Saturday, April 17, 2010

How do you explain....?

I've often wondered at what point would we need to explain to Victoria that Trevor has Aspergers Syndrome. I knew that there would come a time in the future when she was older, that she might question things or maybe it would just be obvious to her that something was different between them.

But this week there has been a couple incidents in which I've wondered how do you explain Aspergers Syndrome to a 2.5 yr old?

Trevor has never been overly affectionate - when he does want to be affectionate, it's on his terms. But he's not one for lots of cuddles and hugs and kisses. Earlier this week Victoria wanted to hug him and he freaked out - not a tantrum or anything like that, but raised his voice and moved away from her. He didn't want her touching him or hugging him.

Tonight it was the same thing - she went to hug him and he crawled away from her (they had been playing on the floor.) He got angry and pushed her away. She immediately went and hid in the corner bawling her eyes out. She just wanted to hug him. And no matter how we tried to explain it to him, he was having none of it. He ended up going up to his bedroom to play and came down again a short while later. She immediately ran over to him to hug and kiss him and he denied her again. And once again, she was heartbroke. I had to comfort her. But I was at a loss - how do you explain to a 2.5 yr old, that her brother doesn't like hugs and kisses? The very brother who she adores and thinks the sun and moon set on?

I am a very affectionate person - I am constantly hugging Victoria and giving her kisses and she takes after me in that sense. I suppose in a way I go overboard with her in that sense because I never had that with Trevor. Trevor never really was a cuddler.....he was never very affectionate. I can only think of a couple incidents where he'd let me snuggle with him - otherwise he was very independent and didn't want to be touched. Seems the older he gets, the more he makes his displeasure known. He is very sensitive to touch - what seems like just a regular old hug to me, will seem like it's suffocating him. It's such a fine line to find the balance in what is an acceptable amount of touching pressure. On the other hand, Vicky's always cuddled me - she has slept in my arms at times right from the beginning....she nursed till 16 months and was coming to bed with me every night....even now at 2.5 yr old, she'll wake up and come into our room during the night and we cuddle and go back to sleep.

She's just so little and while she's wicked smart, she doesn't understand why Trevor won't hug or kiss her. And I am at a loss at how best to explain it to her.


1 comment:

  1. That is definitely a tough one to explain. I would probably just say something like "I know you want to love one your brother, but he doesn't like hugs the way you do" or something to that effect. Jusden has never been a cuddler either. Even as an infant he would rather sleep in the middle of the floor than have me hold him. Now he's 9 and that hasn't changed a bit.