Friday, November 27, 2009

Victoria's 2 yr Check Up

I took Victoria for her two year check-up today! Her current stats are:

24.6lbs
33 inches
18.5 head circum.

She's about in the 25% for her height/weight. Her head hasn't grown any since her last check up in July.

All in all, she is doing quite well. The doctor was impressed with all the talking she is doing now - it's as if overnight her whole vocabulary just exploded. I am sure some of that has to do with listening to her big brother. She can count up to 10 in English and Spanish with help and she can do the alphabet with help. She is undressing/dressing herself with minimal help.

We discussed the biting that she is doing, and the doctor recommended setting up the pack-n-play to use as her time out place. Guess I will put that up tomorrow and give it a try - if it works, it will be well worth having that take up space in my small living room.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

One in a million!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I as I sit here thinking about the holidays, I am a bit saddened that Karl is stuck working his normal hours tonight, which means getting home a little after 7pm, when the kids are already in bed.

I hate Karl's job to be perfectly blunt and I know in these hard economic times I should just be grateful that he has a job at all, but after having had a boss who was one-in-a-million, I guess I am spoiled.

For 5+ years I worked for a friend - it was a small business with less than 10 employees - and my friend was an awesome boss. He took care of his employees as if they were his family - and we really were a small family. He looked out for us and we, in turn, looked out for each other. He wasn't the type to sit back behind the desk while doling out orders and watching the rest of us bust our humps. No, not him...he was right there with us, busting his hump too. If one of us needed a day off, he picked up the extra work himself half the time. At Christmas we got very generous Christmas bonus's ...and my kids weren't forgotten either. Birthdays he'd take us out for lunch/dinner and there was always a bouquet of flowers at my door on my birthday. Even now after having moved away about 20 months ago, he still takes care of my kids on their birthdays and Christmas. They know him as "uncle". Trevor just adores him to pieces. Vicky was too little to ever know him but that doesn't stop him from spoiling her too.

When I went on maternity leave with the kids, he paid me a portion of my weekly pay each week even though it wasn't required by law since it was such a small company. He bent over backwards to make sure that the work I was doing when I was pregnant was safe and not too strenuous, etc. When I was in the hospital having Trevor, he went and got our prescriptions picked up for us and filled my fridge with groceries and meals. When I went in to have Victoria, he came over at 4:30am to stay with Trevor, who was still sleeping. When Trevor got up, he got him dressed and took him to his house for the day and his wife and daughter took Trevor out and did things with him. After I was in recovery, he brought Trevor up to see me in the hospital.

I guess, as I said I was spoiled with a boss who did everything he could to keep his employees happy. He knew he had an awesome group of employees and didn't take that for granted, and we knew we had an awesome boss, which made it so easy to put in 110% every day.

He's even said if we move back down there, which I am hoping we will be able to do in the next year or so, that he will hire me back on. How awesome is that?!

I wish there were more bosses like that out there...bosses who value their employees....bosses who aren't afraid of doing the hard work along with their employees...bosses who treat their employees like family.

As I sit here on Thanksgiving eve, I am so thankful that for those years I was able to work for my friend. It was truly a gift!!! I just wish others could experience what I have...I wish that on the holidays, that people were able to be at home with their families like I was afforded when I had my job...I wish that there were more bosses like my friend....

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Two years ago my world changed....

Two years ago, Thanksgiving was on November 22.....I was 9 months pregnant and miserable as could be. I wasn't sure if I would even be able to make our traditional dinner for Thanksgiving that year. Thankfully with Karls help, I plugged along and made a wonderful meal. I remember as that day progressed, I could barely walk up the stairs...at one point I remember just collapsing onto the stairs....crying my eyes out....it felt like my pubic bone had split right apart....my feet were so swollen....the pain in my back was unbearable....now don't get me wrong, I was miserable but I loved being pregnant...shoot, I'd be pregnant right now if I could. But alas, back to my story...little did I know that what I felt was just the beginning of things to come. Black Friday was much the same as Thanksgiving in terms of how I was feeling. I remember getting up in the middle of the night...pacing....bent over the dresser - rocking back and forth in pain.

