Motherhood...Not for the Faint of Heart

Project 365

2012-01-18T17:05:00.000-08:00

Project 365: Day 17 & 18

Engagement Photo Shoot

2012-01-17T20:42:00.000-08:00

Ever since having Trevor, the photography bug has really taken hold of me. At first I content just photographing the kids but lately, I really want to venture out more. I suppose though, I am what has been dubbed, a "momtographer". Apparently, us moms with cameras are really starting to irritate the professionals who feel we are taking away from their business. Here is the thing - we all have to start somewhere. Even the pros were once just a person with a camera. But I guess they have forgotten that. It's a very intimidating business because photography is very subjective. I've seen some of the so-called best of the business and I've not been impressed at all, and I've seen amateurs who knock my socks off.

I find myself torn between wanting to do it like the pros so to speak, and wanting to just follow my own heart and photograph the way *I*want and say the hell with all the "rules".

Back in October I had the privilege to photograph an engagement session for a friend of the family - we had a lot of fun. One of the best parts is that the bride-to-be was open to whatever I had in mind for posing and for processing the photos when I was done. I am really thrilled with how they came out!

Here are some peaks of the session:

Project 365: Day 16

2012-01-16T19:14:00.000-08:00

Project 365: Day 16

Back in December I won a new Nescafe Dolce Gusto coffee machine from Nescafe! It arrived today!! Woot!

Project 365

2012-01-15T17:34:00.000-08:00

Project 365: Day 14

Look at those blue eyes!

Project 365: Day 15

She was so proud of herself for getting ready for bed! She looks like a little hobo! LOL!

Project 365

2012-01-13T19:01:00.000-08:00

Project 365: Days 11, 12, and 13

I have had all my photos ready and just forgot to post them, so here we go!

So we've been trying new wines lately and I decided to take a picture of this Port I had purchased, when all of a sudden Karl jumped into the picture just as I was snapping! LOL!

So yesterday I was surprised by UPS with a package. I wasn't expecting anything, so I had no idea what it was. Imagine my surprise when I opened it up to find out I had won this cute little charm last month from a contest on Facebook!

And for today - we let the kids stay up tonight, so here is Vicky in my bed waiting for me to join her so we can watch some Nickelodeon!!

Project 365: Day 10

2012-01-10T19:38:00.000-08:00

Project 365: Day 10

I helped mom pick out this Mrs.Fields cookie "oven" for Vicky for Christmas. I didn't pay attention closely otherwise I would have seen this ins't an oven indeed - it's just a storage unit. You actually make the cookies in the microwave. And for the record, said cookies taste like crap! LOL!

Project 365: Day

2012-01-08T17:53:00.000-08:00

Project 365: Day 8

Someone got a hair cut today - just enough to trim off the dead ends. She's decided she wants to grow it out now...which makes daddy very happy!

Project 365: Day 7

2012-01-07T20:18:00.000-08:00

Project 365: Day 7

Project 365: Day 6

2012-01-06T16:42:00.000-08:00

Project 365: Day 6

My cpap machine finally came today! I am in hopes this will be the answer to my health issues.

Project 365: Day 5

2012-01-05T16:10:00.000-08:00

Project 365: Day 5

Project 365: Day 4

2012-01-04T17:32:00.000-08:00

Project 365: Day 4

Here is my new project for this year! Really looking forward to this!

Here we go again...deja vu anyone?

2012-01-03T17:17:00.000-08:00

It was last January 1st that I posted about my journey on loosing weight. I was very gung-ho and ready to go. And I did well initially - in no time at all I was down 16lbs and was starting to feel better. And then in March, Trev had to be hospitalized again and things went to hell. I let the stress become a crutch and excuse and slowly one little treat turned into treats all day long. And I never found the willpower to jump back on the wagon.

So here we are again...another January...and I am still fat! There is no sugar-coating it. I am just fat!

Not only did Trev have to be hospitalized again but then I had two surgeries and lots of sitting around and guess who has packed on even more weight? Yep, me! So now I weigh more than I did to start last year. Do you have nay idea how incredibly depressing that is? I weigh 20 more pounds now then last January. That is just pure disgusting! I am ashamed of myself and sad.

And so now, I am back to square one - it's a new day - another chance to make the change that is very much needed.

I am limiting the amount of caffeine to just one cup per day.
I am giving up soda completely.
I am drinking 96oz of water per day.
I am cutting out the bad carbs - the white breads/pastas/rice, etc.
I am eating more veggies and fruits.

But the most important thing I think is that I am just going to take it one day at a time.

P365 - Day 3

2012-01-03T06:55:00.000-08:00

P365 - Day 3:

Hello Kitty!

P365 - Day 2

2012-01-02T16:28:00.000-08:00

Day 2:

Happy New Year 2010 - P365

2012-01-01T18:00:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!!! Another year has come and gone - hard to believe it! I have big hopes that 2012 is going to be a great year for the Casey family!

So, with the start of the new year, I've decided to once again attempt Project 365 - a photo a day for a year.

Day 1:

Time flies ....

2011-12-13T13:46:00.000-08:00

Once again, I've fallen behind on my blogging. I miss doing the 30 Days of Lists because it kept me honest and blogging daily! LOL

There has been a lot going on lately ...you know the usual - Dr.'s appointments, errands, holidays, birthdays, etc. It's been like a whirlwind lately around here. And I imagine with Christmas literally just around the corner, it will continue to be busy till the first of the year.

I hope all of you are doing well ...I promise to get busy blogging again very soon! :-)

Laugh, Curse, & Cry Tears of Joy

2011-10-25T12:14:00.000-07:00

I appreciate the guest post, Jamie Guy

Every Sunday a group of us get together to watch NFL Sunday ticket from Tv By Direct. We take turns on who hosts the party every week. The host is responsible for buying beer that week, providing snacks, and taking bets the night before. I have to admit that I am not an avid football fan, but my husband is. I love getting together with his friends and their wives every Sunday of football season. It usually turns into the guys hooting and cheering (hopefully not cursing) at the television. The wives sit in the living room or kitchen and swap stories. We do a magazine swap where we bring a gossip magazine to trade. We also spend a lot of time giggling and shaking our heads at our husbands. Sometimes they really act like children and get way too involved the game. We have seen them laugh, curse, and cry tears of joy in one sitting on football Sunday. It is certainly a lot of entertainment packed into four or five short hours!

