple grammatical errors - you know, things like stop instead of step - and I've come to the conclusion, since I do know how to spell, that my brain and fingers just aren't coordinated and cooperating...I get to typing and have so much on my mind at times, and yet, I inadvertedly type the wrong words. I'd hate for anyone to think I am an imbecile!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Photoshop will be the death of me....

....of course it's in line with the kids to see who will give me the nervous breakdown and send me to my demise first! LOL!

I am having more issues lately with Photoshop than I care to shake a stick at! I am seriously getting frustrated! There is just no need for this much stress when trying to work on ones hobby - kinda defeats the purpose! Hobby = relaxing....not Hobby = stressed out crazy woman on the verge of a breakdown! LOL!!

So it's being all stupid right now - yes, I know - that is just such a grown up sentence - oh well - sue me ....but all I know is, if I loose the layout I was in the midst of working on, I am going to be severely angry - words will escape my mouth that are not fit to print!

Technology sucks sometimes!

Kids and clothing!

Trevor decided to get himself dressed today - so he put on a sweatshirt and jeans ...then decided he didn't want the sweatshirt, so he put on a thermal type shirt and over that a nice sweater vest...lol he's so proud of himself right now....its amusing to me! Suppose I could take a picture and scrap it! LOL!! Is that mean? LOL!!

Napping or the lack thereof!

Why is my sweet little princess refusing her naps? She napped all of 20 minutes this morning and now here we are at almost 4pm in the afternoon and she's yet to take an afternoon nap. What gives? It doesn't help that I feel absolutely sick to my stomach suddenly - I'd love a little rest - but alas, the fabulous Miss V just doesn't want to let mama get any rest!

Sigh............

Two steps forward.....millions of stops back....

If you recall my breastfeeding saga and my attemping to slowly wean - I figured it was time to update!

So how are we doing now with weaning? We aren't! LOL!

Yep, you read that right! No one was getting any sleep with her up numerous times crying to nurse, and what not, that Karl and I finally just said this is nuts, let's just give her the boob and get some sleep! So, she is back to nursing much like she was before - 2-3 times during the day, and 2-3 times at night - sometimes less. And we are all much happier! She loves it! So, we are now venturing into the land of what is called, "extended nursing". At this point, baring no crazy circumstances, I am just going to let her self wean.

So here is to happy nursing!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Jokes!

HA! Got to love 4 yr old jokes!

T: How did the bird cross the garden?
Me: How?
T: By airplane! (followed by hysterical laughing on his part!)

Yep - he thinks he's hysterically funny - which is the best part! LOL!!

T: Knock Knock
Me: Who's there?
T: Orange
Me: Orange who?
T: Orange me!

Again....followed by him on the floor hysterically laughing!

Oh how I love kids!

Monday, December 8, 2008

No faith in me!

I had a couple friends ask me to make Christmas cards for me - more specifically to design them - have them printed, etc.

So I figured I'd put the word out to my sisters, that I am doing so and if they'd like to order let me know and we'd work up a design, etc.

Not one took me up on the offer.

So last week my own cards came in - personally I think that they are beautiful! My mother takes a look at hers and said, that I need to be doing this professionally! I had to laugh - and I said, if my own sisters don't want to order from me and have no faith in my abliites, how am I supposed to go after strangers! HA! Mom said it's cause my family is cheap - could it be? Buy some boxed generic cards or spend a little extra to have a completely customized one of a kind card? To me it's a no brainer!

Oh well - their loss, right?

Mommy Confessions #2

Todays Mommy Confession brought to you courtesy of ....moi! LOL!

Here goes....I lie to my children! Yep, you read that right! I lie to them! I "lied" and have told them about Santa - my children believe (well more specifically Trevor) believe in Santa Claus.

I've never understood the whole not telling kids cause they'll always think your lying to them...huh?! I believed in Santa growing up and I never assumed that everything else I was told was a lie. So either I am some amazing genius or kids today are messed up!LOL!!

I refuse to deprive my children of one of the fun things about Christmas simply because some people view it as lying to ones children. And frankly if some kid ever spoiled it for mine by telling them that Santa wasn't real, I'd have a face to face - heart to heart talk with the parents of that child. No kid is going to ruin it for my children. I love Christmas and I love the innocence of children at Christmastime. There is enough depresseing stuff in this world without taking away something special and fun like Santa.

So there you have it - I lie to my kids and I have them believing in Santa and they will need therapy for years to come all from my "lie"! LOL!!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Faith in humanity restored!

So many people discredit the internet and the friendships that can be made online. I've often heard it within my own extended family - the response I get is along the lines, that these people couldn't possibly be my friends because we do not see each other face to face.

Granted, we might not be seeing each other face to face, but we talk regularly, we laugh, we cry, we share our joys, we support each other.

I have come to have many special people in my life thanks to the internet - people who were placed in my life for a reason - and my life will never be the same.

For anyone who thinks these friendships aren't real, I beg to differ. No one will ever be able to tell me that the friends I have online are somehow less because we don't live in the same town.

Imagine my surprise when a package arrived on Tuesday - I had no idea who it was from - it was a Laugh and Learn puppy for Victoria's birthday - and then I had an email from an anonymous friend - someone who knew of our struggles lately - and wanted to do something special for Victoria and I - to let me know that people do care - and this person has chosen to remain anonymous - they aren't looking for recognition or glory - but merely to brighten my day. I thank you for your generosity! Thank you for reminding me that there are still wonderful people out there in this crazy world! When the news is full of heartbreak, and you shake your head wondering what has become of the world today, it's nice to see that decent people still do exsist!

