Friday, October 3, 2008

Long time no post....

I've been absent from blogging for the past two weeks - things have been crazy around here to say the least.

Rather than type is all over again - I'll repost what I have posted on the message board I visit -

Monday night (Sept 29th) around 6:30pm I got the call from mom that dad was on his way to the hospital via ambulance. Luckily they are about 2 minutes from the hospital. Anyways, dad was struggling to breathe and as he struggled more, he started panicking and thus making it harder to breathe. My heart sank when the call came - I screamed out - I was home alone with the two kids. I called Karl to come home - I wanted him to be here in case I needed to get to the hospital myself - thankfully I live about 2-3 minutes on the other side of the hospital. Anyways, I talked to my sister about 7:30pm, she said dad was fighting the help - he didn't want the bpap machine mask on - and they were talking of intubating him but he had a DNR, so everything was up in the air. At 8:15pm I got the call telling me that I had 15 minutes to get there and say my goodbyes as they were going to intubate him and they couldn't guarantee he'd ever come out of it. I grabbed my jacket and ran out the door - bawling the whole time. Got there and said goodbye, told him I loved him, bawled some more...after he had a chance to talk to all my other sisters/brother by phone or what have you, they intubated him. Then they took him for a chest xray and up to ICU. It was incredibly hard seeing him that way - he looked like he had aged 20 yrs in just a matter of hours. I left there that night not knowing if I'd ever get to speak to him again or see him alive. (that night when Trevor found out grampy was at the hospital, and I was crying, he came out of his bed, to come rub my back and tell me it would be ok. So a little while later he says to me, "mom, I hope gramppy gets better soon, so your heart isn't broken anymore - he's such an intune and sensitive kid.)

Tuesday he was doing good, so they took him off the tube and he was breathing on his own - he had color back - and looked better than he had in a while. He was joking as well as being his cranky old man self! LOL!

Wednesday morning he had a setback and they almost had to intubate him again - he is so stubborn - and he was fighting their help - so it was either let them do their job, intubate again or sign his DNR and leave him be - well he finally came around and they were able to get him calmed down and his stats where they should be again. But yesterday he looked bad again - he had lost his color - and he was just cranky - not joking or anything.

In addition to the sepsis, he also has pnuemonia and they are also starting treatment for Parkinsons.

At this point, they said it's going to be touch and go - ups/downs - till he goes. If they hadn't of intubated the other night, he wouldn't have lived through the night. He is extremely weak and its taking 2-3 of them to get him in and out of bed - he's not a big guy either.

When I visited today and asked him how he was feeling, he said not very good. They've transfered him out of ICU to a Med/Surg unit and now he's in a double room and he's none too happy about it. Dad is a typical old man - old fashioned, stubborn, private, etc.....its taking everything he's got to let others take care of him so to speak - bathing, helping him to the bathroom, etc.

We don't see how he'll ever be able to come home if he lives that long. If anything, he may go to the nursing home from the hospital. The problem is, all it will take at this point is for him to have another episdoe of where he feels he can't breathe, and that causes him to panic and so he essentially starts hyperventialating (sp?) and that is what sent him spiraling the other night and needing the tube.

He is by no means out of the woods....its killing me to see him in there - he just seems so vulenrable now - and he looks like he's aged 20 yrs now - I am exhausted - mentally/emotionally and physically - I haven't slept in I don't know how long - I am running on empty and on top of that I've been sick too....

At this point, I just don't want him to suffer - as much as I'd like to see him come home, I think that would really kill him. I just want whatever time he has left to be peaceful.

The ICU wouldn't let kids up - so Trev didn't get to see him till today. He was very quiet and didn't say much. I think he was just taking it all in!

(Oct 2, 2008)

My dad is in the nursing home now - for skilled nursing care - however, I've yet to see what is specifically being done to help him - and I don't mean that as a slight to the nurses or staff, but more as I just have yet to see/hear that he's getting any of the therapy needed to get strong, and I am not sure what the reason is. I went to see him yesterday, and he wasn't looking so good - he isn't eating - he can't even stand long enough to use the bathroom, so he sits with a urinal and a newspaper to cover his lap...when he did use the restroom there was what looked like blood on the floor, so they are trying to get him to give a sample so they can see what is going on.

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