Monday, August 27, 2012

This is it!!

I've done it! I really did it! I made it the two weeks of liquids! There were a few days that were touch and go that I really wondered if I was mentally and physically strong enough, but I did it. I proved to myself that I have everything it takes to make this work. I am more than the next meal. I am more than what's on my plate. I am more than that cheeseburger. I am more than that Coke. Life doesn't need to revolve around food.

I am down 17.2lbs as of this morning -I am going to guess that by tomorrow when the surgery takes place I will have lost 18lbs. I've lost all together a total of 27 lbs. Well on my way to my goal!

Today I take care of some things around the house...and pack my bag...tomorrow I will get a chance to live my life all over again...only better...only healthier. Tomorrow is Karl's birthday and he gets a new wife! Lots of reasons to celebrate Karl's birthday from here on out!

I love my little family ... I couldn't have done this without them and their support and understanding.

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Saturday, August 25, 2012

The end is in sight!!

Today marks day 12.

12 days of a high protein liquid diet.

12 days of making meals for the rest of the family while I can't eat.

12 days of protein shakes/fat free yogurt/sugar free Popsicle/sugar free jello.

12 days of head games with myself.

12 days of stomach aches & hunger pangs.

12 days of headaches.

On the flip side, I've had...

12 days of consistent weight loss.

12 days of realizing with each passing day that I am stronger than all of the above.

12 days.

2 days to go.

I have just 2 more days to go.

Tuesday morning around 4:30am, we will head out for Bangor. I have to be at the hospital at 8:30am and surgery is scheduled for 10:30am.

2 more days till my life starts all over again.

Sure, maybe that sounds drastic but it's true. This surgery is the tool that will help me regain control of my life and be able to start living again.

I can't say that this has been easy. I just can't! That would be a lie. I've dealt with so many head games own head games. Every day there are little voices who try to derail you...who try to mess with you...who try to get you to fail before you've even started. But every day you have to stay strong and remember the bigger picture and keep the end in sight.

As of today, I've lost 15. 4 lbs.

2 days to go...2 more days to continue to prove to myself I am so much stronger than all of this!

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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Under a week to go....

Less than a week to go till the big surgery day and I think it's finally hitting me that this is really happening. This week I am spending time getting things done that I know I won't want to or be able to after the surgery. It's amazing what you can get done when you know that you are about to undergo major surgery! LOL

 I think I am over the hardest part of the the liquid protein diet - this weekend was the worst but now it seems to be ok and I am in my groove. I guess this is just showing me how strong I really am. If you had asked me a year ago if I could do two weeks of just liquids, I don't know as though I could have honestly said yes. But I am doing it!! I really am!

I've lost 12.2lbs since last Tuesday, August 14th. I would love to see myself down 20lbs by the time I get to the hospital next Tuesday morning.

I just can't wait ...I am a bundle of nervous excitement!

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Friday, August 17, 2012

Day 4...

Today is day 4 and if I am being perfectly honest, I've had a harder time today then I did the other days. I think part of it is just the boredom factor - I get tired eating the same things day in and day out and this is no exception. On the plus side, I am down a total of 8lbs since starting this on Tuesday. Go me!

I've discovered that cream of chicken soup may have it's place in recipes and be handy to have on hand, it does not make a good supper. I had to choke it down tonight. Bleck!

10 days to go...I think I can...I think I can!

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Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Day 2 is done!!!

Well it's 9pm and I think it's safe to say I've made it through my first two days of my liquid diet. I won't lie - it hasn't been easy. I have had a headache both days. Making meals for the family has been a bit tough. But it hasn't been the worst thing ever either. At least I do have some variety...unlike when you have one of those tests or something to do and you can only have water...blah!

I think I can! I think I can! :-)

On the plus side, I was down 1.6lbs this morning. You can't knock that!!!

I've discovered that I really like Chobani Greek Yogurt - I tried the Passion-fruit yesterday and that was really yummy! Tonight I was able to have a cup of sugar free Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate topped with a tablespoon of fat free Cool Whip. It was so yummy and definitely helped with those cravings.

The kids are getting more excited - tonight Trevor drew a picture of me after I loose weight...complete with purple hair. I guess he's been listening to me talk about wanting to do something really wild and crazy with my hair! LOL!