On November 24th, things really started happening...here is a look back at what I posted a year ago ....

My morning started by waking around 4am and having to use the bathroom, only to discover I was spotting. I was just 5 days away from my due date, and the presence of some blood, be it a small amount, but blood no less, left me worried. I woke Karl to tell him what was going on...and went to the bathroom again, only to see a bit more spotting. I put a call into the doctor, and the doctor on call, said it was most likely nothing but to go into the ER just the same, better to be safe than sorry. So around 5am that morning, after our friend Jay came to stay with Trevor, off we went to the hospital. I was registered and immediately brought up to L&D, and hooked up to monitors. I was contracting every 2-3 minutes and they were becoming more painful as they went on.

Long story short, after much discussion about whether to keep me or send me home, my doctor arrived and decided that with the contractions coming so quickly, the fact I was dilated to 3cm, he gave the ok to admit me and prep me for my c/section. I had originally been scheduled to have a c/section on the following Monday - 11/26.

After that things, got rock-n-rollin' pretty quickly! Before I knew it I was walking down the hall to the OR - its like taking your final walk ...lol...you go in as one and come out as two...

And finally, at 11:28am, Victoria Shannon made her appearance - 8lbs 13oz and 19.75 inches - full head of black hair - and every bit as gorgeous as I had imagined.


During my c/section.


Welcome to the world baby girl!!!


So in love....perfect love....


2 Months Old


6 Months Old


9 Months Old


1 Year Old


15 Months








18 Months


2 Years Old

Here is to you Victoria - this is your day - this is your life!!! I love you to the moon and back! You are my world!

Before you were conceived
I wanted you
Before you were born
I loved you
Before you were here an hour
I would give my life for you
This is the miracle of life.
~ Maureen Hawkins"
 
 

Parent-Teacher Conference

Last night we got to attend our very first parent-teacher conference of our lives as parents. It's weird, as we were driving to the school, we were talking about how we couldn't believe what we were doing and that we had a child old enough to be doing this. Sometimes I act so silly right along with the kids, that I find it hard to believe that I have an almost 6 yr old.

Trevor's teacher is so sweet - I just love her to pieces! And she loves Trevor too!! Trev is doing awesome in school. He's her right hand man - helping her out whenever he can. She said he is so very smart - there are no areas that he needs to work on - he's right where he should be or ahead of the game. She said he is very well behaved and just a joy to have in class. 

It does my heart good to hear this...ever since we started having behavior issues with Trev, I used to wonder how he would be in school. I was worried that the issues at home would carry over to school and that I'd be getting calls home on a weekly basis. Granted it's only kindergarten, but to hear that he is so well behaved and so smart...talk about a relief! I hope that as his schooling continues over the years, that he'll continue to be such a good student and well behaved.

I've had numerous professionals tell us how children with Aspergers save their worst behaviors for at home, because that is their safety zone so to speak. And I am glad to know that despite our issues here at home - the meltdowns - the rage - that all that isn't part of who he is at school - that those things so far aren't affecting his schooling.

In the end, Karl and I walked out of that school last night with smiles on our faces and pride in our hearts for Trevor and the amazing student he is.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Autism Society of America: For Mothers of Children with Autism, Caregiving Life Proves Stressful

Autism Society of America: For Mothers of Children with Autism, Caregiving Life Proves Stressful

Wish I could just shut my mouth!!!

I am a yeller!

There I said it - in black and white - for the world to see.

That said, I am not proud of this fact at all.

I grew up in a home where yelling and physical abuse was the norm. Now let me say right off the bat, some of my siblings disagree with my view of how my childhood was. And you know what? That is fine!!! But in my mind, what was said and done was abusive and nothing will ever change my mind. Giving your child a busted lip, bloody nose, etc is not a normal discipline measure - these are things not done by sane, rational parents. So you call it what you want, but I will stand by calling it abusive.

I knew growing up that I didn't want to follow in my mothers footsteps - hitting my children was not something I ever wanted to do. I didn't want to inflict that kind of pain on them that I had growing up. I didn't want them growing up fearing when I'd fly off the handle next. I wanted our home to be full of love.