Victoria loves her new puppy! :-)

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Struggling to cope...

I just got the report in the mail from the Developmental Clinic we went to two weeks ago for Trevor's evaluation. Even though I already had the answer in person when we left that day, reading the report is like having my breath taken away, but not in the good way. I feel like I've been punched in the chest - knocked to the ground - wind out of my sails.

There is something about seeing it in black and white - having this paper(s) in front of you to read over and over - the words - "Trevor does meet full criteria for a diagnosis of Asperger's Disorder". I am sitting here crying - never in a million years would I have imagined that this perfect baby I brought home from the hospital would have anything wrong down the road. My heart is aching - my mind is in a whirl.

To see all this written out - to see what is said about your child - your sweet child - and to realize that your child is indeed, not perfect, its like being sucker-punched!

I had all these ideas in my mind about how he'd be growing up - the things he'd do - participate in, etc, and to know that those things may never come to fruition is devastating in a way.

I wish I could just close my eyes and make everything better!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Mommy Confessions - #1

Here it is - something I am going to do every Monday - until ...well I guess until I have exhausted my list of "bad" mommy things!!!

So without further ado, here is numero uno ....

I do not read to my children before bed!

Gasp! Oh the horrors!

I know...I know...they are destined to be in therapy for many years due to my slacker parenting!

Here's the deal - I absolutely love to read - sometimes I'll be reading 3 or 4 different books at once, and I so want my children to take after me when it comes to reading! (No offense to Karl, but he's not into reading like I am....love ya honey, but it's the truth! LOL!)

However, I love our nighttime routine and I don't want to have book reading become a part of it - I don't want it to become a chore, if you will.

Trevor is starting to learn to read himself now - he's recognizing words and such, and so quite often he's "reading" to himself. If he's still awake when Karl gets home, quite often Karl will read to him if Trevor asks. Victoria is only 1 and frankly, at this age, she's much more into eating the books than reading or listening to me read them.

I had a family member recently get all wierd and "shocked" when I said I don't read at night to the kids.

Hey, by all means, I'll read during the day to them, but nightime or rather, bedtime, is working just fine without screwing things up. It's 6:55pm and both of my children are sound asleep - to me that is precious!!!

So there you have it - my "bad mommy" confession....so sue me!

Saturday, November 29, 2008

More New Layouts and a Sale!

Some more new layouts ....











Credits can be found here @ DST

Also, FruitLoOp Sally is having a huge sale @ Inspiration Lane - if you are looking for some whimsical - funky - adorable kits, check her out and get them while they are on sale!

Friday, November 28, 2008

Another awesome giveaway!!!

Check out Deal Seeking Mom's blog for a chance to win a $100 Walmart Gift Card! You can have three entries - so don't delay! With Christmas upon us, I don't know of anyone who couldn't use an extra $100.

Deal Seeking Mom Blog

Don't delay - you have till December 1st!!!

Happy Blogging!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Self esteem or the lack thereof....

I've battled self esteem issues all my life - I started out very, very thin and tall...and as puberty hit (with a vengence I might add), I started gaining weight...and ever since then it's been a struggle. I've lost weight here and there but usually thanks to some less than ideal "diet"....for instance the time I was smoking and lost 85lbs - not exactly a doctor recommended weight loss plan. Go figure! Lose weight but your lungs are shot to hell!

Since we moved here to PI on March 30th, I've gained 30lbs - all the weight I put on with my pregnancy with Victoria, I had lost and now have put on and then some. I am absolutely disgusted with myself. I am at my highest weight ever and that is not something I am proud of. Every day its a battle to get dressed and leave the house - I'd rather no one see me like this.

On top of that, the stress has done one hell of a job on my looks in general - I seriously look like I've aged 10 yrs just since we moved here - the dark circles/bags under my eyes stand out more than ever...no amount of makeup will cover them....I feel like a bag of smashed assholes! (Thanks Karl for putting that phrase in my head, lol.)

I look in the mirror and I hate who I see - I don't even recognize myself anymore - I know who I am on the inside, but it doesn't match who I am on the outside.

I look haggard and old/worn out....I don't look like the vibrant 32 yr old, mother of 2, I should be.

I know that I can work to get this weight off but can I ever reverse the stress damage done to my face? Will I ever look in the mirror and like what I see again?

I have a sister, who I know only says it in jest, least I hope so...but is constantly asking my kids, "don't you wish your mama was hot like me"....and commenting to me about how much better she looks - I don't think she understands what those words do to me.

Karl took pictures of Victoria opening gifts on Saturday and I am in many of them and honestly I'd prefer if no one ever saw them - I look like a moose....how did I let myself go? why did I let myself go? Why did I let the stress of this move...the stress of Trevor's diagnosis....the family stress....why did I let it suck me in?

I need to feel better about myself - I want to love the person I am when I look in the mirror - I don't want to continue hiding from the world - I need to change...but how....how do I dig myself out of this hideous trap? It's like being in a really deep hole in the ground and trying to claw your way out with your barehands ....god this sucks.................

