Wednesday, April 29, 2009

All ready to go!


Well this morning, Karl and I went and registered Trevor for Kindergarten. I know he's gone to preschool this whole year, but there is something about registering him for kindergarten that is bittersweet.

It seems like just yesterday I found out I was pregnant - it was one of the absolute best moments of my life. I will never forget seeing him for the first time and the overwhelming love I felt - like nothing I have ever experienced before - suddenly I could see my heart in someone else.

I just can't believe how fast he is growing up - I wish I could just stop the clock for a little while.

Monday, April 27, 2009

The Best Compliment!

You know I've struggled for the last 5+ years with parenting - the constant wondering if I am doing things right, will the kids end up needing therapy because of my parenting skills or lack thereof, will they be decent adults some day....you can't help or at least I can't help but compare myself to other parents, mainly moms to see what they are doing and if I am doing as good a job, and I always walk away thinking I am failing at this....

But today, my concerns were put aside, my face beamed, my heart was overwhelmed with joy...Trevor has been going to church with my mother and one of my sisters....so I am in Wal-mart and run into an older couple from the church and they asked about Trevor. The man went on to say that Trevor is the most polite and well behaved boy he's ever known, that he's a special young man, and we should be very proud of him and that I've done a good job. He said that during music time at church, Trevor opens up his Bible and sings along and it just brings a tear to this mans eye to see how wonderfully special Trevor is.

Talk about wonderfully, magical words to a mothers ear! You know we butt heads at home, we have our moments, he cuts up much like any other 5 yr old I'd guess, but he is a good kid....he's smart....he's polite...he behaves...I don't have to worry that he's at church running around like a maniac.

It does my heart good - it helps ease those fears that I am not doing a good job of parenting!

Just the other day when we were all out, we ran into Trevor's Sunday School teacher and she said "hello" to Trevor and he put his hand out to shake her hand and said, "I am good, how are you Miss Patsy?" I was just so pleased to see my little 5 yr old reaching out to shake someones hand without being prompted.

I love that boy more than the moon and stars....he has my heart....he's such an amazing child and I feel so lucky to call myself his mama!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Summer Goals

I was cleaning Trevor's room today - looking at the volume of books this child has - seriously, he has a ton of books - some new - some were mine - some were my niece and nephews...he has this built in book shelf in his room - and every shelf is packed to the brim with books.

It's great because Trevor is finally taking an interest in reading - I am not sure if this is due to going to school this year, or just something that happened naturally, but the interest is definitely there. We've had fun buying books from the Scholastic Order through school...and going to the bookstore at the mall....it's such a wonderful feeling when your child asks for a book instead of the newest piece of junk toy out there. It's very rare for Trevor to want to go look at toys and I feel we are very lucky in that sense. He's much more into reading and drawing/coloring! Although, he has a new interest in cars recently - it's cute to watch him drive them around his rug that looks like a town. I don't mind buying the Hot Wheels or Matchbox cars ...those things seem to last forever for the most part - paying $1.00 for a car isn't a big deal to me esp. when it will last years.

But back to the books...all these books....and we've only ever read a very small fraction of those books and I got this brilliant idea! Yep, the light bulb went off in my head! LOL!!

Trevor and I are going to read as many of those books as possible - our goal we've set is to read 5 shelves worth of books over the course of the summer - we are going to make a list and put each book we read on it....if we can read all of those books he's going to get a *very* big "treat" at the end of the summer. I am hoping this will give us some more one on one time - as he's getting older, his one on one time with me isn't like it used to be. But I also hope it will help with him learning to read, give him less time watching television, inspire an even greater love of reading, and will give him a goal to work towards.

He already knows what his big treat will be...and he's very excited. I told him we'd start reading tomorrow.

A month or so ago, we got him the Leapfrog Tag Reading System - what a great little "toy". I can keep track of his progress online - he get to "read" along with it. I think all of this is really helping him. The books for the Tag Reader are not really cheap, about $14 a book, but I've had several $5.00 off coupons, so it's made it really affordable. I highly recommend this! Trevor really seems to love it. Part of his Easter gift was a new book for the Tag Reader - I love that we can do other "gifts" besides candy and junk for things like Easter. He was tickled cause he got a book he had really wanted for it.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Such a slacker!!

I've been such a slacker lately about blogging....I guess I hit one of those blogging funks...wondering to myself if anyone even reads this stuff, kwim?

Things have been crazy lately...which seems to be the norm for me especially with two little children. The weather is getting nicer finally...though I am afraid I might jinx it by having said that out loud...but hey, I can't deny the simple fact that it's over 60 degrees right now and steadily climbing to a predicted high of 77...the sun is shining...the birds are chirping....later the smell of barbecue will waif through the air...yum!

Short of going back to read my earlier entries, I can't remember if I mentioned that dad has chosen to stay at the nursing home permanently. I can't really begin to put into words what this means to me. The realistic part of me says this is what is best for him to get the best possible care, but the irrational - that is my daddy - part of me is just struggling to cope with the fact dad won't be coming home ....he's been in there over a month now and honestly, I am still struggling to come to terms with it. Never in my wildest imagination did I ever think I'd see the day my father, my hero, a man who has just been such a source of strength for our family, would succumb to an illness and be forced to make the decision to have to leave his home and family to let strangers care for him in a nursing home.

It makes you stop and think about your own life and what is in my own future - there is no way to know...and as morbid as it may seem, I hate to think that someday Trevor and Victoria will have to come visit me in a nursing home. I pray they never see my suffer, because let's face it, watching a loved one suffer isn't anything anyone wants to have to see.

Suddenly dad seems so frail to me - I can't even explain it.

I got a call this morning that he was taken from the nursing home to the ER and was being admitted to the hospital with pneumonia - at his age and in his condition, this isn't great news by any means...I am worried...who am I kidding? I am downright scared. Dad is just days shy of his 81st birthday, but I am not ready to say goodbye forever...I need him around longer...my children need their grampy...

Sometimes I can't help but think that life is cruel...we are born and given families that we (mostly) love....people in our lives that mean the world to us ....and we are really with them such a short time in the grand scheme of things...and everyone continues to grow older right along with us...and one day, you are faced with watching them leave this world....here they brought you into the world and now you watch as they leave the world...just seems like a cruel joke to me...

I thank god that I have such wonderful friends - most of them have been made over the course of the last 6 years - most met online - and yet the friendships are so meaningful to me - I may not have met them in person, but that matters nothing to me...they are truly wonderful! When I posted today on Facebook about dads condition this morning, I had such caring responses from my friends...and I hope they know how much that means to me at a time like this.