Sunday, August 30, 2009

Disappointment

I hadn't heard anything about my referral to see the Bariatric Surgeon, so I decided to call the doctor on Friday to see what was going on. It had been a month since I requested the referral!

Come to find out, the insurance has denied the referral. It makes me angry that they won't even let me be seen by the surgeon first and his team, to let him determine if I would be a good candidate. Nope!

While talking to my doctor's nurse, I find out that I am pre-diabetic and have hyptertension. One would think, that this would have been information I would have been told about. When was she going to tell me? Wait till it was full blown diabetes? etc?

Apparently the insurance would cover it if I had either full blown diabetes, higher hypertension, cardiovascular disease, osteoarthritis, or sleep apnea. The very fact my BMI is now at 51% apparently isn't enough. I don't get it, you'd think it would want to help me before my health declined anymore, not wait till it did decline.

I am baffled and highly disappointed.

I feel like I am back to square one. While I know I can eat the right things, my issue right now is with exercising - I can't do much right now without feeling like I am dying, getting really winded and hurting a great deal. If I could just get 20-30lbs off, so that I could work out would be a great help.

I feel like the wind has been let out of my sails...life just sucks sometimes!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Time to play catch up!

Wow - haven't blogged in a while, but in my defense, things have been crazy lately!

First things first, Trevor started Kindergarten on Tuesday!!! It was bittersweet as I watched him climb the steps to the bus. Yes, he went to preschool last year, but this is different...this is the real deal.






I waited till the best started to pull away and then I sobbed. It seemed like just yesterday I was holding him for the first time...drying his tears...staring into those big, beautiful blue eyes, singing "You Are My Sunshine" to him, and here he was embarking on the beginning of his educational journey!

I waited patiently for him to get home and around 3pm, I went outside to wait for the bus. I was a bit nervous because the bus isn't just for the kindergarten kids - oh no - it's for children from kindergarten through 12th grade. Knowing he'd be riding with big kids, well...it scared and still does scare me.

So I stood there and waited...and waited...and finally I saw his bus at the end of our street, dropping off a child. And with that it made it's way up the street and it passed my drive where I stood, so I waved and the bus driver stopped on the corner and I went over to get Trevor. Only there was no Trevor! This is where my heart began to sink and my stomach began to feel nauseous! The bus driver said she didn't have a Trevor Casey on the bus...I asked her if she was sure - she called out, "Trevor Casey" and nothing...so she offered to let me on the bus to look and I did...and no Trevor! I felt like I was going to vomit in my own mouth. Thoughts began to race through my mind...what if he went on the wrong bus? what if he was let out at the wrong stop? what if he never made it on a bus and someone took him? All sorts of things go through a mama's mind when her flesh and blood is missing!

The bus driver radioed in and while we waited, my cell phone rang - it was the school! Trevor was at school - he had stepped out of his line and missed his bus. A huge wave of relief washed over me. My baby was safe!

I jumped in the car and drove over to school to get him!

What really boils my blood is that school let's out at 2:40pm, I didn't get the call till 3:20pm - so 40 minutes later they finally realize Trevor is still there and call me? Grrrr!!!

It took a lot for me to let him get back on the bus the next day, but he assured me he still wanted to ride the bus, so I let go just a little bit and said, "OK". The mama bear in me wanted to scoop him right up and tell him he was never, ever, going back to school, but I had to let go...

Let me tell you, as the mother of a special needs child, letting go means so much more than just "letting go". It's like watching your heart walk away from you! I am so proud of him - I have no idea what the future holds for Trevor, but I know that he is very smart and will do great things some day!!

His teacher is an absolute doll! She sent home on our "Cookie Day" (aka meet the teacher day) this poem:

The First Day

I gave you a little wink and smile
As you entered my room today.
For I know how hard it is to leave
And know your child must stay.
You've been with him for five years now
And have been a loving guide,
But now, alas, the time has come
To leave him at my side.
Just know that as you drive away
And tears down your cheeks may flow
I'll love him as I would my own
And help him learn and grow.
For as a parent, I too know
How quickly the years do pass
And that one day soon it will be my turn
To take my child to class.
So please put your mind at ease
And cry those tears no more
For I will love him and take him in
When you leave him at my door.

I bawled my eyes out - how incredibly sweet! That meant to much to me, and honestly that right there, made it a teeny bit easier to let him walk away and give up some of my control as the mama!

