Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I've decided....

I've decided to reopen my blog - I've done some thinking about it the last few days. I closed it off because I was getting a lot of negativity from some "friends" and I didn't want them in my life, but then a few days ago I had this thought. If I open it back up and someone who is searching for Aspergers information, may stumble upon it and maybe, just maybe reading our story will help someone else out. Aspergers is an Autism Spectrum Disorder - it's called spectrum for a reason - not all kids will be the same - some will never experience what Trevor has and others will be far worse then even Trevor. It doesn't mean that any parent is doing a bad job. It doesn't mean just because your child hasn't experienced it, that it doesn't happen. I am just one mom out of millions, sharing our lives, sharing our story and maybe like I said, it will resonate with one person and help one person out, and if that is the case, then it will be so worthwhile.

I do want to clear the air on a few things that were said:

1. I do not love Trevor. This couldn't be farther from the truth. Anyone that truly knows me will know just how much I love Trevor. He was our long awaited gift from above. Yes, I struggle being the mom of a special needs child, but that doesn't mean I don't love him.
2. I am upset Trevor has a penis. Apparently, it was felt that I was bothered that Trevor is a boy. Again, couldn't be further from the truth. Yes, when I initially found out I was pregnant back in 2003, I had wanted a girl. I come from a big family with mostly girls and I knew girls. I was scared that I wouldn't know what to do with a boy - I mean, how would I clean his penis and all that stuff? LOL!! But by about 12 weeks, I just knew in my heart of  hearts that he was indeed a boy and I was at much peace with it. When I had my big ultrasound it was just a confirmation of what I already knew as his mama!
3. I am not a professional victim. I have not and will never be a professional victim. Just because I don't handle things the way some would like me to, doesn't make me a victim. We all handle things the way we know how.
4. I am negative all the time. I am most definitely not negative all the time. Even when I am feeling down, I still manage to put on a smile and try to appear happy if nothing else. I mistakenly thought that I could share my downs as well as the ups with my friends, but apparently the friends didn't want to hear/read my downs, only my ups. That isn't who I am. This blog and my FB are my place to vent - to get my frustrations out.
5. I didn't post pictures of Trevor. This is so grossly incorrect it's not even funny. I post just as many of Trevor as I do of Victoria. The difference between the two is that Vicky is at an age, where she lets me take more pictures of her. Trevor is at an age, where taking pictures isn't fun anymore. Some days I catch him on a good day and he'll get goofy and pose for me and let me take picture after picture. But other days, he refuses and I won't push the issue.
6. I use people. I do not use people. It's not as though I am out trying to collect money or something from people. I am befuddled how anyone could think that.

There was more but those were the ones that really stood out in my mind.

I love my kids to the moon and back. They are my whole world. I do everything in my power to provide for them, take care of them, get them (namely Trevor) the help that is needed. All anyone has to do is look at their pictures - you will see two incredibly happy, well taken care of and loved children. We may not have the best of everything, but the one thing we are not lacking is an abundance of love.



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