Thank you Kerryanne!

I just want to give a shout-out to my friend, Kerryanne - she graciously sent me 5 or 6 books on Aspergers/Autism. It's such a huge help with money being as tight as it is right now! I really appreciate it! Thank you so much!!! Hugs!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

One year ago today, I laid in a hospital bed holding my newborn daughter, gazing down at her, soaking in every bit of her new baby goodness, amazed that once again, I was bestowed this gift of life - this miracle - that I was allowed the honor of bringing another new life into the world.

My morning started by waking around 4am and having to use the bathroom, only to discover I was spotting. I was just 5 days away from my due date, and the presence of some blood, be it a small amount, but blood no less, left me worried. I woke Karl to tell him what was going on...and went to the bathroom again, only to see a bit more spotting. I put a call into the doctor, and the doctor on call, said it was most likely nothing but to go into the ER just the same, better to be safe than sorry. So around 5am that morning, after our friend Jay came to stay with Trevor, off we went to the hospital. I was registered and immediately brought up to L&D, and hooked up to monitors. I was contracting every 2-3 minutes and they were becoming more painful as they went on.

Long story short, after much discussion about whether to keep me or send me home, my doctor arrived and decided that with the contractions coming so quickly, the fact I was dilated to 3cm, he gave the ok to admit me and prep me for my c/section. I had originally been scheduled to have a c/section on the following Monday - 11/26.

After that things, got rock-n-rollin' pretty quickly! Before I knew it I was walking down the hall to the OR - its like taking your final walk ...lol...you go in as one and come out as two...

And finally, at 11:28am, Victoria Shannon made her appearance - 8lbs 13oz and 19.75 inches - full head of black hair - and every bit as gorgeous as I had imagined.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Victoria,

I can't begin to tell you how much my heart ached for you...how I dreamed about you....all of this before you were ever conceived...I knew you in my heart before I knew you were in the womb. It took us over 2.5 yrs to conceive you, but I believe when they say, good things come to those who wait. You were every bit worth the wait and then some!

It seems like just yesterday we brought you home from the hospital - so tiny - so beautiful - so dependent on us. Those first nights when you were up all night are just such distant memories now. I have watched you blossom and grow over the past year - watched all your "firsts" - watching as the love you have for Trevor grows more each day.

You have this way about you, where you can make everyone around you smile. Your personality is so much larger than life! I am honored to be your mother! I love you more than you can possibly know.

It is in thanks to you and your brother, that I can say I know what love is. Your father and I are blessed beyond words!

Happy 1st Birthday Victoria!

I love you!!! xoxoxo
Click to play Victoria  - One Year
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Thursday, November 20, 2008

New Layouts!

For those that don't know - I *LOVE* digital scrapbooking!

Thought I'd share some of my latest layouts!















All credits can be found in my gallery @ ErinShannon's DST Gallery

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Asperger's Confirmation

I am too tired to elaborate more at the moment, but we got our confirmation today that Trevor does indeed have Asperger's Syndrome. I finally feel like we can move forward and begin to get the help he, as well as Karl and I need.

And now I can tell family who seemed to think that it was a discipline issue that they were wrong - we have done nothing wrong - he is who he is - and no amount of spanking that child would make his brain different.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

It's here!

Tomorrow is the big day - we take Trevor down to Portland for his evaluation. I am hoping that we will come home tomorrow with answers and a renewed sense of hope. We have to be down there around 10am, so it means leaving early.

I've spent the day today trying to clean house and get things done - I hate going away, even for just a day, and coming home to a mess. Tonight I have to take all of Victoria's essentials over to my sisters house - she is going to keep Victoria for us for the day.

A friend told me about a book today, "The Elephant in the Playroom" - In The Elephant in the Playroom, moms and dads from across the country write intimately and honestly about the joyful highs and disordered lows of raising children who are “not quite normal.” Laying bare the emotional, medical, and social challenges they face, their stories address issues ranging from if and when to medicate a child, to how to get a child who is overly sensitive to the texture of food to eat lunch. Eloquent and honest, the voices in this collection will provide solace and support for the millions of parents whose kids struggle with ADD, ADHD, sensory disorders, childhood depression, Asperger’s syndrome, and autism—as well as the many kids who fall between diagnoses.

Offering readers comfort, community, and much-needed perspective, The Elephant in the Playroom is sure to become essential reading for parents of special needs kids.

I've added this book to my current wish list - I've had several books also recommended by Trevor's pediatrician - but right now money is quite tight - so the books are on hold for now.

Wish us luck tomorrow!

Monday, November 17, 2008

And so it continues....

I am still working on weaning Victoria - it's been really hard on both of us I must admit. The first two nights, she would wake up right around 1:30am, I'd give her a sippy of milk and she'd play in our bed for a bit, and then off to her crib she'd go. But the third night, I decided to switch to water, as I didn't want her to get into the habit of thinking it was always going to be milk. She didn't mind the water. But the last two nights, she hasn't been exactly happy with me at all. She's clawed at my tank top, trying desperately to get at the breast. It is killing me to have to deny her - I know that is what she wants and it comforts here and I feel like the biggest heel for not letting her have it.

I am still nursing her during the day and this morning after breakfast, I was getting her dressed and I had just gotten her diaper off, and she stands up and latches right on and starts nursing all the while bucked naked - she was frantic - like she couldn't wait to get to it - poor little thing - she wasn't about to let go either. It's just breaking my heart. Why does this have to be so hard?