I took a lot of flack when I said we were against spanking - how many times did I hear from my mother alone, "he just needs a good beating"...to this day no one has ever been able to give me a good explanation of a "good beating" vs. a "bad beating". Beating your child is beating your child. Sugar coat it all you want...wrap it up in cotton candy for all I care, but it doesn't change anything.

Unfortunately with Trevor's behavior we found ourselves resorting to spanking and it backfired on us - all it did was teach him to hit us - to be physical when upset/angry/sad. It didn't not curb the unwanted behaviors, it just created more.

Oh but the yelling....for whatever reason I got it in my head, that somehow yelling was better than laying a hand on a child, and while I still do believe that laying my hands on a person much smaller than me who I am supposed to be protecting is just wrong, why I felt it was ok to yell like a crazy woman is beyond me!

I guess I figured if I was yelling, then I wasn't hitting and I knew there was a fine line between spanking in discipline and being abusive and I didn't want to ever cross that line.

Tonight as I sat down here at the computer and yelled once again up to Trevor who was angry with me for taking his marker away, to be quiet before he wakes his sister, I realized this is out of control. I've got to stop!!! Yelling at the top of my lungs isn't helping diffuse any situations, it's not getting my point across any better, it does nothing other than make me look like a pathetic piece of crap who can't keep her cool.

I really must make a genuine effort to stop yelling at my children - to learn how to keep my cool when frazzled. How can I rightly get angry with my children for yelling at each other as well as us, when I am modeling the very behavior I don't want to see in them? The truth of the matter is, I can't! I've got to be the person I want them to be - yelling and flipping is no better than spanking my children when it comes right down to it.

So there you have it ....I am a yeller....but I hope that now that I see this problem within myself, I can do what it takes to change that, not just for my children, but for myself as well.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Where did the magic go?

Christmas season is full upon us - the stores barely got Halloween over before they were filling their shelves with all things Christmas. Poor Thanksgiving stuck between Halloween and Christmas - it's like the "red headed step child" - it gets no attention - nary a decoration in site. Why is this? Is it because it's a day to "give thanks"? Surely there must be a market for Thanksgiving decor, no? Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday - for one it falls in the most wonderful time of year - fall. While the traditional Christmas colors of red and green are pretty, they do not hold a candle to the warm burnt oranges, the spicy yellows, the apple reds, the decadent browns - fall just screams warmth to me. There is something so comforting about fall and Thanksgiving.

But this isn't about Thanksgiving...this is about Christmas. Somewhere along the way, the older I get, I have found that Christmas is loosing it's magic for me. Where did it go? Is it because we are bombarded with Christmas several months before it's on our doorstep? Is it because there is so much pressure in general to make Christmas fantastic?

I tried today to listen to Christmas music and I'll be honest, it doesn't have the same hold over me that it once had. There was a time when I'd listen to Christmas music from sun up till sun down, but it seems that time has come and gone. There was a time when I couldn't wait to dig out the decorations and turn the house into a winter wonderland, but that has also disappeared.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I want to do away with Christmas by any means, but it just has lost that splendor....lost that magic that it used to bring me.

I thought with having children that Christmas would be even more magical for me then it ever was, but that isn't the case.

With Trevor's issues, he really doesn't get all that excited about Christmas....he'll open gifts with almost a blank expression - showing next to no emotion. It's hard to get excited for a child when they don't have an excitement themselves. I am left wondering if he really likes the things he received, because unlike most children, you can't read his face for those telltale signs.

And of course, Victoria is still young and pretty much clueless about Christmas. She doesn't understand about Christmas and Santa yet.

I was asked today when I was putting up my tree (yes, we are an artificial family) and I replied, "December 24th"....is it horrible of me that I have no desire these days to decorate? I felt this way last year and the year before and the year before and well, you get the idea. I am sure we'll decorate sooner, but I dread it - Vicky is in that stage where she is testing the boundaries and to be quite honest, I have no desire to spend my day constantly redirecting her away from the tree. I have no desire to sit on guard near the tree for several weeks making sure that nothing is touched by little exploring fingers.

