Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Been a while...

My blogging has fallen by the way side and I think it's time to revive it! I've struggled lately in terms of this blog - wondering if my mindless rambling really does any good?! I'd like to think I had something useful to say that might be of help to some other stressed out parent but I just don't know.

The last couple weeks I've just kinda fallen into a rut....I've got a bunch of neglected emails and a bunch of people I promised I'd email and haven't.....and of course, I've been lagging here....I have several knitting projects started that are just waiting for me to pick up and finish....last week I bought a dress pattern for Vicky and some fabric and that too sits on the table just waiting for me to work up the nerve to even try it....there are stacks of papers to be sorted and put away....laundry that has piled up....and I just feel blah....I struggle to get dressed...do my hair....put on some makeup....and try to make myself presentable.

Truth of the matter is, I've been off my meds. There I said it. It's out in the open. I just causally stopped my meds when Trevor was in the hospital. BIG mistake I know. But I felt good - the stress was greatly reduced and I felt better. But I know better. As someone who has dealt with depression/anxiety for many years, I know that stopping meds on a whim is not ok and yet I did it. And yet for several days now I've thought about taking them again but haven't. I hate taking medications. I watch Trevor take numerous medications....I watch Karl take numerous medications....and I just want to be free of that....I don't want to be bogged down by meds....I can't really explain it ....it was just a stupid move on my part.

I've got so much going on and yet I feel like an outsider looking in.....

I think it's time to start taking care of me.....


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