Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Struggling to cope...

I just got the report in the mail from the Developmental Clinic we went to two weeks ago for Trevor's evaluation. Even though I already had the answer in person when we left that day, reading the report is like having my breath taken away, but not in the good way. I feel like I've been punched in the chest - knocked to the ground - wind out of my sails.

There is something about seeing it in black and white - having this paper(s) in front of you to read over and over - the words - "Trevor does meet full criteria for a diagnosis of Asperger's Disorder". I am sitting here crying - never in a million years would I have imagined that this perfect baby I brought home from the hospital would have anything wrong down the road. My heart is aching - my mind is in a whirl.

To see all this written out - to see what is said about your child - your sweet child - and to realize that your child is indeed, not perfect, its like being sucker-punched!

I had all these ideas in my mind about how he'd be growing up - the things he'd do - participate in, etc, and to know that those things may never come to fruition is devastating in a way.

I wish I could just close my eyes and make everything better!

1 comment:

  1. Erin,
    I totally understand, omg! I was standing in your shoes 7 years ago. I felt the same way. As I sat there crying all over this report my husband says to me "We already knew this, why are so upset NOW?" And honestly I didn't know why it just suddenly was very REAL. I'm sorry, I'm here for you, hugs!