I am just going to come right out and say it, today has been hellish! I can't sugar coat it. I can't find humor in it. My heart hurts for Trevor and for our whole family. This is just who I am. This is how I handle things.
Trevor got home from school today and had his meeting with his support worker. Wait, let me back track for a moment ....the last two mornings, he's gotten up with an attitude and meltdowns from the time his feet hit the floor. I am not sure why the change suddenly when he had been doing better in the mornings, but something changed, and I am not liking it. It's been a battle to get him to shower and get dressed and out the door on time.
So back to today....his support worker left and things went downhill. Trevor may have AS but he's smart, cunning, charming...you get the idea. So when his worker is here, he for the most part does what she asks and is well behaved, save for the outbursts on Friday. The minute they leave and it's like the flip of a switch and he's back in meltdown mode.
I was supposed to have another meeting today @ 1pm for him/me. He wanted to go outside to play but I told him he couldn't because we were expecting someone and he had to be here for this meeting. Well he got angry to say the least. Time went on and the woman never showed - no call or anything. Karl got home late for his lunch and Trevor wanted to leave then to play outside and we told him no, due to his behavior he had lost the privilege. He freaked out - kicking, punching, spitting, yelling, grabbed a plate right out of Karl's hands and threw it across the room and it shattered. We sent him to his room where he proceeded to smash his toy vacuum. All the while Karl is cleaning up the broken glass and I've put Vicky in her booster seat at the table so she doesn't get into the broken glass. Trevor continues to thrash and scream - refusing to listen to anything we've said.
Karl left and now Vicky is crying because of what has transpired - she's stuck watching all of this and it's affecting her too. So while trying to calm her down, he makes a break for the door and in one jump is lucky enough to knock the chain lock loose and it opens and he's gone - no jacket, no hat, no gloves. I message Karl at work to come home because I can't get him inside while Vicky is in the midst of full on crying hysterically. I thought my head was going to explode right then and there. I am sorry, I know people don't like to hear me say this, but I can't handle this behavior - yes I know, that I have been but it's not been without a lot of stress and crying on my end. Karl came home and we finally get him in, and he continues the meltdown for another good 45 minutes till he finally calmed down enough to eat supper. Of course, in that 45 minutes, he bite me, scratched me, threw a wipes travel case in my face, kicked me, punched me in the front teeth. And then basically did the same thing to Karl.
I think what is really hard is, once he's calmed down he's all back to being loving and what not and it's like I am living on this roller coaster. Again, that flip of a switch. It's so draining!
I am going to be perfectly honest - I dread summer when he's not in school for part of the day - how will I keep him occupied - how will I keep him inside - what will I do with him? We are having a meeting tomorrow with all his support services and case manager and this is one of the questions I plan on asking. I can't keep my eyes on him 24/7 - I have another child who requires my time and attention as well. Trying to split my time between the two is proving to be extremely hard.
And I am scared - scared Karl is going to loose his job with as much time as he's had to take off or come home early to deal with Trevor. What will we do then? How will we survive?
I am beyond exhausted tonight - not just physically but mentally....I think tonight will be an early night.