Rock the Vote!

I entered Victoria's picture into a contest - and if you would, I'd love the vote!

Here is the link - Vote Here

Thanks!

Friday, November 14, 2008

The time has come....

It's with a heavy heart, much thought, and discussion, that I have decided to wean Victoria. I am in a place in my life, where my health, both physically and mentally, are on the decline and I need to take care of myself...in order to do so, I need to go on some medication...medication that I do not feel comfortable taking while nursing.

For anyone that knows me, they will know how much I hated breastfeeding at the beginning. I remember those long nights where she literally slept maybe 30 mins all night, and the rest of the time was spent on the breast....where she seemed to always want to nurse....where my breasts ached...where I felt tied down...where I dealt with oversupply and overactive letdown....

It wasn't till about 5 months or so, that I started to be able to say I enjoy breastfeeding. There were many times in those first couple months, that I came very close to quitting. If Vic had taken a bottle or if we had found a formula she could have stomached, I most definitely would have switched. But instead I plugged on, doing it for her cause I knew she enjoyed it so.

As I reached each new goal - 3 mths, 6 mths, 9 mths, I felt this sense of victory deep inside me, for making it to each goal. My major goal was to make it to 1 yr - and with 10 days left till her first birthday, I can say I have been successful. I figured that after the 12 mth mark, I'd just follow her cues and let her lead the weaning process. As it is, she has slowed down her nursing during the day for the past month, give or take. I just assumed we'd be nursing for quite some time to go.

So it makes my heart sad to now have to actively begin the weaning process. I think there is also this part of me that knows that we are done having children, and the thought of her no longer nursing is breaking my heart - knowing I will never get to experience that closeness, that emotion with another baby. Her weaning is just another sign of my baby growing up and the dynamic of our relationship changing!

I decided to start last night with the weaning process - since she still gets up at least once a night, I wanted to cut that feeding out, so if nothing else, I could at least attempt to get some sleep from now on. She went to bed at 7pm, having nursed to sleep....woke up at 1:30am....I gave her a sippy of milk and she played for a bit, then I put her back in her crib and she fussed for a few, and before I knew it, she laid down and went back to sleep till 6:30am this morning. All in all, it went much better than I had imagined. She's quite attached to the breast, so I was expecting the worst. My goal is to work on cutting out the nightime nursing and then go to daytime. I am probably going about this all wrong, but I am doing what feels right to me.

Wish me luck!

Friday, November 7, 2008

Showing Off

I just have to show off Vic in her birthday dress - isn't she precious? I could just eat her up!!!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Halloween!

We've survived another Halloween - actually this was the first time in a couple years I was able to take Trevor out!

Back in 2006 I was having surgery on Halloween - needless to say I wasn't taking any child Trick or Treating! LOL! Thankfully a family friend was kind enough to take him out for us. Well then last year, I was extremely pregnant (read 36 weeks) with Victoria and going Trick or Treating wasn't on my list of fun things to do when fat and swollen and pregnant! LOL!!

But this year we had Halloween - after much going back and forth debate, he had finally decided that he did indeed want to go - but the kicker was, he wanted to dress as a vacuum - well, creative in some areas I am, however, in concocting costumes, I am not so talented. So I finally convinced him to give another costume some thought, and he decided to be Spiderman. Life is good! Spiderman is available at local stores! Woot! So we go to KMart, and get the costume...and in the closet it goes...till the week before Halloween when I decide that we should try it on to make sure of the fit, and low and behold, it didn't fit! So we take it back to KMart, but of course, they don't have the next size up....so we finally settle on a Star Wars Storm Trooper costume. He wasn't really thrilled with it at first, but what choice did we have with less than a week to Halloween?

And then lil Miss V - she was a butterfly - oh so cute! However, she did not want to keep her head piece on - much like she doesn't like to keep bows in her hair these days either! Oh and did I mention, that Trevor didn't want to wear his mask either? LOL! These two make a great pair! LOL!!

So without further ado, here are some pictures...

Halloween 2008 - Trevor 4.5 yrs and Victoria 11 mths




Thursday, October 30, 2008

FINALLY!

I got the call yesterday - we finally have an appointment to have Trevor's evaluation for Aspergers Syndrome! Finally! I feel like I can breathe a tiny bit of relief knowing that we are finally getting just a bit closer to having some answers. The appointment is going to be Wednesday, November 19th! I hate the fact though, that we have to travel 3 hours (if weather is good) for this and have to leave Victoria for the day, but to have some answers for Trevor will be well worth it.

Today we go to see his regular pediatrician in regards to him hurting himself - make sure he's not got an infection or anything like that.

I guess I hadn't posted about the self injury - so here it is - Trevor has been hurting himself - picking his gums, ears, legs, arms, hands, nose - picking and digging till he bleeds - and then when it does scab over he picks it again to make it bleed, and this just continues over and over. It's been a mess - he's been wiping the blood on his walls, etc. He claims there are bugs biting him and that is why he picks, but we (meaning Karl and I) know there are no bugs on him.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Another long night....

Trevor was up during the night....AGAIN! This is just an ongoing thing with him, despite being on medication to help him sleep - he gets to sleep ok, but he doesn't stay asleep. In turn, what happens is, he's not well-rested, and it affects his behavior even moreso. I am about to pull my hair out!