I used to do a lot of baking at the holidays and since we've moved, I do not have anyone to bake for anymore and I miss that. We definitely don't need to have a house full of goodies, no matter how good, with two diabetics under the roof.

I remember Christmas growing up....being so excited....doing all sorts of crafts in school - wreaths made from trash bags and hangers - paintings - ornaments - it was so much fun. I so looked forward to it each and every year. And of course the accompanying weeks vacation...what child didn't love that? I remember my mother baking up a storm - trying to sneak a taste of a cookie here and there - the smells of holiday goodies wafting through the air - Christmas 8 tracks or lp's playing in the background - hot chocolate with lots of marshmallow fluff topping the mug - curling up to watch Christmas special after Christmas special - oh how I love "Miracle on 34th Street"....putting up the Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving....Christmas day everyone gathering - my siblings who were already out of the house coming home to visit ...sitting around while dad passed out gifts to each and everyone of us ...he was our very own "Santa"....and then the big huge meal ....it was truly magical....

Where did that magic go? Is it unrealistic to expect that as a grown up?

Of course this holiday season will be the first without dad and that hurts like hell....I'd like to just go to sleep and skip over it to be honest...I want my daddy here....I want the magic that once was....

Will that magic ever reappear?

Monday, November 16, 2009

Happy (early) Birthday Victoria!

Happy Birthday Victoria!

Ok, so technically her birthday isn't till the 24th of this month, but we celebrated yesterday with a party! Some of the family are going away next week, so we decided to have it early, so we could include everyone!

It was a nice little party....though like any family gathering, or at least any gathering of my family, there were a few comments made that could have been left unsaid.....sigh....

Victoria looked absolutely beautiful in a little light blue wool sweater dress. I had put her hair in rollers yesterday morning, so she had some cute curls to go along with her dress! I know she is my daughter and that makes me a bit biased, but she is such a beautiful little girl and I am just amazed by it. I see her and I can't help but wonder how did I get so lucky to have such a beautiful child? Well actually, two beautiful children, because Trevor is so handsome too!

Anyways, she got some fabulous gifts - a new Tinkerbell CD player and a Tinkerbell clock for her bedroom. We are working on decorating her room in Tinkerbell - hoping to get some more of the Tink stuff for Christmas.

She also got some adorable clothes....some cute toys including the awesome "Spongebob Barbie", "Fisher Price Little People Bus", "My Little Pony Styling Pony - Pinkie Pie" and "VTech Tote and Go Laptop" and several other awesome toys! I don't know who is having more fun playing with them, me or her! LOL!!

It's had to believe that she is just about 2 years old. I struggle to remember our family before she came along. What I do remember is worrying about how Trevor would be....you know he had been an only child for almost 4 years and now we were turning his world upside down. But you know it's been such an amazing thing. Vicky has brought such joy to each and everyone us...she's made our family even more incredible than it was before....I can't imagine our family without her.

Happy birthday baby girl - we love you to the moon and back!!! xoxo

Friday, November 13, 2009

Wish they would understand....

It's 2:40am and I am still awake....Karl has just fallen asleep and Victoria is between us snoring up a storm...I can't sleep....there is a fire very close to us and I can hear the trucks and saws and explosions and it's keeping me awake right now...so here I am blogging once again...

I was out with my mother today....and I tried to talk to her about my feelings regarding Trevor - basically about what I had blogged about the other day. And she just doesn't get it....none of them really seem to get it. It's so frustrating! I know we are struggling to come to grips with it, so I can understand from that perspective, but to just think he'll grow out of this is ridiculous. You just don't one day get up and voila - no more autism. That isn't how it works! Yes, as he gets older, it could get better in terms of how he handles/manages it, but it will never just magically go away.

When I tried to explain to mom about how I miss the "old" Trevor...the smiles...the giggles....the eye contact....the hugs and kisses...well she played it off that all school age kids stop doing that. I beg to differ! This isn't like Trevor just doesn't want to kiss his mommy anymore. He actually says it hurts when we hug him now...he says he can't breathe. And we aren't talking bear hugs here either...but just a normal "I love you" type of hug. This is a child who as I said avoids eye contact - he'll carry on a whole conversation with someone looking in the opposite direction. This is a child who often complains that his brain hurts and that he had too many thoughts.