I'll take those Schweddy Balls, thank you very much!

2011-09-30T17:21:00.000-07:00

Recently, Ben & Jerry's released a new ice cream flavor - Schweddy Balls. In case you aren't versed in "Sweddy Balls", it is taken from a skit on Saturday Night Live.

Saturday Night Live - NPR's Delicious Dish - Schweddy Balls - Video - http://www.nbc.com

And as with most things these days, it's caused an uproar among some parents. Apparently, some parents find
"Schweddy Balls" offensive.

And to that I say, "Are you serious?" And trust me when I say that was the most polite I could be about this - I try not to curse on here if I can help it, so I am sitting on my hands instead of saying what I really think!

There are so many issues that one could stand behind - education, politics, financial state of our country, bullying, etc, and yet the best we can do is go after Ben & Jerry's for making an ice cream called "Schweddy Balls"?

I heard on tv the other day that some parents were up in arms over how they were going to explain it to their kids. Why for the love of God must some people make things more difficult then they need to be?

Let's play this out for a moment....

Child: Mom, what's Schweddy Balls?

Mom: It's an ice cream flavor named after a comedy skit on television

See, if a kid has never heard of Schweddy Balls then they aren't going to put 2 + 2 = men's scrotum.

I might be 35yrs old, but it wasn't that long ago that I was a child and so I like to think I can speak with some sense of experience. When you, as the parent, make something taboo, it suddenly becomes most interesting to kids. When you take something that kids wouldn't even think twice about and start shouting from the roof tops how bad it is and imploring people to boycott it and write the company to discuss it with, kids ears perk up, they take notice, they start talking and before you know it, they are figuring out ways to sneak and get it.

I remember in November of 1984, when Madonna's song, "Like a Virgin" came out. I wasn't allowed to listen to much radio, but had heard it somehow. I didn't know that the word "virgin" was so taboo - hell, I didn't even know what it meant. To my 8 yr old self, it was just.a.word. So there I am singing it one day and one of my older sisters freaks out and tells me never to say that word again. There was no explanation of why not to say it, or anything. And let me just say as a mother myself now, I do not understand why "virgin" is so taboo. I mean, yeah, I don't really want the kids to go around using the word like they do the word "cool" but it's not a dirty word by any means.

So anyways, the word "virgin" suddenly became appealing and when no one was around, I sang my little 8 yr old heart out..."Like a virgin...."

It's this type of knee-jerk reaction by adults that make things so appealing to kids.

Here's the deal - if you don't like that Ben & Jerry's makes an ice cream called, "Schweddy Balls", then don't freakin' buy it. Simple as that. But do not tell me that I shouldn't buy it. And don't ask me to join you in boycotting it.

Nothing irritates me more than when other people try to determine what values and morals the whole world should have. As a grown woman, I am quite capable to determining morals and values on my own.

I really think that for some, it's easier to try to get rid of something that bothers them, instead of actually parenting their kids. Hey, instead of talking to your kids and using these things are a teaching tool, let's boycott it and demand they take it off the market. Step up to the damn plate - instead of trying to make things go away, do your damn job and parent your children!!!

So I say, bring on the "Schweddy Balls"...and if anyone from my local supermarket is reading, can you please get some in? I keep looking for it! LOL!

30 Days of Lists: Day 30

2011-09-30T16:38:00.000-07:00

30 Days of Lists: Day 30: I'm Proud of Myself For:

So today is it - the last day - day 30.

I admit, I am more than a little sad to see it end.

It sounds crazy, but coming up with my own lists and doing this wouldn't have been half as fun. One of the things that I loved about it, was finding out each day what the list for that day was. I enjoyed how it inspired me to think about different things - some that I dream of regularly and some that I had never really stopped to think about before. This has really been such a fantastic experience for me.

Now to figure out what my next project will be!

And on that note...

1.That I completed the 30 Days of Lists

2. Being the mom of a special needs child. It isn't easy by any means. There are many ups - and sadly, many downs...days where I just want to pull my hair out and cry my eyes out...but I keep on going...because I love him to bits and this is what I was meant to do.

3. Trying new things - might not always be successful at it, but I can at least say I tried.

30 Days of Lists: Day 29

2011-09-29T18:59:00.000-07:00

30 Days of Lists: Day 29: Things That were Awesome About This Month

This is the second to the last day of 30 Days of Lists - I can't believe a month has flown by just like that. I've really enjoyed this. I don't know if this is a yearly thing or what (I really need to look into this), because I'd love to do this again! So much fun!

And now to the list:

1. Doing 30 Days of Lists

2. Kids returned back to school, which means some sense of normalcy has resumed.

3.Cooler temps have returned.

4. Vicky's surgery is scheduled.

5. I've been contacted to have Trevor appear on the Autism Speaks website.

6. Got to get out to the movies

7. Scheduled my first non-family photo shoot.

30 Days of Lists: Day 28

2011-09-28T04:25:00.000-07:00

30 Days of Lists: Day 28: If I Ruled The World

1. No child would ever go hungry and without the best medical care

2. War would be a thing of the past - something read in history books.

3. No person in the USA would ever go without proper medical care.

4. Bullying would be something that no child would ever have to experience.

5. Everyone would understand Autism - there wouldn't be any more ignorance about ASD's.

6. The word "retard/retarded" would be eradicated from the English language.

7. Politicians would have to be honest and held accountable when they aren't honest.

For my fellow digital scrappers!!!

2011-09-28T04:12:00.000-07:00

‎Lcc Amy-Stoffel is closing her shop at

Scrap Matters.