Between Trevor being up and Victoria still getting up several times a night, I haven't had a decent nights sleep in lord knows how long! Sigh! I long for one good, peaceful 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I have forgotten what that is like, you know!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Job!

How could I forget? I've got some freelance work to do....a job if you will permit me to call it!

My friend and former boss contacted me about doing some design type work for his business - including an employee handbook, and a couple different brochures!

I am so happy - it's been so long since I have done anything work-wise and I love to do this type of stuff and let's face it, some extra cash at this time of the year, isn't a bad thing!

Woohoo!

1 Month to go!!

Yesterday Victoria turned 11 months old - time sure does fly, eh?! I think back to a year ago this time and how miserable I was - between the sciatic pain, the constant heartburn and peeing, the never ending morning sickness, the lovely swelling of my feet and ankles and of course, the contractions - hard to believe what a difference a year makes!

Victoria is like no baby I've ever known - granted I only have had one other child myself, but I've been around quite a few babies, just in our family alone. I've never seen a baby who was such a spitfire. You know how they refer to the "firey Irish temper"....well let's just say she's got it. I have to laugh though, because as I said, I've never seen a baby so young who could/would get so upset and fired up. She defnitely knows what she likes and what she doesn't like ...and when you do cross her, look out, cause she'll try to bite you! LOL! She just has this larger than life personality. I try to imagine what she'll be like in a couple years or so, and it makes my head spin! LOL!!

And poor Trevor - he has no idea what he is in for once she can fully walk - look out lil buddy, cause sis is going to be all over you and your stuff like you don't know! LOL!

We are planning a small, family get together for Victoria next month - Nov 22nd to be exact. I had wanted to do it at our own house, but with dad as sick as he is, I figured it is best to just do it at moms, so that he can be there. I did so much for Trevor's first birthday, but our financial situation is so much different this time around, that it is next to impossible to do what I did then. It really saddens me too! I know she has no clue, but it still bothers me just the same. I hate that some day we'll look back at all these pictures of Trevor's first birthday and all we did, and then hers and see what we didn't do! UGH!

Last year - 10.31.07 -

Vic - yesterday - 10.24.08 -

Oh Trevor!

Lately, Victoria has taken to biting - me especially! At first it started when nursing and now she tries to bite when kissing or when she is mad! So anyways, when she bites, I tell her "no biting - mommy says no bite"....

So this morning I am washing breakfast dishes - (damn this house for not having a dishwasher) and I hear "no bite...mommy says no bite"....and I look into the living room and Trevor is pretending to nurse one of Victoria's dolls and apparently also pretending it was biting her! LOL!! I nearly wet myself laughing! He's got such an imagination!

I had to take a picture...

Monday, October 20, 2008

Fun Times

Saturday afternoon we took the kids to the elementary school playground - unfotunately it was soooo cold, we couldn't stay long because poor Tori was freezing! Trevor was having a blast though! I even held Tori and let her "slide" down the bottom of the slide - needless to say she didn't want to go back into her stroller after that! LOL!!

Some pics of the kiddie's...






And some other misc. pics...



Still waiting!

I called down to Bangor last week - to the Developmental Clinic to see when Trevor would be scheduled for his evaluation. I got a call back on Thursday that they have no idea when he'd be scheduled! The deal is, there is only one doctor apparently that can do the evaluation, and her mother is gravely ill, so she is away, and has been for 2+ weeks, and they have no idea when she will return. On top of that, they only do two evals a week, and they don't want any scheduled for December. Now don't get me wrong, I don't hold anything against anyone for taking care of an ailing parent, as I've been going through all this stuff with dad. But I really think there needs to be more than one doctor available to do this type of evaluation. We've been waiting 5 months now as it is, and in the meantime, we know nothing more than we originally did - it's not fair to us or him to not be able to get him the help he needs. I spent most of Thursday afternoon crying! I am beyond frustrated! I need help! I need support!

Thursday night Trevor had another meltdown - it included hitting me, biting me and then telling me he "hopes you die tonight"....nothing you'd want to hear from your 4.5 yr old child. It rips my heart apart to pieces!

I've called his pediatrician to see if she can refer us a different place for evaluation - at this point I am willing to go down to Portland, heck even Boston!

Wednesday afternoon he goes for allergy testing to see if there are any triggers there that aggravate his condition. He's terrified of needles, so I hope this goes ok. I am going to let him take my IPod, so he can listen to music while they do it - I hope that acts like a distraction!

Friday, October 10, 2008

The Bucket Test

Yep, the bucket test....not the bucket list!

What you ask, is the bucket test?! Well, my friends, the bucket test is this:

Sunday I scrub the kitchen floor - I leave the mop in the bucket sitting there for a bit while the floor dries ...I get busy on other things and addmittedly forget said bucket and mop. Monday comes and its a day from hell - literally - hell - and I tell Karl (the hubby) that I am on the brink of a nervous breakdown and need more help around the house and such. Bucket is still in kitchen, but I figure Karl will be kind enough and smart enough to put it away. Well, here it is Friday, and bucket of dirty water is still in the kitchen. I put the mop away but I left the bucket the whole week to see if he'd finally get the clue....apparently not! Tonight Trevor bumps into the bucket and water splashes out and Karl was standing right there...did he do anything? Nope, he looked down at the floor, seemingly a bit ticked off that his feet were now wet, but continued on doing what he was. I swear if I leave the bucket there, he'll continue to walk past it. I give up! Apparently he thinks he doesn't have to lift a finger around here! Glad I can be not only the wife, but the damn maid as well!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Update on the kids!