I am just so tired of hearing that so and so said he's normal, so he must be. Does so and so have a degree in developmental pediatrics? Does so and so specialize in Autism and Autism Spectrum Disorders? Does so and so have a child on the spectrum? What's that you say? No? Yeah, I didn't think so!!! Just because some 60 yr old woman who sees him for 2 hours at church a couple times a month feels he is normal, doesn't make it so!

We just got a new case manager for Trevor and she seems wonderful. She's working on getting us things we/he needs, be it locks for the doors, information about a horse therapy program, local activities, etc. We are having a group meeting next week and I've requested that my mom and both of my sisters who live here attend - I want them to see and be part of this....hoping that this will help them understand what we go through...that maybe they'll see how we need their support and understanding instead of just brushing it off or trying to explain it away.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Big bed...little bed....decisions...decisions!!

Victoria has only been in her crib roughly a year. My parents got her the crib mattress as her birthday gift last year, because prior to that, she was in a pack-n-play or our bed. (Being in a 2 bedroom house, space was a premium!)

So when we started throwing around the idea of her moving into a "big" girl bed, we tossed around the idea of a toddler bed or a twin size bed.

Now with Trevor, we did a toddler bed and it didn't last long. Don't get me wrong, the bed itself held up just fine, it was his growing so quickly and getting so big, that outgrew the bed. So I had said if I ever had another child, I wouldn't waste my money on another toddler bed and I'd just go straight to the twin bed.

Well then we have little Victoria, who if she continues on her own little growth curve, could very well use a toddler bed till she's 5. And there is the like new crib mattress that also makes the idea of a toddler bed more appealing. We had decided to do the toddler bed for her! Problem solved, right? Wrong! Then it was trying to decide between a wooden bed or a heavy plastic "Tinkerbell" canopy bed. (Her bedroom will be all Tinkerbell). Karl was leaning more towards the wooden one for aesthetics and the fact it would match her furniture quite well, but I thought maybe the Tinkerbell canopy bed would actually keep her in it and be fun for her....you know, trying to appeal to her childish side...LOL!

But then last night, as she woke up and came to our bed, maybe we should just get the twin bed...and this way when she wakes up and wants mommy, I could go in and lay with her till she goes back to sleep and then slip out and back to my room?!

Yes, I know she is almost two, and while there are times I just want to go to bed and roll about without a care, there is a bigger part of me that enjoys her snuggling up to me and going to sleep in my arms. She's only going to be little for so long...and she's only going to want to snuggle for so long....and besides it's not like she spends the whole night in our bed....

So anyways, now we are trying to decide toddler bed or twin bed...what to do...what to do?!

Reality Hits Home....

Trevor has been wearing pull-ups at night since he potty trained. I had thought maybe we could stop using them, but the medication he is on tends to make him constipated which puts pressure on his bladder, and then add in the fact the one medication is to help him sleep, sometimes he doesn't even realize he's gone in his sleep. So right now we have no diapers in the house for him, and the night before last he had wet the bed twice. I stripped his bed, but last night he didn't want me to put a sheet on the bed - so all that was on the bed was the vinyl mattress cover. I felt bad letting him sleep like that, but there are just some things I refuse to fight over, and that was one of them.

So last night, he woke up again having wet the bed, and Karl went in and helped him out. Karl got back into bed after and said he felt awful and when I questioned what he meant, he said in regards to Trevor sleeping like that - no sheet on his bed and his room a mess (another battle I fight with him on almost daily). And I said I know but this what he likes in terms of the no sheet. I got up to go to the bathroom and came back to bed and heard what I thought was crying....sure enough, my tough guy husband, was crying. I asked what was wrong and it all came spilling out. The reality of what Trevor has and who Trevor is has finally really hit home. Before I knew it we were both crying our eyes out...Vicky who was in bed with us, still awake, gave me a big hug and attempted to dry my eyes.