Onward and upward... :-)

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Monday, August 13, 2012

Resurrection & The Last Supper....this isn't what you think it is!

Let me just start by saying, if you came here looking for a religious post based on my title, you are going to be sorely disappointed. This has absolutely nothing to do with religion at all. Sorry 'bout that!

So what is the resurrection? Me resurrecting this blog from the black hole it's been in for several...ahem...more than several months now. There are just not enough hours in the day sometimes. Combine that with the fact that I get hyper-focused on one thing and then everything else goes to the back burner.

So here I am...back to bore you with all sorts of

So by now you are wondering what is the deal with the "Last Supper"?

Well here goes....two weeks from tomorrow I will be having Gastric Bypass Surgery. I've mentioned it briefly here and there on this blog, but I haven't really come out and said too much. To be absolutely honest, I haven't wanted to deal with all the naysayers, the gossipers, the know-it-alls, etc...I haven't wanted to listen to people telling me that this was the easy way out, or that I could die, or any other nonsense.

This is something I have been considering for 3 years now. This is not something I went into lightly. In January of this year, I was accepted into the Bariatric Weight Loss Program at Eastern Maine Medical Center. I then began the process to qualify for the surgery which included monthly appointments with my own physician, loosing some weight on my own, seeing a nutritionist, physical therapist, psychologist, going to numerous support group meetings and nutrition meetings. Since May we've made about 5 or 6 trips down to Bangor to attend these appointments/meetings.

Last week I received word that I had been approved for my surgery. Last Thursday I got the call telling me it was scheduled for Tuesday, August 28th. For two weeks before the surgery I have to be on a high protein liquid diet - consisting of protein shakes, sugar free jello, light yogurts, light soups, etc. This is to not only have more weight loss but also shrink the liver and other organs a bit that tend to be enlarged in the obese person.

So tomorrow is my two week mark - hence, tonight being my "last supper". Realistically, it's not my last supper...I'll have food again...but just not for quite some time.

I've made a lot of little changes along the way in preparation of the surgery - giving up soda, cutting back on my coffee (caffeine), switching to skim milk in my coffee instead of half/half, drinking skim instead of 2% milk, taking 30 minutes to slowly chew my foods and eat my meals, not drinking with my meals, etc.

I am sure some are reading this wondering why I didn't get off my fat ass and just work hard? Oh how I wish it was that simple. Really. I do. I have struggled since junior high with my weight. It's been an ongoing up-down yo-yo of high's and low's. Over this past year with the knee surgery and hysterectomy, it's been a hellish battle and despite trying very hard, I haven't been very least not enough to put me in a healthy weight range and give me back my life. The fact of the matter, this surgery is a tool. A tool that I must use properly in order to loose weight, get healthy and lead the life I've been dying to have again. But as with any diet tool, if used improperly you will fail.

I do not expect to come out of this a size 4 with a toned body. I am simply looking to be active again - to be able to work my knee again and strengthen it - to be the mom running around with the kids instead of the mom huffing and puffing on the sidelines - to be able to sleep without the cpap machine - to learn to finally swim - to ride a bike again - to run - to go on hikes - to ride the fair rides - to go horseback riding - oh the list goes on and on. I am doing this for me. I am doing this for my family. I am doing this so that in 40 yrs from now I am still alive and able to watch my grandchildren run around.

I am in the homestretch now...doesn't seem possible but in just two short weeks I will be headed down to Bangor to have my surgery. It is Karl's birthday that day - I joke that from now on, we'll have two reasons to celebrate that day! :-) He's been such a support and trooper through this whole process and I thank him for that.

My kids have also been great dealing with babysitters while we go away for this day trips down to Bangor. I know it's a lot of change for them as well...esp. Trev. With his special needs, he struggles with changes and so this has been hard for him to accept - he's afraid I won't look the same. I've explained to him that I will still be me, just a bit smaller. Vicky is so excited - she asked me if we would be twins now! HA!

So that is what is going on in my life...along with a myriad of other things. I ask if you read this and are bothered by what I am doing, to please keep it to yourself. I am looking for support during this time, not negativity. I just ask that you respect my decision, while it might not be one you would make, understand it's the best one for *me*. Thanks!

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