HURRY!! 60% off EVERYTHING!!

http://shop.scrapmatters.com/amy-stoffel/

30 Days of Lists: Day 27

2011-09-27T04:20:00.000-07:00

30 Days of Lists: Day 27: Words & Phrases I Overuse

1. Whatever!

2. Suck it up, Buttercup!

3. Back off, Gert!

4. NO!

5. And then several others that aren't exactly words you'd use in public. *Blush* :-)

30 Days of Lists: Day 26

2011-09-26T04:00:00.000-07:00

30 Days of Lists: Day 26: Things To Do Before My Next Birthday

I have 152 days before I turn ....gasp....36! I don't know how this keeps happening...every year I keep getting older and older. LOL!

I think a lot can be accomplished in 152 days, so here we go:

1. Loose 25lbs

2. Return to college

3. Grow out my hair - ok, this one I've been working on since July of this year, but I want to continue and not give up like I've wanted to several times.

4. Get a "new' vehicle

30 Days of Lists: Day 25

2011-09-25T15:52:00.000-07:00

30 Days of Lists: Day 25: Today's To-Do List:

1. Lay around and do nothing! (Done, done and done lol)

2. Contemplate doing housework (I thought about it and decided not to do it lol)

3. Make supper (Done)

4. Go to grocery store and pick up more Talenti Gelato (Done, done and so done...about to enjoy it!)

5. Check out Pinterest (Done)

Yep, today has been a pretty lazy day! :-)

30 Days of Lists: Day 24

2011-09-24T04:50:00.000-07:00

30 Days of Lists: Day 24: Things I like to do when I'm sick:

1. Sleep, sleep, sleep

2. Read

3. Knit

4. Curl up with a big blanket and watch mind-numbing tv

5. Totally veg and do nothing

But let's face it, as mom's, do we really ever get to be sick? LOL

30 Days of Lists: Day 23

2011-09-23T04:27:00.000-07:00

30 Days of Lists: Day 23: If I Won The Lottery

Who hasn't daydreamed about this at least once in their adult life? I know it's an ongoing daydream of mine! Ha! Sometimes I go to sleep at night planning it out in my head. The only problem is, I don't play the lottery, so it's really all kind of moot, but it's still fun to dream!

Here goes:

1. Two new vehicles

2. Buy our first house - which I do have some requirements - a) big kitchen, b) 4 bedrooms c) playroom d) finished basement d) big master bath with Jacuzzi tub e) two car garage f) library/office space g) studio space

3. Pay off any bills/debts

4. College funds for the kids

5. Take a European vacation - Ireland, Scotland, Switzerland, Italy, Sweden, Germany, etc.

6. Donate to charities that are close to our hearts

7. Give some to our folks/family

8. Retirement Fund

9. Start my own business

30 Days of Lists: Day 22

2011-09-22T04:25:00.000-07:00

30 Days of Lists: Day 22: Ways To Avoid Housework

1. PINTEREST

seriously, this has become the biggest "time-suck" of my life! LOL! I absolutely love it - so many creative and wonderfully yummy things on Pinterest!

2. Facebook

I've tried to cut back lately...and with my new Pinterest obsession, it's been easy to cut back on Facebook! LOL!

3. Napping...

When the kids are in school, it's much more appealing to nap then wash the kitchen floor! LOL!

4. Digi Scrapbooking

I'd much rather be creative then clean! LOL!

5. Knitting

It's so incredibly relaxing and much more fun than cleaning, and sometimes it's so relaxing it turns into #3 - a nap! LOL!

Picture-A-Day

2011-09-21T15:51:00.000-07:00

Picture-A-Day: Day 18

So, I go into Vicky's room this morning and find this drawing on the wall beside her bed. We made it almost 4 yrs without her writing on walls, so I guess that is a plus.

So this is a self-portrait ...she was so proud of herself because she included her "angel kiss" aka mole - which if you look it's the darker blue scribble that is outlined.

This kid makes me smile!

30 Days of Lists: Day 21

2011-09-21T07:13:00.000-07:00

30 Days of Lists: Day 21: TV shows I'd like to see come back

1. Torchwood

I can't for the life of me think of any shows that I really, really, want brought back other than this one. There are a lot of shows that I have loved over the years, and when they ended I was sad and would have said without a doubt that I'd want it to return. But years later, my tastes have changed and I just am no longer interested in watching them all over again.

However, these days my favorite shows are:

1. Hells Kitchen

2. Biggest Loser

3. Law & Order SVU

4. Kitchen Nightmares

5. Masterchef

6. Pioneer Woman on Food Network

7. Days of Our Lives

8. Big Sexy

9. Say Yes to the Dress & 4 Weddings

10. Family Guy & American Dad

30 Days of Lists: Day 20

2011-09-20T05:46:00.000-07:00

30 Days of Lists: Day 20: My Dream Space Would Include:

1. Lots of windows with tons of natural light

2. White walls with white wainscoting

3. Lots of pops of color in pillows/curtains/big over-sized chairs

4. Funky lights

5. Big old/vintage-looking desk

6. Funky fabric wall art

Thought provoking!

2011-09-19T10:57:00.000-07:00

I saw this today on Pinterest:

Talk about thought provoking!

I don't think I could just give one answer...it's definitely something I will be pondering today....

My answer to come...

30 Days of Lists: Day 19

2011-09-19T05:26:00.000-07:00

30 Days of Lists: Day 19: Inventions I wish were real!

1. A washer/dryer that could notify you by email or text message when your laundry is done because there is nothing worse then being on the second floor and running all the way down to the basement only to find out the laundry isn't done and then going back upstairs and having it finish the minute your feet hit the final step! UGH!

2. A dishwasher...oh wait, that is real...I just don't have one! LOL!

3. A robot that could get up with the kids so I could sleep in once in a while.

4. A time machine, so I could go back in time and meet my grandparents.

5. Something that could suck the fat off and tone me up while I scrapbooked or read! LOL!

6. A machine that could tell the future.

30 Days of Lists: Day 18

2011-09-18T17:04:00.000-07:00

30 Days of Lists: Day 18: A Few of My Favorite Things

I must admit that I suddenly have the tune from "The Sound of Music" running rampant through my head...

"Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes

Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes

Silver white winters that melt into Springs

These are a few of my favorite things"

I could go on and on with that song...makes me want to watch it. Karl isn't into musicals and would never sit through watching that, but maybe some night I'll watch it myself.

But back to the list at hand - a few of my favorite things...

1. My kids

2. The smell of autumn

3. Coffee

4. Babies

5. Books - old or new - paper or digital

6. Being creative

7. Getting compliments about my kids

8. A good piece of chocolate

9. Sleeping in

10. Snuggling with Karl to watch tv

11. Digital Scrapbooking

12. Pens and pencils and paper - I love new notebooks and nice pens and the feel of pen to papter

13. Clean house

14. Photography

I know there are more...so much to think about!

30 Days of Lists: Day 17

2011-09-18T16:54:00.000-07:00

30 Days of Lists: Day 17: Fictional Characters I Have Fallen in Love With

This seems like it's going to be a fun list!

1. Mike Seaver

2. Charles (Charles in Charge)

3. Tom Hanson

4. Bo & Luke Duke

5. Will Smith

Those of course were my crushes from when I was a kid/teen.

1. Elliot Stabler

2. Edward Cullen

3. Dr. Gregory House

4. Captain Jack Harkness

There are probably more but these came to mind immediately!

If you know what shows these are from, I'd love to know. :-)

Picture-A-Day

2011-09-18T16:34:00.000-07:00

Picture-A-Day: 16 & 17

Yesterday we took a ride and ended up at the former Loring Air Force Base, (Limestone, Maine). It is such a sad thing to me - seeing this huge air base sitting basically unused. The government closed the air base in 1994. Unfortunately, the effect it had on those of us living in Aroostook County, was a rather large one. It definitely affected the economy of Aroostook. I never got to go on the base while it was still an active air base, but I've looked at lots of pictures online, heard the stories my dad has told and can imagine in my mind's eye what it must have been like back then. So, as I said, seeing it sit unused it just a sad thing to me. Sure, some civilian businesses have moved in and some other gov't agencies (like DFAS), it's just not the same. It's a major part of our local history.

I didn't get a chance to post this yesterday or take a new picture for today, so I am going to post several to make up for that!

Tower

One of the hangers.

It is my understanding that this was a gym/rec center.

Close-up of the tower.

This is a United States Army Kwajalein Atoll plane - not sure what the story is with this plane but I am trying to find out from local news sources.

Former chapel

Former heating plant that they had tried to implode, only it didn't happen. So now they are tearing it down.

30 Days of Lists: Day 16

2011-09-16T18:21:00.000-07:00

30 Days of Lists: Day 16: Dream Jobs

1. Mom - Thankfully, I was able to have this dream come true. It's truly the most fulfilling and hardest job I've ever done.

2. Photographer

3. Restaurateur

4. Psychologist

5. Writer

Picture-A-Day

2011-09-16T17:42:00.000-07:00

Picture-A-Day: Day 15

Tonight was pizza night - it's kind of become a tradition to have homemade pizza on Friday nights.

This pizza is made with a beer pizza dough, crumbled sausage, crumbled hamburger, pepperoni, bacon, green peppers, onions, mushrooms and cheese. It was so incredibly yummy! Nom! Nom! Nom!

30 Days of Lists: Day 15

2011-09-15T16:40:00.000-07:00

30 Days of Lists: Day 15: Things That Motivate Me

1. My special needs son

2. my kids

3. My husband

4. Reading

5. Music

6.Writing

7. Inspirational Quotes

8. Other special needs moms/bloggers

Picture-A-Day

2011-09-15T16:27:00.000-07:00

Picture-A-Day: Day 14

Victoria will be four at the end of November and of course, she's my little princess, so when I saw this tiara at Claire's today on clearance for 75% off, I grabbed it! It will make for some fabulous birthday pictures! And definitely worth it for $3.00

Picture-A-Day

2011-09-14T16:42:00.000-07:00

Picture-A-Day: Day 13

Someone got a haircut...she looks sad in this picture, but I assure you she was happy, I just happen to catch her not smiling. She actually wanted more cut off! LOL!

30 Days of Lists: Day 14

2011-09-14T09:51:00.000-07:00

30 Days of Lists: Day 14: My Favorite Outfits

I don't have many favorite pieces of clothing. I've gotten to a point in my weight, that I buy whatever I can that fits and can hide some of my weight. Clothes shopping is a chore these days. I have visions of what I'd wear if I could get these pounds off, but they'll have to stay in my dreams until the time comes.

So for now, my favorite outfits:

1. Old t-shirt, lounge/yoga pants, flip flops

2. Jeans/t-shirt/flip flops

3. PJ's

4. Big, old, worn sweatshirt/jeans

I detest socks...unfortunately living in northern Maine doesn't bode well for wearing flip flops year round. I'll wear them inside the house, but eventually here I'll have to cave and put those darned socks on.

Review: Ziploc Sippy Cups

2011-09-13T17:10:00.000-07:00

A couple months ago I purchased some Ziploc brand sippy cups. I know Vicky is almost 4, but both kids like to take water to bed in case they get thirsty, and so it makes it easier to have sippy cups for that. Not to mention, depending on what she is drinking, I prefer a sippy cup. Ever seen a toddler drink grape juice from a regular cup? Yeah, me either and I don't want to! LOL!

So I bought these cups - a four pack. I've always trusted the Ziploc brand and so I never gave it a second thought when I purchased the cups. But they are horrible. I finally threw them away today after Vicky had fruit juice spill out all over her outfit...again! Grrr!

