Monday, September 7, 2009

So much for that....

Trevor's new psychiatrist wanted us to try taking him off his Strattera to see if it helped him sleep better at night. Strattera being a stimulant, he said, it might be going against the nighttime medication and that might be what is still keeping him up at night. So last Wednesday was the last day for the Strattera, and he started sleeping all night without waking once. Oh happy joy joy!!! Wait, a moment....not so fast.....see, without that medication for him during the day, his days got worse despite his nights being good! He's been off the wall - hyper beyond words - loud - obnoxious - fighting with Vicky more - sneaking into things, etc. Today Karl and I just looked at each other and said this isn't going to work. Great that he sleeps all night, but we shouldn't have to pay for it during the day then. He was already struggling during the day with the meltdowns and outbursts, we sure didn't need to add anything to that.

So, we'll have to let the doctor know how it went and see what other avenue we can try. It's such a fine line trying to find the balance of medications to help each issue. Seems like you just get one all set and it creates issues elsewhere. I'd love to be able to say Trevor could come off all medications, but that just isn't possible. I am not saying all kids with issues should be medicated, but we've seen what Trevor was like without any medications and that is not a place I am willing to revisit any time soon.

And I think there is this idea that somehow kids like Trevor with Asperger's can be medicated, and that is wrong. Trevor isn't medicated for the Asperger's - he's on medication for issues that go along with it - such as his ADHD/OCD tendencies and sleep issues.

I have no idea what the future holds for Trevor and us as a family, but I hope and pray that with the help of this new doctor, we can get Trevor in better control of his emotions and actions. This is a long journey and we are in it for the long haul!

The other day he had a meltdown and to be honest, I can't for the life of me remember exactly what the reason for it, but after he had finally come down from it, he came over and flopped into my arms and started bawling - he said his brain hurts - he has too many thoughts - and that he wants his brain out. It is really the first time he's given any indication as to what it's like to be him - to have Asperger's Syndrome. It hurts my heart to know that I can't fix it all and make it go away. As a mother, we tend to think that is part of our job - fixing everything - making things better - healing the owies - kissing booboo's - etc, but then something like Asperger's comes along, and you find yourself with your hands tied - it's something that a kiss or hug can't fix unfortunately, and for this mama, that is a hard pill to swallow.

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