She implements a system where every child starts out the day with a green paper apple. If you break any of the classroom rules, there are checks and eventually after so many of those, you get a red apple. If you are super good that day, you get not only the green apple, but a star on it. Trevor came home the first day with a green apple with a star. Karl and I were so proud of him! He told us he was the only one to get a star! That is such an amazing feeling to know that despite what happens at home with his meltdowns/outbursts, he is doing so well in school. He also said he was the teachers helper that day!

He's come home every day this week with his green apple with a star! It does a mama's heart good to see such a thing. He brought me home a special painting he did today, complete with a poem - he said he did it since I wasn't feeling good. I stood there reading it and once again, the waterworks came on, and before I knew it, we both were crying and hugging each other. He truly is a special child - a gift given to us, and I can't help but think he was given to us to help us grow as humans.

I am looking forward to seeing where this year will bring us in terms of school. I can already see that Trevor is going to blossom in this class.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Is it a full moon or something?

As if the bull with Walmart wasn't enough, now I am dealing with the stupidity that is EBay. I swore to myself the last time I sold stuff on there was it...but after this last yard sale I did, I decided to put some stuff on there in an attempt to make a few more dollars.

One item happened to be a pair of pink animal print Mary Janes - they were just as cute as can be! I listed them in *excellent used condition* because I felt they were in great condition - no wear on the soles - relatively clean esp. considering they were only worn half a dozen times before Vicky outgrew them. The auction ended Sunday - the person won them for $1.04 plus $4.00 shipping. When I went to do the shipping, there was very little difference between Priority, Priority Flat Rate and Parcel Post, so I used a Flat Rate box, which ended up being $4.80 - so in the end, I only made .24 cents on the shoes ...and of course, have to remember the EBay fees I will pay for the listing as well as the auction selling ...I dare say in the end, I made absolutely nothing!

I shipped the item Monday - thought that was excellent turn around time. The buyer received them today and emailed me - said they looked worn and she would not be putting them on her granddaughter. WTF? I mean seriously...you purchase a pair of used shoes off of EBay for $1.04 plus shipping and you have the freaking nerve to complain they look worn? What do you expect with *USED* shoes? Of course they will be worn...dee-da-dee!! They were in perfect condition all things considered!

So I refunded her the $1.04. I will not refund the shipping - I am sorry, but a lot of big companies, do not refund you when you send something back. I told her to give the shoes to the Salvation Army or another charity, because I am sure there would be someone who would love to have them for their little one.

I've been on EBay for 6+ yrs with this account - I had another one but closed it when I wasn't using it and a couple years later, started this one, anyways point being in all this time of selling, and granted I am not a big time seller, I've never had one complaint - I have 100% feedback. Why is it people these days want everything for nothing? I mean really ...how dare I sell a pair of used shoes that look dare I say it....used?! Gasp!!! Some people.....ugh....

The kids today have been off the wall crazy....not listening...screaming....no napping...I have wanted to run away numerous times today. Trevor got into the fridge and drank the leftover coffee from this morning that I had chilling to make iced coffee this evening...the kid barely sleeps as it is, he doesn't need the coffee...not to mention, it was MINE! ACK!

I am glad that it is coming to bedtime and today will soon be over....I just want to relax tonight...well as much as possible with laundry to do.

Tomorrow we take Trevor to meet a new doctor about an hour and half away....here's hoping this one is better than that last one in Bangor.

Wish us luck!

Walmart and their crappy service!

Back at the end of February I purchased a new pair of frames and lenses - totalling $266.00. When I picked them up, I noticed that they had some gaping between the top of the lens and frame, as well as some chips in the edge of each lens. I really needed them, so I didn't bother to say anything at the time, thinking it wouldn't get any worse than that.

Then last week, I notice the chips in the sides have gotten much bigger, and noticeable to others now, and are affecting my vision when trying to wearing them.

So I called this morning and asked what could be done about it and the gentleman I talked with informed me I could get new lenses or a refund since it was within a year.

I got the kids ready...and we headed up to Walmart, and the gentleman I talked to on the phone started helping me. He took the glasses and I showed him the problems, not like you couldn't miss it, and he went over to the computer and started doing something, and then there was some conversation between him and the two other men there. He came over and said it would be just a moment and I said, "will this cost, because I just want a refund?"...he told me there was no charge, but if I wanted a refund, I could do that.