Victoria had a WIC appointment on Weds this week - she is now 18lbs 4oz and still 27 inches long - guess her height is at a stalemate! LOL!

Trevor had a follow up on his medication on Tuesday this week - he's doing well - we definitely see improvements - not 100% but probably about 80%. And as I've said before, the wonderful thing is, he's still himself. This medication has not taken away the very essence of Trevor at all. He's so funny - the doctor and I are talking about Aspergers and he says, "I don't like ass burgers, I like regular hamburgers!" We about died laughing! He's so funny! The doctor had me contact the school to see how he is doing and I had really hoped it was going well and that maybe we were dreaming all of this - but after talking to the teacher, we have found out he's very quiet for the most part, doesn't socialize - he plays around other children, but doesn't engage them in play or conversation, he's very detailed and very much into structure and routine. I had really hoped he'd gotten into school and would be making friends and having a blast, but that doesn't seem like it's happening. I guess it's just making this all the more real. My heart hurts for him.

I never imagined I'd be in this position - the mother of a child with special needs - I gave birth to this perfect lil guy and foolishly assumed that because he was healthy at birth, that he would always be, but life has a way of throwing a wrench at you at times, and this is definitely one of those times.

Long time no post....

I've been absent from blogging for the past two weeks - things have been crazy around here to say the least.

Rather than type is all over again - I'll repost what I have posted on the message board I visit -

Monday night (Sept 29th) around 6:30pm I got the call from mom that dad was on his way to the hospital via ambulance. Luckily they are about 2 minutes from the hospital. Anyways, dad was struggling to breathe and as he struggled more, he started panicking and thus making it harder to breathe. My heart sank when the call came - I screamed out - I was home alone with the two kids. I called Karl to come home - I wanted him to be here in case I needed to get to the hospital myself - thankfully I live about 2-3 minutes on the other side of the hospital. Anyways, I talked to my sister about 7:30pm, she said dad was fighting the help - he didn't want the bpap machine mask on - and they were talking of intubating him but he had a DNR, so everything was up in the air. At 8:15pm I got the call telling me that I had 15 minutes to get there and say my goodbyes as they were going to intubate him and they couldn't guarantee he'd ever come out of it. I grabbed my jacket and ran out the door - bawling the whole time. Got there and said goodbye, told him I loved him, bawled some more...after he had a chance to talk to all my other sisters/brother by phone or what have you, they intubated him. Then they took him for a chest xray and up to ICU. It was incredibly hard seeing him that way - he looked like he had aged 20 yrs in just a matter of hours. I left there that night not knowing if I'd ever get to speak to him again or see him alive. (that night when Trevor found out grampy was at the hospital, and I was crying, he came out of his bed, to come rub my back and tell me it would be ok. So a little while later he says to me, "mom, I hope gramppy gets better soon, so your heart isn't broken anymore - he's such an intune and sensitive kid.)

Tuesday he was doing good, so they took him off the tube and he was breathing on his own - he had color back - and looked better than he had in a while. He was joking as well as being his cranky old man self! LOL!

Wednesday morning he had a setback and they almost had to intubate him again - he is so stubborn - and he was fighting their help - so it was either let them do their job, intubate again or sign his DNR and leave him be - well he finally came around and they were able to get him calmed down and his stats where they should be again. But yesterday he looked bad again - he had lost his color - and he was just cranky - not joking or anything.

In addition to the sepsis, he also has pnuemonia and they are also starting treatment for Parkinsons.

At this point, they said it's going to be touch and go - ups/downs - till he goes. If they hadn't of intubated the other night, he wouldn't have lived through the night. He is extremely weak and its taking 2-3 of them to get him in and out of bed - he's not a big guy either.

When I visited today and asked him how he was feeling, he said not very good. They've transfered him out of ICU to a Med/Surg unit and now he's in a double room and he's none too happy about it. Dad is a typical old man - old fashioned, stubborn, private, etc.....its taking everything he's got to let others take care of him so to speak - bathing, helping him to the bathroom, etc.

We don't see how he'll ever be able to come home if he lives that long. If anything, he may go to the nursing home from the hospital. The problem is, all it will take at this point is for him to have another episdoe of where he feels he can't breathe, and that causes him to panic and so he essentially starts hyperventialating (sp?) and that is what sent him spiraling the other night and needing the tube.

He is by no means out of the woods....its killing me to see him in there - he just seems so vulenrable now - and he looks like he's aged 20 yrs now - I am exhausted - mentally/emotionally and physically - I haven't slept in I don't know how long - I am running on empty and on top of that I've been sick too....

At this point, I just don't want him to suffer - as much as I'd like to see him come home, I think that would really kill him. I just want whatever time he has left to be peaceful.

The ICU wouldn't let kids up - so Trev didn't get to see him till today. He was very quiet and didn't say much. I think he was just taking it all in!