No matter how tight you turn the lid, the cups leak...not just a drip here and a drip there...but drip, drip, drop, drop, dropdropdropdrop, DROP, spill, spill, SPILLING! I've got to say I am really disappointed with them - total waste of money. I actually wrote to Ziploc tonight to inform them of what I thought and our experience with them. I'll be interested to see what they have to say about it.

So if you see them in your store, just keep on walking by...they aren't worth the plastic they are made with!!

Picture-A-Day

2011-09-13T16:59:00.000-07:00

Picture-A-Day: Day 12

Someone didn't want to go to bed!

Picture-A-Day

2011-09-13T16:54:00.000-07:00

Picture-A-Day: Day 11

Again, I am a day late in posting this, but better late then never!

30 Days of Lists: Day 13

2011-09-13T16:45:00.000-07:00

30 Days of Lists: Day 13: Things I do to procrastinate

Who doesn't procrastinate now and then? I know I do my fair share of procrastinating...the laundry will be "calling" my name, dishes are sitting in the sink, the floors need to be vacuumed, but there is always some way I can kill some time before I do what I really need to! LOL!

Here we go:

1. Putz on Facebook
2. One word - PINTEREST
3. Spongebob
4. Checking emails
5. Napping

30 Days of Lists: Day 12

2011-09-12T07:16:00.000-07:00

Today's list is all about things I never have done. Should be interesting! LOL!

30 Days of Lists: Day 12: Never Have I Ever:

1. Gone swimming
2. Finished college
3. Watched the movie, "ET"
4. Gotten a pedicure
5. Owned a home (hope to someday)
6. Gone to a rock concert
7. Lived on my own
8. Gone camping
9. Been successful at loosing weight and keeping it off
10. Learned to drive stick shift

September 11 - Where were you?

2011-09-11T17:58:00.000-07:00

September 11, 2001

I had gotten up early to go to the Dr.'s for some blood work. The Dr. was literally around the corner from our house, so I was back in no time at all. Karl and I were sitting on the bed watching the "Today" show. Suddenly they cut in to say a plane had hit one of the Twin Towers. I looked at Karl and said there shouldn't be any planes in that airspace - having grown up in NY, I knew something was wrong. We continued to watch in horror as the events of the morning unfolded. I remember turning to Karl at one point and said that I was surprised that they hadn't hit Washington D.C. and within a matter of minutes, the news showed the Pentagon had been hit. I got this eerry feeling all over me. I was glued to the television that whole day...watching in disbelief...heartbroken for what I was seeing...scared for what it meant for our country...what would become of our country...

Those days after were ones that continued to be filled with disbelief, sorrow, and shock as details emerged...images on television and the newspapers....images that would forever be ingrained in ones mind and heart.

It's been 10 years and there has been much change in our country...but I believe it can only get better.

Frankly, I have to believe it will get better!

30 Days of Lists: Day 11

2011-09-11T17:10:00.000-07:00

Today's list is another favorite for me...gosh, so many fabulous prompts in this challenge! I am so loving it!

30 Days of Lists: Day 11: Favorite Things About This Time of Year

1. Pumpkin Coffee
2. Pumpkin Bread
3. Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cake
4. Pumpkin Candles
5. Soups, Stews, Roasts
6. Comfy, worn-out sweatshirts
7. Hot Chocolate
8. Apple Pie
9. Apple Picking
10. Fall Decorations
11. Changing colors of the leaves
12. Cool breeze
13. School in session
14. Fall sweeps on TV
15. Boots

30 Days of Lists: Day 10

2011-09-11T17:00:00.000-07:00

As I was saying earlier, last night I went to bed without blogging - I wasn't feeling well. I had good intentions but it wasn't till after the computer was shut down and lights were off, that I realized I hadn't done my 30 days of lists...so here I am doing it tonight...oops!

30 Days of Lists: Day 10: At This Moment

At this moment....

I am watching Sandmasters with Karl, while I blog away.
Thinking about all the things I still need to do tonight - putting laundry in dryer and ironing Karl's work shirt.
Wishing that I had a few more hours in the day - so many things I want to do but too tired to do it now.
Wishing I had a piece of chocolate.

Picture-A-Day

2011-09-11T16:51:00.000-07:00

Picture-A-Day: Day 10

Picture-A-Day

2011-09-11T16:40:00.000-07:00

Picture-A-Day: Day 9

Last night I wasn't feeling so well, so I didn't get any of my blogging done. So here is the picture for yesterday...no explanation really needed...after all these years trying to avoid it, I finally got sucked into Harry Potter! ACK! LOL!

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30 Days of Lists: Day 9

2011-09-09T18:24:00.000-07:00

Today's list is: Weekend Plans - I suppose I could talk about what I'd like to do on the weekend, but I'm going to go with the reality of my weekend!

30 Days of Lists: Day 9: Weekend Plans

1. Pick up prescriptions
2. Finish up housework/laundry
3. Wash dishes
4. Pick up a few groceries
5. Take pictures for my photo-a-day project
6. Play with the kids
7. Waste time on Facebook
8. Nap
9. Prepare meals

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Picture-A-Day

2011-09-09T17:57:00.000-07:00

Picture-A-Day: Day 8

Today's picture is a glimpse into my chores today.

Laundry!

Oh how I hate doing the laundry. I actually posted today on Facebook that I wish I had my own personal Laundromat in the basement, so that I could get it all done at once. This picture is just a fraction of the laundry I did today. And as you can see I have a couple "helpers" in the picture:

1. Diet Mountain Dew - for caffeine purposes

2. Nook - gots to have some music to keep one going!

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30 Days of Lists: Day 8

2011-09-08T16:42:00.000-07:00

30 Days of Lists: Day 8

This is such a fun list - brings back lots of memories!