So, he proceeds to do the refund and then got hung up along the way, and calls over one of the other men, who then informs me I can't get a refund, because it's past the "60 day Satisfaction Guarantee Policy". I said no one had informed when I bought the glasses or picked them up, that there was a "60 Day policy". He basically told me too bad...it was a very strict policy but then in his next breath, said that if it was say a month past that 60 days, he could do something. So much for that "strict" policy, huh?

I told them I didn't want new lenses, because they were poor quality and workmanship and that if I had known about said policy, why would I have held on to them until now?

Oh and then, when I went to leave the first guy is like, here let me clean them for you first...I was like don't bother - they are broken, not like I am going to be wearing them...duh!!!

So I come home and begin an Internet search and sure enough, complaints all over the place about various issues with Walmart Vision Centers....surprise....surprise!!! So I emailed Corporate and have logged complaints with a couple different sites as well. I will make sure everyone I come in contact with knows what a joke they are.

I am disgusted that on the phone I am told I can have a refund...get in the store and told I can have a refund, then suddenly some other guy comes along and no refund....wtf?!

The sweet goodness that is .........Coffee!!!

So I created this monster...well really we did, meaning Karl and I. I don't recall when exactly, but at some point in the last almost 21 months, we got tired of fighting Vicky for sleep...she'd wake up numerous times a night, really it started out with her needing/wanting to nurse...and frankly, it was just so much easier to bring her to bed with me and let her nurse...I was too afraid I'd fall asleep if I sat up trying to hold her and nurse. Originally, I would put her back to bed after....and then it just became super easy to just leave her there all night and give her access to the dairy bar that were once my breasts. Yes, yes, I know it's lazy, but when you have another child in the mix who doesn't sleep either, you hit survival - do or die mode... and in order for us to get some sleep, this was it.

At 16 months, we weaned - not because either of us really wanted to, but because I needed to be on some medication and I am not comfortable taking medication while nursing. At first, I'd have to wait for her to fall asleep in my arms and then transfer her to her crib...eventually she'd wake and I'd just bring her to sleep with us. At some point I got this idea to put her right in her crib but sit on the bed reading or using the laptop till she went to sleep...we don't talk, we don't make eye contact, but it makes her feel comfortable that I am there, and honestly it doesn't take more than 15 minutes usually and she's out like a light.

In the past couple months she's been waking a lot....she had been going 12 or so hours straight, but then that all stopped...and so I've been bringing her back to bed with us even more...sigh....amazing what you'll do for sleep!

Last night she woke up around 11pm-ish and into our bed she came - along with her two small pillows and two blankets....yes, she comes loaded with everything! LOL!! She curls up next to me, snuggled into my arm and body and off to sleep she goes. Now part of me doesn't mind it, because honestly, it's about the only time I get the cuddles - normally, she's much too busy for mama. The other part of me does mind, because when she's in bed with us, I have to lay in the same position all night to make sure she doesn't fall or that we don't roll onto her obviously...so by the time morning rolls around, my back is killing me...and then there is the issue of her waking up around 5am...yes 5am....and she wakes up raring to go...she isn't one of those kids who needs time to wake up, oh no, she's on full blast from the minute her eyes open! LOL!! She'll bounce on me...she'll tickle me...she'll just generally annoy me till I finally relent...and up we get....now I admit, I do usually try to get her to lay there for a bit, but I am not usually successful! This morning we got out of bed before 6am....sigh....and this my friends, is why I am in love with coffee....the sweet goodness that is coffee....my secret love affair....with a packet of equal and a bit of 1/2 and 1/2 and it's a little bit of wonderful in a cup...funnily enough, my mug has a picture of a woman dusting and vacuuming and it says, "Just because I'm a family raising, meal cooking, homemaking wonder, doesn't mean I'm a desperate housewife"...lol....I tell you what, with no sleep, I am pretty desperate, despite what the mug may say! LOL!!

Ok...really must get motivated. I have much housework and laundry to do...but with two cups of coffee under my belt already, I think I can muster up enough energy to get started...though I admit, I am so glad there is much more still in the coffee pot. You know for years, I've tried to convince Karl of the wonders of a morning cup of coffee, but he doesn't buy it...he likes his coffee super sweet and super light...and on a day like today, when I have a headache and was woke up early, I am glad that I have no one to share my sweet relief with! ;-)

xoxo

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Taking a break....