(Oct 2, 2008)

My dad is in the nursing home now - for skilled nursing care - however, I've yet to see what is specifically being done to help him - and I don't mean that as a slight to the nurses or staff, but more as I just have yet to see/hear that he's getting any of the therapy needed to get strong, and I am not sure what the reason is. I went to see him yesterday, and he wasn't looking so good - he isn't eating - he can't even stand long enough to use the bathroom, so he sits with a urinal and a newspaper to cover his lap...when he did use the restroom there was what looked like blood on the floor, so they are trying to get him to give a sample so they can see what is going on.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Working mothers!

So I am at my parents house today and I can hear Fox news coming from the living room - I have no idea who was talking, but it was in regards to Palin and "working mothers". Whoever was talking kept repeating "working mothers" over and over and how Palin is helping promote working mothers.

Now here is where I have a problem -

Show me a mother who isn't working! Let's face it - all mothers, whether they have a job outside the house or not, are WORKING mothers! I, currently am a SAHM, but that doesn't mean I just sit back on my butt all day long, popping bonbons and drinking wine - frankly, raising two children is the hardest job I've ever had! If you are a mother, you know all to well, how there are no vacations, no days off, no sick days, no personal days, you are a mom 24 hours a day! To promote "working moms" in the context of only those who work outside the house is a disservice to ALL moms everywhere!

Instead of dividing moms according to their job inside or outside of the house, why not try to bring all moms together?! I, frankly want a candidate who helps unite mothers instead of contributing to the divide that currently exsists!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Roseola

Well, imagine my surprise this morning when I wake up to see Victoria covered in a rash! After having a fever for 3+ days, and that finally going away, I thought we were in the clear! So I call the pediatrician and long story short, Victoria has Roseola! Well I guess the upside is at least we know what it is, right? Poor lil thing is covered in this rash! It's been a long week of sickness - I am looking forward to next week! I just hope Trevor doesn't get sick now!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Sick of it!

So with 50 some odd days left till the presidential election, I can honestly say I am positively sick of the circus that ensues! I am tired of the crap that is being slung back and forth - there isn't a party out there who is immune to it - they are all guilty of it.

Dem or Repub, no one is innocent.

It scares me to think that there are people out there who will vote for McCain soley based on his running mate being a woman. Gender should not be what people base their decision on. And on the flip side, it scares me to think that people will vote for Obama soley based on the fact he is black. Gender and race should not play a part in how people vote? What happened to voting based on the candidates platform? For voting based on your beliefs? It is 2008 and we have people choosing the next candidate because one wears skirts and the other isn't white?! That is totally absurd to me.

I for one, can say with confidence, when I go to the polls this November, my vote will be cast based on what I believe, the changes I want to see take place, and who I feel can best do the job for our country.

I am afraid whoever does win, will have been chosen for all the wrong reasons though and where will our country be then?!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Mustache!

**Ok, let me preface this by saying, normally I do NOT condone the use of the phrase, "Shut up"!**

But the other night Trevor had been watching Nick and Drake & Josh came on and one of the charcters had a mustache, so Trevor says, "I want a mustache"....and was pretty adament about it - well I bust a gut laughing, like I mean serious laughing, couldn't stop cause he was so insistent that he, at 4.5 yrs old, needed a mustache. So in the midst of my laughing phrenzy, he says, "shut up mom, it's not funny"....LMAO!!!!

We will have a talk again about why shut up isn't a good thing to say, but at that moment it was damn funny!

EWWWWWWW!

EWWWWWW!!!

Ok, there I said it!

Be warned! This really is gross! LOL!!

So as I said, Victoria has been sick with a fever. So Sunday afternoon, I had out the digital rectal thermometer, when I was done with it, I left it on the bedside.

So later on I hear Karl yelling to me....telling me that Trevor had the thermometer in his mouth - he wanted to take his temperature! Oh boy!

I freaked out - yeah, let's admit, I was grossed out immensely! LOL!! I made him go right into the bathroom and rinse with Listerine!

I swear this kid keeps me on my toes! LOL!

Dentist!

I seriously messed up in life, when I didn't go to school to become a dentist! I mean, have you ever found a dentist who works 5 days a week? I've yet to come across one around here, that's for sure! Monday - Thursday! Must be nice to have a year round 3 day weekend!

So Head Start requires a dental exam within 90 days of starting school. So they give me a list of dentists in the area - and so begins my frustration. Only two are located in our city. I call - neither one is taking new patients! I call the next closest one - nope! I call the rest of the list and the best I can get is to be put on a waiting list for a dentist an hour away! Give me a break! Perhaps is they worked more than 3-4 days a week, they could be able to take new patients!

I spoke with the lady at Head Start today and she says she can recommend someone but she is 2 to 2.5 hours away! WHAT?! You want me to travel in the winter (let's face it, here in Northern Maine, it's quickly approaching) 2.5 hours to a dentist? Oh I don't think so! This whole thing is absurd!

I am so over this place!

Sickness ....

Let's see, Friday I started with the sniffles, which quickly became a full blown cold by Saturday morning! Oh joy! You know since I moved up here to no mans land, I've had three of these colds - I am so over this! Tell me it ain't from stress! As if!

