Wow - haven't blogged in a while, but in my defense, things have been crazy lately!
First things first, Trevor started Kindergarten on Tuesday!!! It was bittersweet as I watched him climb the steps to the bus. Yes, he went to preschool last year, but this is different...this is the real deal.
I waited till the best started to pull away and then I sobbed. It seemed like just yesterday I was holding him for the first time...drying his tears...staring into those big, beautiful blue eyes, singing "You Are My Sunshine" to him, and here he was embarking on the beginning of his educational journey!
I waited patiently for him to get home and around 3pm, I went outside to wait for the bus. I was a bit nervous because the bus isn't just for the kindergarten kids - oh no - it's for children from kindergarten through 12th grade. Knowing he'd be riding with big kids, well...it scared and still does scare me.
So I stood there and waited...and waited...and finally I saw his bus at the end of our street, dropping off a child. And with that it made it's way up the street and it passed my drive where I stood, so I waved and the bus driver stopped on the corner and I went over to get Trevor. Only there was no Trevor! This is where my heart began to sink and my stomach began to feel nauseous! The bus driver said she didn't have a Trevor Casey on the bus...I asked her if she was sure - she called out, "Trevor Casey" and nothing...so she offered to let me on the bus to look and I did...and no Trevor! I felt like I was going to vomit in my own mouth. Thoughts began to race through my mind...what if he went on the wrong bus? what if he was let out at the wrong stop? what if he never made it on a bus and someone took him? All sorts of things go through a mama's mind when her flesh and blood is missing!
The bus driver radioed in and while we waited, my cell phone rang - it was the school! Trevor was at school - he had stepped out of his line and missed his bus. A huge wave of relief washed over me. My baby was safe!
I jumped in the car and drove over to school to get him!
What really boils my blood is that school let's out at 2:40pm, I didn't get the call till 3:20pm - so 40 minutes later they finally realize Trevor is still there and call me? Grrrr!!!
It took a lot for me to let him get back on the bus the next day, but he assured me he still wanted to ride the bus, so I let go just a little bit and said, "OK". The mama bear in me wanted to scoop him right up and tell him he was never, ever, going back to school, but I had to let go...
Let me tell you, as the mother of a special needs child, letting go means so much more than just "letting go". It's like watching your heart walk away from you! I am so proud of him - I have no idea what the future holds for Trevor, but I know that he is very smart and will do great things some day!!
His teacher is an absolute doll! She sent home on our "Cookie Day" (aka meet the teacher day) this poem:
The First Day
I gave you a little wink and smile
As you entered my room today.
For I know how hard it is to leave
And know your child must stay.
You've been with him for five years now
And have been a loving guide,
But now, alas, the time has come
To leave him at my side.
Just know that as you drive away
And tears down your cheeks may flow
I'll love him as I would my own
And help him learn and grow.
For as a parent, I too know
How quickly the years do pass
And that one day soon it will be my turn
To take my child to class.
So please put your mind at ease
And cry those tears no more
For I will love him and take him in
When you leave him at my door.
I bawled my eyes out - how incredibly sweet! That meant to much to me, and honestly that right there, made it a teeny bit easier to let him walk away and give up some of my control as the mama!
She implements a system where every child starts out the day with a green paper apple. If you break any of the classroom rules, there are checks and eventually after so many of those, you get a red apple. If you are super good that day, you get not only the green apple, but a star on it. Trevor came home the first day with a green apple with a star. Karl and I were so proud of him! He told us he was the only one to get a star! That is such an amazing feeling to know that despite what happens at home with his meltdowns/outbursts, he is doing so well in school. He also said he was the teachers helper that day!
He's come home every day this week with his green apple with a star! It does a mama's heart good to see such a thing. He brought me home a special painting he did today, complete with a poem - he said he did it since I wasn't feeling good. I stood there reading it and once again, the waterworks came on, and before I knew it, we both were crying and hugging each other. He truly is a special child - a gift given to us, and I can't help but think he was given to us to help us grow as humans.
I am looking forward to seeing where this year will bring us in terms of school. I can already see that Trevor is going to blossom in this class.