We talked for quite some time....we have all these unanswered questions....why did this have to happen to him? when did it actually happen? granted we saw changes in him along the way but what/when was the defining moment?

I finally came out and admitted to Karl that I miss the Trevor I once knew. I know people have said over and over he's the same Trevor ....but for us he's not the same Trevor. He is most definitely not the child I gave birth to. He's not the happy-go-lucky, always smiling, always giggling, loving little guy I gave birth to. Somewhere along the way, that lil guy was taken from us and replaced with a little boy who avoids eye contact as much as possible, who hates being hugged and kisses, who is angry/sad more than happy, who rages over seemingly nothing, who flaps his arms/hands when stressed, who can't handle crowds or loud noises, whose interests are so narrow, etc. The truth of the matter is, I am mourning the loss of "our" Trevor. When I tell you I miss that boy till my heart hurts and feels like it will explode, I mean it - I can't put it into words any clearer than that. I long to have that little boy back. I want the little boy back who would look into my eyes and tell me he loved me ...who would kiss me a million times and then once more....instead of the little boy who now tells me he hates me on a daily basis...who spits at me....who wishes I were dead....who wants a new mom.

I love my children to the moon and back...I'd step in front of a train for them...take a bullet for them...I'd go to the ends of the earth to protect them....but the honest truth is, I sometimes don't like the child Trevor has become. Some days I feel like I am living with a stranger.

I am left wondering what will become of Victoria....will there be a day when something just changes, just like it did with Trevor, and we will have lost her as well?! I don't know as though I can handle loosing another one of my children to Autism (Asperger's). I am just so scared that Victoria will end up having it as well.

I wish I could go back in time and push the doctors who blew me off in a way when I voiced my concerns about Trevor and his behavior. I was a new mom who didn't know anything about anything when it came down to it, but his behaviors just didn't seem right to me. Why, oh why didn't I pursue it? Why didn't I insist something be done? Why didn't I go with my gut? No one wants to know there is anything wrong with their child, but at the same time, who wants to turn a blind eye to it either and pretend the issues aren't there? Looking back there were so many signs that just were brushed off or explained away....the walking on his tippy toes ALL THE TIME....the repetitive movements...the fixation on vacuums....the arm flapping...the sensory issues with clothing and noise....the banging his head on the floor when upset....just some of the things that struck me as odd but no one including Karl wanted to entertain the idea that I could be on to something.

Of course, Karl now regrets brushing my concerns off, but like myself, he was a first time dad, with much less experience than I had with children and he just didn't want to think anything could be wrong with our Trevor.

I sat yesterday afternoon looking at pictures from Trevor's second year of life and I cried...I miss that boy so much...pictures that show his incredible blue eyes so full of life and silliness....a smile that could light up a room....he was just such a different child before all of it started....

We are trying to do the best we can navigating the world of Aspergers, and I'll be the first to admit we have a lot to learn, and I'd like to think in time things will be easier or at least easier to come to terms with, but right now we mourn for our first born while we come to accept our "new" son.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Regrets....

So here I am 33 years old and quickly approaching 34 ...seriously it's on the horizon and I am not sure how I feel about that!

I always wanted to be a mom, as I've said before, it was never a question of "if" but "when". I always knew that this is what I wanted. Though I must admit, my childhood dream included a white house with white picket fence, a husband who went to work every day in a 3 piece suit and briefcase in hand, 4 kids, and of course a dog. And of course, that is definitely not my reality! LOL!!

Prior to our move, I used to work overnights and I loved my job! Don't get me wrong, I had those days where I just didn't want to get up and go out, but who doesn't have one of those days now and again? When we moved up here in March of 2008, I instantly became a stay-at-home-mom (sahm). It was a dream come true! Of course, once we got the diagnosis that Trevor had Asperger's Syndrome and we began running to appointments at least once a week, sometimes more, I realized how valuable being home really was. I don't know of any job where I could take as much time off as I would have needed the past 18+ months.

