I've been contemplating blogging about this...worried that a certain family member would see it...in my blog earlier tonight, I mentioned how dads passing had changed me in some ways...softened my heart a bit towards mom. And that is true....and I'd like to say it was that way for everyone, but it's not.
Do I write this and worry about someone seeing it or do I hold back and keep it in?
To that I say, oh well....if she reads this, then she'll know exactly how I feel, right?
I am the youngest of eight children - my brother, only brother I might add, is the oldest - he is 55....then there are 6 sisters who range in age from 53 to 44. I came along 11 years after my parents thought the family was complete. I was a surprise - in the sense that they weren't planning on more children.
So for 11 years, my sister K was the baby ....and then boom....along comes Erin.
Well, at the funeral, K got up to talk about dad and imagine my surprise when she decides to tell everyone how dad told her she was still his baby no matter what, how she was his favorite and loved her the most. Can you imagine how hurt I felt? K has always done whatever she could for attention, and dads funeral was no exception. at 44 yrs old, I have to wonder when she'll grow up and act like an adult.
There we are at the funeral, my heart is in a million pieces and now I sit and wonder if dad really loved me?! I wonder what all the people who were there thought? Of course, I know deep down that dad did love me, but it still hurts like hell to hear a sister get up in front of a crowd and tell how she was loved more and the favorite.
When the service was over, and the crowd was passing through, she made a point of mentioning it to several people again...and even used the term "mistake" to describe my being born. It hurt me so much that I got in the car and balled my eyes out even more...not wanting to go on to the reception after the funeral...my other sister had to talk me into going...I wanted nothing more than to go home since K made it quite obvious that I was pretty much a nothing.
It is precisely this type of bull that has caused me to stop being friends with her a while back....she is my sister and nothing will change that....but that doesn't mean I have to like her or be friends with her....she's hurt me one too many times now....no amount of sorry will repair the damage done....she's pulled crap like this one too many times now.
A few years back she came to visit and one night at supper she called me a cow or heifer no less than 25 times in an hour...I went to bed that night soon as supper was over, crying my eyes out.
She tried to teach Trevor, who was 2.5 at the time, to say I was a bitch.
The list goes on and on....I refuse to be sucked in to her lies anymore...I refuse to feel sorry for her anymore....I don't need that type of person in my life....
If you do read this K....this is why you don't hear from me....this is why you won't be around my children....this is why I want nothing to do with you....you made the choice to be this person and now you have to live with the fact that you have alienated your family....
But as for me, I am standing up and refusing to allow you to hurt me again!!!