Things That Remind Me Of My Childhood:

1. Barbie, Jem, Josie & The Pussycats, She-Rah, He-Man, Scooby-Doo, Smurfs, Snorks, The Jetsons, Tom & Jerry, The Flintstones, Strawberry Shortcake, Inspector Gadget, Electric Company, Paula & Carol - Magic Garden, Growing Pains, Cosby Show, The Jeffersons, Three's Company, Little House on the Prairie, The Waltons, The Brady Bunch, Mr. Ed, Lassie, CHIPS, Father Knows Best, I Dream of Jeanie, Bewitched, Blossom, Facts of Life, Rainbow Brite

(I am sure there are so many more that are just escaping me at the moment and of course, some of these were reruns because they had come out before I was born.)

2. Old metal lunchboxes with matching thermos

3. New Kids on the Block, Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, MC Hammer, Menudo

4. Spirograph

5. Atari

6. 8 Tracks/LP's/ Cassette Tapes

7. Big Boom Boxes

8. Parachute Pants

9. Leg Warmers

10. Mismatched Socks

11. Big Hair & Aqua net Hairspray

12. Members Only Jackets

13. Jelly shoes

14. Neon clothes and accessories

15. Rubber Bracelets and Friendship Bracelets

16. Rollerskating/Roller Rinks

17. School Uniforms

18. New York City

19. Pinning the bottoms of your jeans

20. Ronald Reagan

21. Jamaican Beef Patties

22. Banana Seat Bicycle

23. Cabbage Patch Kids

24. Garbage Pail Kids

25. Pac-Man

26. Summer Trips

27. "Woody" Station Wagon

28 . "Annie" on Broadway

29. Keds

30. Coney Island

Truth be told, I could go on and on....so many fabulous memories and I have really enjoyed taking this trip down memory lane!

Picture-A-Day

2011-09-08T15:47:00.000-07:00

Picture-A-Day: Day 7

Today I thought I'd share a picture from my little "city"! Thought it would be nice to give readers a peak into our world here in Northern Maine!

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Picture-A-Day

2011-09-07T12:30:00.000-07:00

Picture-A-Day: Day 6

This needs no explaining! LOL!

30 Days of Lists: Day 7

2011-09-07T10:58:00.000-07:00

Today's list is all about things I am not good at. This should be very interesting...lol!

So here we go:

30 Days of Lists: Day 7 : I'm Not Very Good At:

1. Willpower to eat/exercise like I should.
2. Saying "no"
3. Putting myself first...ever!
4. Budgeting time and money
5. Having patience
6. Tolerating the kids messes
7. Asking for help

Picture-A-Day

2011-09-06T19:48:00.000-07:00

Picture-A-Day: Day 5

Today's picture isn't a new one ...both my camera's were dead today, so no new pictures. But batteries have been recharged and tomorrow will be a brand, spankin' new picture!

So in light of my post below this talking about "Toddlers & Tiara's" and focusing on all natural beauty, I decided to use a picture of Vicky today - her 3rd birthday - no makeup, no hair pieces, no fake teeth, no spray tan....just all natural beauty!

I just adore her! Hard to believe she's almost 4...

Toddlers & Tiaras

2011-09-06T18:35:00.000-07:00

I just happened to see a commercial for the TLC show, "Toddler & Tiaras". I admit, I have watched it a few times when nothing else interested me. First, let me clear the air by saying that I have nothing against pageants ...under certain circumstances. My senior year of high school I participated in a scholarship pageant. Admittedly, I did it on a lark - I knew I'd never win - big girls just don't win those things - esp big girls who aren't the popular girl in school. But, I wanted the scholarship, so I went for it anyways.

So that said, when I see "Toddlers & Tiara's" I am livid. I don't get it! Really, I just can't wrap my mind around it.

When I have watched, what I have seen is a group of mothers (and some fathers) in a crappy conference room in some hotel in the middle of nowhere, with some no name judges, deciding which over-sexualized toddler is cutest. What happened to natural beauty?

I see little girls getting fake hair pieces...fake teeth ("flippers")...more make-up than Tammy Faye Baker....spray-on tans...facial waxing....the simple, honest truth is, these little girls look more like live "Bratz"
dolls then real children.

When I see parents holding down toddlers to paint their eyelashes with mascara while the child flails and screams, it makes my blood boil.

I know I said it before, but I am going to say it again, I just can't wrap my mind around it.

Here's my own observation...I see a lot of mom's who seem to be living vicariously through their child and are pushing their child to be something they wish they were. And I dare anyone to tell me differently. Because you can't tell me that a 9 mth old baby can vocalize that they want to do pageants...you can't even tell me that a 2, 3, 4 yr olds can express the desire to be in pageants. You wouldn't let a three year old decide where you shop, where you eat, what you eat, etc...so you can't tell me that a 3 yr old has the ability to fully understand the ramifications of the pageant world. You can't tell me that these children truly would choose to spend those hours practicing "walking" around their living rooms instead of running free playing.

And what comes from these pageants and winnings? If it weren't for the TLC show, the world would have no idea that these children had won anything. The fact of the matter is these children didn't win anything....the made-up mini adult on the outside won!

What is wrong with letting children, esp our little girls, just being themselves?

What is wrong with crooked/missing baby teeth?

What is wrong with natural hair - be it curly, straight, short, long?

What is wrong with a natural complexion?

What message are we sending our daughters when we take them to be waxed, coiffed, tanned, and given fake teeth?

Victoria will be 4 in about two months and she is an all natural beauty. She has a personality that shines. She has an amazing smile and beautiful eyes and perfect nose and yes, she even has a rather large birthmark on her face, and yet even with that, she is amazingly beautiful. I don't need to make her look like a little mini prostitute and parade her around some other parents in a cheesy hotel room to know she is beautiful.

We live in a world where we have heels on toddler shoes, padded bras for 7 yr olds, bikini panties for even toddlers, and little girls modeling for magazines in provocative poses. I am not a prude. I am not a square.But this is just too much. Is it any wonder why we have young girls with eating disorders? We are sending the wrong message to our daughters.

I wish TLC would remove "Toddlers & Tiara's" ...because I think the more air time the show gets, the more these parents will continue to think that this is acceptable and ok. If I ruled the world, these parents would be charged with child abuse because no child should be subjected to what these little children are subjected to.