This morning I decided I needed a break from the message boards I visit, as well as Facebook...too bad I didn't adhere to that completely...I went to one of the message boards and got highly pissed off....more about that later...

Anyways, we are going through a bit of a rough patch right now...actually it's been that way for a while now. As I've mentioned before, this move of ours has been a complete disaster! Anyways, Karl was sick last week - 3 days - do you know what that does to ones paycheck when they have no sick time? Yep! You guessed it! Let's just say that his check was around $275 short...it just causes more stress to my life that I don't need right now. Things have already been tight, because his dream job turned out to be a flop - I mean you hire someone promising them so many hours - basically guaranteeing that they will get said hours and then a couple months later, you take those hours away and then some....wonderful! So I am just down right now...and I figured it was best to walk away from the sites I visit regularly...to take a break...don't need to bring anyone else down...not to mention I've had several people make mention of all my "status messages" and the problems I have....to that I say, if you don't like it, don't read it...keep going...what good comes from telling me it seems like I've got a lot of problems....why not try being encouraging instead? You deal with being short on rent and other bills, having a special needs child, living somewhere you didn't want to be, and having health issues, and then tell me how freaking jolly you feel! Sigh....so, like I said I decided to step back....

Unfortunately , that didn't work too well...I ended up going to one of the message boards I visit, which happens to be a debate board...and got sucked in to a parenting debate. Oh joy!!!

The debate stems from a woman misusing a harness on her toddler and dragging said child around a Verizon store. So here is the thing, I don't agree with using it in that manner - it obviously wasn't intended to be used to drag children around on their backs. Now, I fully realize not everyone will use one or like them, but when someone starts getting nasty and starts drawing comparisons between using a harness on a child and a leash on a dog, I get pissed...no, not just pissed, I get downright angry. If you don't like them, fine, don't use it. But by no means, do not insinuate that those who do, lack control of their children or want to treat their child like a dog. And don't go on touting about the use of your stroller, because let's face it, using a stroller to confine a child is no different then me using a harness.

First off, let me clear something up...ignorance about the harness, has lead people to refer to it as a leash. It is not a leash! To call it such, shows how uneducated someone is about them and their use. They are a "child safety harness"...not a leash!

We all talk about what we will and will not do when we have children, and let me say, that all goes out the window when your own child actually comes along. Things you swore you'd never do, you do! And the things you thought for sure you'd do, you find you don't! So before you go spouting off about how horrible harness's are, try having a child first and see what it's like.

I had a harness for Trevor - it looked like an animal-shaped back pack! He loved it! We didn't use it for every outing by any means, but anywhere there was a large crowd where he could have easily slipped from our hands or been grabbed, etc. It gave him the ability to walk and not always be cooped up in the stroller and gave us a better feeling that as we walked along, he could not take off on us. We didn't put the harness on, so that we could treat him like a family pet. We did not put the harness on him so that we could ignore him. We did not put the harness on him because we were too lazy to teach him how to walk next to us or hold hands. We did not put the harness on him because we were bad parents. We put the harness on him because we loved him enough to be able to admit that he was a difficult child and that we wanted to do whatever we could to add protection when we were out. Trevor is 5.5 yrs old now, and of course, he no longer needs a harness, he stays close to us, but I have no regrets using it back then. No it didn't give me a false sense of security....instead it was just another layer of safety - a tool...and in all reality, no different that buckling a child into a stroller - the only difference is one allows the child to stretch their legs and walk (esp. w/out having to hold their poor little arm up in the air holding onto mom or dads hand) and the other keeps them sitting.

This is one of those topics I am so passionate about - I get so tired of people inferring that people who use them are bad parents or treating their child like an animal. So here is the thing, if you don't like them, fine, but don't go calling them a leash or telling people it's like treating a child like a dog, etc....that is just plain ole' ignorant!

Oh how I wish I hadn't gone and read that...makes my blood boil just to think about it....sigh....

Off to get some coffee and relax....hey, who knows...maybe taking a break will give me the chance to do more reading right now. If you don't see me in my usual haunts, you know you can always find me here....I'll still be posting on my blog!

See ya....