Thursday, March 25, 2010

Can't sleep.....

I can't sleep tonight....let me correct that....I can't sleep this morning. It is after-all 12:28am.

I miss Trevor.

I miss his giggles.

I miss his voice.

I miss his hugs and kisses.

I miss the smell of his shampoo/soap after he's had a bath.

I miss his silly antics.

I miss his smiling face walking in the door after school.

I miss his "goodnights".

I miss his crawling into bed with us early in the morning to be silly.

I miss watching him play with Victoria.

I miss holding his hand when we are out together.

I miss the way he'd get upset when I'd try to use my finger and some saliva to wipe off some "smutz" as I like to call it, off his face. (Yeah, I am one of those moms! LOL!)

I miss hearing him say, "I love you".

I miss seeing his shoes all over the place, ready to be tripped over at any moment.

I miss watching him dance around the living room to Lady Gaga. (yes, I am one of those moms....again)

I miss everything about him.

Hell, I miss his laundry.

Today made two weeks since he's been in the hospital. When you combine this with the two weeks he was gone last month, that's a whole month - and we're only just about 4 months into the year. A whole month he's been away from me. Prior to last month he hadn't so much as spent a night away from home. And now here he's been sleeping somewhere else for a month.

For a month, someone else has gotten to enjoy that amazing smile....those killer blue eyes....that charming delightful little boy.

My heart is hurting so much right now....I miss him to my very core.

I called tonight to talk to him, only to find out he was in another time-out and I had to call back later. So when I called back to talk to him, he barely said two words to me. He mumbled a bit and then asked if he could get off the phone. Victoria was crying because she wanted to talk to him, but he didn't want to talk to her tonight. So I said my "I love you's" and we hung up. I was devastated. He didn't want to talk to me.

We called back about an hour and half later, and he was in a better mood. He even asked to talk to Victoria this time, but she was already in bed asleep. He told me he had 3 time-outs for the day.

This is just the hardest thing ever....I want my baby home....I miss him so damn much......


1 comment:

  1. This is heartbreaking. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. Hugs.

    (And ps, we have dance parties to Lady Gaga all the time when M. isn't here. )