30 Days of Lists: Day 6

2011-09-06T17:40:00.000-07:00

Today's list is: Favorite Color Combinations

I love color! One of the things I hate about renting is not having the ability to dress the walls up with some color. Oh, what I would give for some color ...I am over boring off-white walls. I love that today I can make a list about all the colors I dream of! :-)

So, here we go:

30 Days of Lists: Day 6: Favorite Color Combinations

1. Turquoise/Orange
2. Burgundy/Gold/Hunter Green
3. Lime Green/Hot Pink/Shocking Purple
4. Aqua/Brown
5. Fall Colors (oranges/reds/browns/yellows/greens)
6. Silver/Blue (love that combo at Christmas instead of the traditional red/green)

Picture-A-Day

2011-09-05T18:54:00.000-07:00

Picture-A-Day: Day 4

30 Days of Lists: Day 5

2011-09-05T18:42:00.000-07:00

Today's list is: Things I Need An App For. What a fabulous idea! There are so many apps from the useful to the absolutely insane, wouldn't it be cool to have your own personal apps? What would you want for an app if you had the ability to have an app for anything?

Here is my list:

30 Days of Lists: Day 5

1. To magically melt away pounds
2. To negate the calories of junk food
3. To do my laundry or at the very least alert me to when the washer has stopped
4. To grocery shop for me
5. To keep me constantly challenged creatively
6. To iron...the bane of my existence
7. To wash dishes
8. To referee the kids

30 Days of Lists: Day 4

2011-09-04T16:24:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it's already September 4th? I can't! Seems like the year just started and here we are quickly approaching another year-end!

Today's list is a fun one - a list of things to do on a Sunday morning!

Bring it on...

30 Days of Lists: Day 4

1. Sleep in. (Doesn't often happen with two young children but a girl can dream, right? LOL)
2. Have a big family breakfast.
3. Watch "Open House New York" - it's so cool to see real estate from back home and how much money it's going for!
4. Lay on the couch enjoying a cup of coffee.
5. Not listen to two kids fighting! LOL! (Again, a girl can dream, right? LOL)

Picture-A-Day

2011-09-04T16:05:00.000-07:00

We will have lived here two years as of September 23rd, and I am finally getting some more things hung up in my living room. We've had bare walls for a while and this morning I decided to finally do something about it. This wall you see had been blank. The opposite wall that you can't see, has two big windows. My plan here soon is to get some bigger pictures to put on each side of that floral print.

Picture-A-Day: Day 3

30 Days of Lists: Day 3

2011-09-03T16:24:00.000-07:00

I swear every day gets better and better! LOL! Today's list is a list of people I love!! What could be more fabulous then a list of people I love? Combining my love of lists and people I love - woot!!!

Drumroll please...

1. Trevor & Victoria - the absolute loves of my life! These two are the most amazing little people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.
2. Karl - not everyone is lucky enough to say they married their best friend, but I can! There is something incredibly awesome about having your best friend around 24/7.
3. My family!
4. Janna - my cousin. We should have been sisters - we enjoy so much of the same things - we think alike - she has a heart of gold and is so amazingly talented and I love her for it! Oh and she has this fabulously talented hubby and the most adorable little boy who calls me, "Bicky's mom"! :-)
5. Theresa - a dear friend! We haven't seen each other in a while, but we have the ability to pick up where we left off. And though we may be far apart in miles, she's always in my heart!
6. Erin - a high school friend. We had been out of touch for years...I do mean years...but since I moved back here, we've reconnected and she's no longer scared of me being from NYC! LOL!!
7. Myself. It's not always an easy thing to do, but it's so incredibly important and every day I strive to love myself more than the day before!
8. Those who "get" and understand what life is like as a special needs parent - no judgements...no pity...just pure understanding.

Picture-A-Day

2011-09-03T15:14:00.000-07:00

Picture-A-Day - Day 2:

Picture-A-Day

2011-09-02T17:20:00.000-07:00

When I blogged last night about my goals for September, one of them is to take a picture a day. This isn't about the perfect lighting, the right background, perfect hair and clothes, etc...this is just about capturing a moment a day in our lives.

Of course, today is already September 2, so I missed one for yesterday, but that is ok! LOL!

So here we go:

Picture 1:

30 Days of Lists: Day 2

2011-09-02T17:00:00.000-07:00

I am so excited that today's prompt for 30 Days of Lists is "I am Happiest When". Don't get me wrong, yesterdays list of goals was pretty awesome, but a list of happy things ...woot!!!

So here we go....

30 Days of Lists - September 2, 2011 - Day 1 - I Am Happiest When...

1...when I see my kids loving on each other.

2...when I get complimented on how great my kids are!

3...when I can curl up with a good book.

4...when I can spend time with Karl and the kids.

5...when I am being creative.

6...when I watch my family enjoying the fruits of my labors.

7....when I can make others laugh and smile.

8...when I have a good hair day.

9...when I can find a killer deal.

10...when things are clean and organized!

So there ya have it!!!

I managed to score some amazing deals today on some paper scrapping supplies, so I've decided I am going to go hybrid and do a combo of paper and digital and I am so stoked! I can't wait to start putting my book together!

Have a great day!

30 Days of Lists: Day 1

2011-09-01T17:52:00.000-07:00

I decided to join 30 Days of Lists for the month of September. I like to bite off more than I can chew! LOL! If my plate isn't full, well then why bother? LOL! Every day for the month of September, I'll have a list to complete. My goal is to eventually put all of these lists into some type of book - just not sure if I want to go paper or digital or a combo of both. I figure I'll work on the lists first and and then decide how I want to wrap it all up, so to speak!

So without further ado, here is List 1:

30 Days of Lists - September 1, 2011 - Day 1 - Goals for September

1. Blog daily - on both of my blogs. For those not aware, I also keep a blog about our life with Autism.

2. Work on crafts for upcoming craft fair in November.

3. Keep up-to-date with my CT commitments.

4. Take a picture every single day.

5. Spend less time on Facebook - I love connecting with family and friends but it's truly the biggest time waster I've ever laid eyes on.

