It's with a heavy heart, much thought, and discussion, that I have decided to wean Victoria. I am in a place in my life, where my health, both physically and mentally, are on the decline and I need to take care of myself...in order to do so, I need to go on some medication...medication that I do not feel comfortable taking while nursing.
For anyone that knows me, they will know how much I hated breastfeeding at the beginning. I remember those long nights where she literally slept maybe 30 mins all night, and the rest of the time was spent on the breast....where she seemed to always want to nurse....where my breasts ached...where I felt tied down...where I dealt with oversupply and overactive letdown....
It wasn't till about 5 months or so, that I started to be able to say I enjoy breastfeeding. There were many times in those first couple months, that I came very close to quitting. If Vic had taken a bottle or if we had found a formula she could have stomached, I most definitely would have switched. But instead I plugged on, doing it for her cause I knew she enjoyed it so.
As I reached each new goal - 3 mths, 6 mths, 9 mths, I felt this sense of victory deep inside me, for making it to each goal. My major goal was to make it to 1 yr - and with 10 days left till her first birthday, I can say I have been successful. I figured that after the 12 mth mark, I'd just follow her cues and let her lead the weaning process. As it is, she has slowed down her nursing during the day for the past month, give or take. I just assumed we'd be nursing for quite some time to go.
So it makes my heart sad to now have to actively begin the weaning process. I think there is also this part of me that knows that we are done having children, and the thought of her no longer nursing is breaking my heart - knowing I will never get to experience that closeness, that emotion with another baby. Her weaning is just another sign of my baby growing up and the dynamic of our relationship changing!
I decided to start last night with the weaning process - since she still gets up at least once a night, I wanted to cut that feeding out, so if nothing else, I could at least attempt to get some sleep from now on. She went to bed at 7pm, having nursed to sleep....woke up at 1:30am....I gave her a sippy of milk and she played for a bit, then I put her back in her crib and she fussed for a few, and before I knew it, she laid down and went back to sleep till 6:30am this morning. All in all, it went much better than I had imagined. She's quite attached to the breast, so I was expecting the worst. My goal is to work on cutting out the nightime nursing and then go to daytime. I am probably going about this all wrong, but I am doing what feels right to me.
Wish me luck!