Thursday, November 19, 2009

Wish I could just shut my mouth!!!

I am a yeller!

There I said it - in black and white - for the world to see.

That said, I am not proud of this fact at all.

I grew up in a home where yelling and physical abuse was the norm. Now let me say right off the bat, some of my siblings disagree with my view of how my childhood was. And you know what? That is fine!!! But in my mind, what was said and done was abusive and nothing will ever change my mind. Giving your child a busted lip, bloody nose, etc is not a normal discipline measure - these are things not done by sane, rational parents. So you call it what you want, but I will stand by calling it abusive.

I knew growing up that I didn't want to follow in my mothers footsteps - hitting my children was not something I ever wanted to do. I didn't want to inflict that kind of pain on them that I had growing up. I didn't want them growing up fearing when I'd fly off the handle next. I wanted our home to be full of love.

I took a lot of flack when I said we were against spanking - how many times did I hear from my mother alone, "he just needs a good beating"...to this day no one has ever been able to give me a good explanation of a "good beating" vs. a "bad beating". Beating your child is beating your child. Sugar coat it all you want...wrap it up in cotton candy for all I care, but it doesn't change anything.

Unfortunately with Trevor's behavior we found ourselves resorting to spanking and it backfired on us - all it did was teach him to hit us - to be physical when upset/angry/sad. It didn't not curb the unwanted behaviors, it just created more.

Oh but the yelling....for whatever reason I got it in my head, that somehow yelling was better than laying a hand on a child, and while I still do believe that laying my hands on a person much smaller than me who I am supposed to be protecting is just wrong, why I felt it was ok to yell like a crazy woman is beyond me!

I guess I figured if I was yelling, then I wasn't hitting and I knew there was a fine line between spanking in discipline and being abusive and I didn't want to ever cross that line.

Tonight as I sat down here at the computer and yelled once again up to Trevor who was angry with me for taking his marker away, to be quiet before he wakes his sister, I realized this is out of control. I've got to stop!!! Yelling at the top of my lungs isn't helping diffuse any situations, it's not getting my point across any better, it does nothing other than make me look like a pathetic piece of crap who can't keep her cool.

I really must make a genuine effort to stop yelling at my children - to learn how to keep my cool when frazzled. How can I rightly get angry with my children for yelling at each other as well as us, when I am modeling the very behavior I don't want to see in them? The truth of the matter is, I can't! I've got to be the person I want them to be - yelling and flipping is no better than spanking my children when it comes right down to it.

So there you have it ....I am a yeller....but I hope that now that I see this problem within myself, I can do what it takes to change that, not just for my children, but for myself as well.

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