Lately though I feel useless...pondering what have I really accomplished in this life?! I find myself asking Karl about every single purchase I make, right down to a cup of coffee. And don't get me wrong, Karl doesn't require that of me, but I do it out of guilt because I feel guilty not bringing a single dime into the house. Honestly, I can't get past viewing it as his money since it's his job.

I feel like I should be doing more with my life...I feel like I should have made something of my life. Here I am still wondering, "what do I want to be when I grow up"? I was hoping to start the Doula classes, but had to put that on the back burner while finances are tight right now.

But I can't help think back to my college days...and wish I had applied myself more...wish I had done better...wish I had continued on past that first year....I regret dropping out...

I just feel like I've got nothing to show for my 33 years...what have I done? what impact have I had?

I have two fabulous children, who even when they have me on the verge of pulling out every single hair, I still love to the moon and back and I wouldn't change that for anything. But I honestly do worry that I'll be a disappointment to them. Will they be embarrassed that their mom made nothing of her life? Will they be jealous that a friends mom is a doctor or lawyer or accountant and their mom has sat home for years knitting and scrapbooking and cleaning?

Yes, I do have regrets...no I wouldn't change anything because I know it might change the fact that I have these two wonderful kids, but if I could be guaranteed that wouldn't change, I'd do a do-over in a heartbeat.

Sometimes I feel like it's too late now for me to become something...to do anything worthwhile....to make a difference....

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Tuesday, November 3, 2009

This bites!

In just 3 short weeks, Victoria will be 2 years old. I ask myself quite often, where has the time gone?

Around 6 months of age, Vic took to biting me when nursing. I tried to stop it best as I could, but that didn't work too well. I thought when we stopped nursing at 16 months, that it would come to an end. Boys, was I ever wrong!!

She has continued to bite - mostly me! Oh she'll go after Trevor if he pisses her off enough, but 99% of the time, I am on the receiving end of her sharp baby teeth. I can't believe how sharp those lil guys are - going to have to give her a bone to wear those things down! LOL!!

She bites me for fun....for anger....for not getting her way....for play....basically there is no rhyme or reason to her chomping away at my tender skin!

Yesterday she bite me on the breast...broke skin...left a nasty mark .....that time was purely fun. Last night she bite me out of anger and I could barely get her to release, and now I have a nasty mark on my arm. Today she bite me on the hand resulting in another nasty mark. I bruise easily, so these marks look horrible after a day or so.

I am at a total loss...I've tried pretty much everything including things I swore I'd never do....black pepper, hot sauce, red pepper, vinegar, lemon, time outs, a quick pop on the mouth, biting back and lastly soap....and nothing deters her. I need this to stop and now....I am afraid that she might take her biting to the next level and bite another child or adult and then won't I feel like an ass?!

Short of getting a muzzle...just kidding...or maybe...no, no, really I am just kidding....I am just out of ideas.

Seems to be by 2 yrs old, this should be coming to a stop. She will not apologize for her behavior, but she does know she's done wrong. Sometimes she'll put her head down and look away...other times, she laughs hysterically ....oh vey....

Maybe I should try to get her a role in the next Twilight movie?

Monday, November 2, 2009

Awesome News!

I got a chance to speak today with Patty Gross from the North Star Foundation - they are a foundation that helps place dogs with children with special needs, for example Autism. We have gotten the green-light to start fundraising for a service dog for Trevor.

I can't begin to tell you what an incredible feeling this is. Karl and I think that Trevor could benefit greatly from a service dog. To be given this opportunity is amazing. I feel like we've been given a gift...new direction if you will.

We need to raise $5000.00 - which covers the cost of the puppy as well as all vet care/transportation/incidentals for the first year of the pups life. I wish we had the money to just write a check ourselves and get it going sooner, but that isn't possible, so we are going to be fundraising.

However, once we raise our money, we will be put on the very short waiting list and in about 6 months, on average, we should have our new family member. I am so excited for Trevor, and us as a whole family.

If you'd like to donate, email me and I'll get you the information you need so that your donation specifically goes to help Trevor!  Just put "Fundraiser" in the subject line so that I don't overlook it.

I will be posting updates as we go along in our process! Let the journey begin!