Sunday at noon we noticed Victoria is burning up - like a little furnace! And so began three days of her with a constant fever! Between a call to the peds office at midnight, and alternating Motrin and Tylenol, it still wouldn't break till this evening! She seems like she is getting back to herself finally! Poor lil thing! She's been a lil clingon for three days - ok, so she is normally kinda clingy, but even more so now! LOL!! Tonight she didn't want to go to bed, and that is when I knew my baby girl was feeling better - she just wanted to play! LOL!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

First Day of School!

Today was Trevor's first day of preschool. It was so hard this morning not to cry, even when driving him there. It seems like just yesterday I gave birth to this precious lil guy, and I remember thinking about the first day of school and when the day would come....and here it was, and it all just happened way too fast.

Trevor looked oh-so-handsome this morning - his little khaki shorts and plaid shirt - such a big boy!

It took a while for Trevor to warm up this morning - I think it was a touch overwhelming for him at first. Finally after a while, he let his guard down and started participating. They made some playdough and then he painted a picture...and had some snacks...and then went onto the playground.

Trevor apparently is the oldest of the kids in the class, at 4.5 yrs - he towers over the other children, who all appear to be 3 yrs old.

We had the opportunity to stay and observe, and must admit that after the day was done and over, and we felt that this may not be the ideal situation for Trevor. It seemed like a big free-for-all with little to no direction - they took the kids out to the playground and there was kids of all ages - what I would guess to be about 15 mths old up to Trevor's age - you can't put children of these age groups together on a playground. Then Trevor's teacher, stopped to go talk to some man at the fence...like I said, it just seemed like a big free-for-all. One aide was busy carrying around her own child the whole time. If you know Trevor, you know that Trevor LOVES the playground, but today he actually asked us to go home - that is a first!

I have called the actual school district and found out they are full in their preschool classes...so our only option is to keep him in Head Start or put him in private preschool or take him out ....I guess at this point, we'll keep him in and see how things go, but I have no problem pulling him out if I feel this isn't working for him. He really seemed bored today! He is a child who needs to be challenged, and my fear is he won't be getting that at Head Start. Honestly, it seemed like glorified babysitting.

But alas, without further ado....here are some pics from this morning:




Monday, August 25, 2008

Updates and Lack of Organization

Do people today lack organizational skills?

Trevor is due to start Head First PreSchool next week - September 2nd. I went to the orientation in July, and was told I'd get a call the first week of August letting me know if he was in the morning or afternoon class, what time the bus would pick him up/drop him off, etc. Here it is the last week of August, and I had still yet to get that call. So last week I called and left a message - nothing! Today I call and leave a message! Then I come across the number for the actual center - so I call - speak to a lady who tells me she is just typing out the information right now as we speak and she is going to get it in the mail tomorrow. Why not just wait till the night before?! Geesh - nothing like keeping people waiting! Why aren't people more organized? I think parents should be kept in the know and not left waiting to find out when their child will be going to school.

Also, I decided today to call down to Bangor - namely the clinic that Trevor is supposed to have his evaluation at. A lady calls me back and we chat - going over Trevor's other evaluation with Child Development Services, and such. And we've come to the conclusion that he can probably get by with a smaller team evaluation instead of making him wait till next year because they are so booked. So she gave me her direct number and is going to talk to her peers about getting him in for this smaller eval. If they find he needs the other evals done, they will try to find people closer to home (for us) to do it, rather than making us come back down to Bangor again. Finally I feel like I am getting some where. I just wish it wouldn't have taken this long - I've been waiting for this since the first of June!

Breakdancing!

Trevor lately has taken to dancing - namely and mostly breakdancing! LOL! He's seen that lil redheaded boy on Disney ...what's his name...think Erin think...oh yeah, Daniel Cook doing some breakdancing, but that was well over a year ago...so where this came from I have no idea! It's way too funny though! He really tries to bust out a move or two! LOL!!

Imagine my suprise when he decided to start breakdancing in the middle of Walmart today! LOL!! It's funny, but you just never know what he'll say or do, especially in public.

Gotta love kids! :-)

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Happy Birthday Victoria!

Happy Birthday Victoria!

Well, it's not her birthday in the traditional sense - instead, today she is 9 mths old!

I must say it's been an amazing 9 months - full of absolute joy! Victoria has been a wonderful addition to our family - completing us!

She is growing into this little person with such a big personality! She takes after her brother in that sense!

9 months ago today...




And here she is today...






So without further ado, Happy Birthday baby girl! I love you so much! xoxo Mommy!

Friday, August 22, 2008

Milestones abound!

Woke up this morning to discover Victoria had a new tooth! Explains the excessive biting lately, the runny nose and overall crankiness at times! It's funny, by now Trevor had 8 teeth, and here she is just bringing in #3. Amazing how two kids can be so different!

This afternoon, she decided she could finally pull herself up to a standing position! Watch out world, here she comes! Didn't we just bring her home from the hospital? What is she doing standing up already? So not fair!

But, as if standing up wasn't enough - she decided to start cruising around - sometimes letting go - which always resulted in a tumble on her butt! LOL!!

I am so not ready for this - where has my baby gone?

I swear I was just complaining cause she was kicking the crap out of my uterus and now here she is ever so close to walking! Why is it that pregnancy seems to last forever and a day, and yet once they are here, time flies...why can't it be the other way around?

Here she is standing at my stuff to sell on EBAY...(hey, anyone need baby clothes? lol)

And here she is when she decided she could dive in head first! LOL!

(*No babies were hurt in the filming of this picture! LOL!)