Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Getting it off my chest....

I've been contemplating blogging about this...worried that a certain family member would see it...in my blog earlier tonight, I mentioned how dads passing had changed me in some ways...softened my heart a bit towards mom. And that is true....and I'd like to say it was that way for everyone, but it's not.

Do I write this and worry about someone seeing it or do I hold back and keep it in?

To that I say, oh well....if she reads this, then she'll know exactly how I feel, right?

I am the youngest of eight children - my brother, only brother I might add, is the oldest - he is 55....then there are 6 sisters who range in age from 53 to 44. I came along 11 years after my parents thought the family was complete. I was a surprise - in the sense that they weren't planning on more children.

So for 11 years, my sister K was the baby ....and then boom....along comes Erin.

Well, at the funeral, K got up to talk about dad and imagine my surprise when she decides to tell everyone how dad told her she was still his baby no matter what, how she was his favorite and loved her the most. Can you imagine how hurt I felt? K has always done whatever she could for attention, and dads funeral was no exception. at 44 yrs old, I have to wonder when she'll grow up and act like an adult.

There we are at the funeral, my heart is in a million pieces and now I sit and wonder if dad really loved me?! I wonder what all the people who were there thought? Of course, I know deep down that dad did love me, but it still hurts like hell to hear a sister get up in front of a crowd and tell how she was loved more and the favorite.

When the service was over, and the crowd was passing through, she made a point of mentioning it to several people again...and even used the term "mistake" to describe my being born. It hurt me so much that I got in the car and balled my eyes out even more...not wanting to go on to the reception after the funeral...my other sister had to talk me into going...I wanted nothing more than to go home since K made it quite obvious that I was pretty much a nothing.

It is precisely this type of bull that has caused me to stop being friends with her a while back....she is my sister and nothing will change that....but that doesn't mean I have to like her or be friends with her....she's hurt me one too many times now....no amount of sorry will repair the damage done....she's pulled crap like this one too many times now.

A few years back she came to visit and one night at supper she called me a cow or heifer no less than 25 times in an hour...I went to bed that night soon as supper was over, crying my eyes out.

She tried to teach Trevor, who was 2.5 at the time, to say I was a bitch.

The list goes on and on....I refuse to be sucked in to her lies anymore...I refuse to feel sorry for her anymore....I don't need that type of person in my life....

If you do read this K....this is why you don't hear from me....this is why you won't be around my children....this is why I want nothing to do with you....you made the choice to be this person and now you have to live with the fact that you have alienated your family....

But as for me, I am standing up and refusing to allow you to hurt me again!!!

3 comments:

  1. WOW... just... WOW...

    I would cut her too.. only maybe with a knife. Ok maybe not... but I'd want to.

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  2. I agree with Julie Erin--WOW. How sad that she had to pull her jealousy crap at that time and place. I just can't fathom what kind of person thinks that's appropriate! Don't let her make you second guess your Dad's love for you for one second! You know in your heart that she is making things up because your Dad can't speak for himself, and that's just absolutely sickening! Good for you for telling it like it is and severing a very toxic relationship!

    BIG HUGS!! :)

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  3. How sad that she is obviously so insecure and so unsure of being loved that the only thing she can do is try and drag others down to her level of misery, in the hope that she will have some company.
    I am 100% sure that everyone who heard her at the funeral was quietly cringing at her words, I am just as sure that not one person believed even one of them.
    I suspect, when you were on the way that your dad DID tell her that she would always be special to him he may even have said that she would always be his baby ( just as every single one of my children will always be my baby, you never forget exactly how you feel when your baby is born and no matter how many you have, each one stays as loved as they always were)
    Your sister has changed what he said to mean what she wants it to mean.
    She sounds sad, jealous and bitter...she doesn't have what you have and she hates that.
    She spoiled the funeral for herself, I guarantee that no-one, not even she believes a single word of that crap she spouted.

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