6. Finish books that I have started.

7. Continue to pursue returning to college.

8. Get back on track with loosing weight.

9. Get back on treadmill 5x's a week.

10. Get the Etsy shop back up and stocked - I've let it go dormant this summer.

Here is to the start of a great month! I know I am really looking forward to this - hopefully I'll get to learn something about myself along the way!

Lessons learned the hard way...

2011-08-30T17:06:00.000-07:00

Today's post is one I dedicate to young people all over the globe...if you are in high school or college, then I beg you to read this. My hope is that perhaps this post will serve to help even just one person.

In September 1994, I began my freshman year at the University of Maine at Presque Isle. Going to UMPI was not my first choice. It actually wasn't even my second choice. Ever since moving to Maine my junior year of high school, I had dreamed of returning to NYC to attend college. It was not just a passing thought - it was something I wanted deep within my soul. But around the time my senior year that I began to start working on college applications and financial aid, my parents informed me that they would *not* help me with financial aid if I didn't go to school locally. I knew that I needed that financial aid help and so my hopes and dreams were tossed aside, and I enrolled at UMPI.

I begrudgingly attended UMPI ...with my heart and mind not into it at all. The first semester I did fairly well, but as the year went on, my "give a crap" broke and I stopped caring and stopped going to classes...stopped doing my coursework...everything just stopped. I withdrew from UMPI in May of 1995 with failing grades.

As a 19 yr old, I never thought twice about what ramifications that would have on me later in life. At the time, what mattered to me was getting the hell out of dodge and moving away from home and starting life all over on my own. And I did just that.

In September 1995, I moved out of my parents home and 5 hours away. In 1998, I got engaged. In 1999, I got married. In 2004, I had my first child. In 2007, I had my second (and last) child.

So all these years, I've gone on living my life, having several different jobs along the way, becoming not only a wife, but a mother. And at times during these last 17 years, I've had passing thoughts about returning to college someday. But that was it...a fleeting thought....

But the past year or so, the need to go back to school has weighed heavily on my mind and heart. The last couple weeks especially, I have felt this incredible need/want to return to school...to continue my education...to better myself...to be a role model for my children. (There is also this part of me that lately feels like my brain is turning to mush, and I need to learn.)

So yesterday, I took the first steps towards making this dream a reality. I sent an email to UMPI (yes, the very school that I wanted nothing to do with so many years ago) to see what I need to do to start school again. Today I've had contact with the Director of Admissions at UMPI - we've emailed back and forth - she's been very gracious to answer my questions and help me along.

But here is the kicker - I may not qualify for financial aid because I didn't leave school on good standing in terms of my grades. I withdrew school in May 1995 with a 1.5 GPA. Gosh, that hurts and embarrasses me to admit, but I want to be absolutely honest here.

The lady I've been speaking to today is going to talk to someone else (I can't remember who now and the email is on my other computer) and see what my best course of action is now. She said that we *will* make this happen.

The thing is, there are no guarantees. And I can't afford to return to school now and pay for it myself. I need that financial aid if I am going to make this happen.

And that brings me back to the beginning...why am I dedicating this to young people? Because I want to prevent another young person from making the same mistakes I did. It could greatly affect your future. Don't do what I did. I don't know what kind of hoops I'll have to jump through to make this happen, or if it will happen at all. College seems like fun and games but not taking it seriously can cost you dearly. Learn from me...

I'll update more when I find out what is going to happen....

Nom Nom Nom

2011-08-28T17:46:00.000-07:00

I promised pictures the next time I did ribs.

And that was today!

Karl's birthday is today and he requested ribs again, so of course, I happily obliged !

So without further ado...

Here I am adding the liquid smoke (this is the fat side btw) before I add the dry rub!

This is after I have rubbed the ribs with my dry rub!

This is what they looked like about an hour into cooking!

(Today they cooked from about 1pm till almost 6pm - slow and low. The bones came out completely clean. Very tender!)

Voila!

The end result!

Rib perfection!

Eat your heart out! LOL!

Nom! Nom! Nom!

In the battle of ...

2011-08-21T16:34:00.000-07:00

In the battle of woman vs. food, woman won!!!

LOL!

Today I decided to try to making St.Louis cut ribs in the oven. Last week I had done country style ribs, but wanted to take it up a notch.

I made a dry rub and massaged that on the two slabs of ribs and put them in the oven at noon. My motto is "low and slow"...so I put the oven on 200 degrees and put a foil tent over them, and let them cook. After 3 hours, I started brushing on bbq sauce. Over the course of the next two hours, I brushed on sauce every 20 minutes or so.

By 5pm, the ribs were done and looked/smelled fabulous. They had such a nice build up of bbq sauce on them. The house smelled divine.

But the real test was to come....

I made some corn on the cob and french fries to go with it...and then we sat down to eat.

One bite and I was transported down south to the heart of bbq country. These ribs were a labor of love and it paid off in more ways then one. The bone came off totally clean - they were cooked to perfection - moist - flavorful - smokey - just bbq deliciousness!

They were the best ribs I had ever had and I am not just saying that because I made them, but because they are seriously out of this world. I used to think I'd have to go down south to get good bbq...but I know now that I can have good bbq anytime and I can do it with an oven.

Next time I must take a picture ...it will make ya drool, I tell ya! LOL!

Today I conquered ribs and won!!!

Food Aspirations

2011-08-15T20:50:00.000-07:00

It is no secret that I have a definite love of food. I love to cook and bake. I love to try new recipes. I love to create new foods. I love to watch my family as they experience something new that I made just for them.

A week or so ago, I made *my* pizza - which consists of crust, thinly sliced tomatoes, fresh basil and fresh mozzarella (real mozzarella - not that crap that is mass produced.)

And it hit me as I was making it that the smell of basil is really kind of sensual. It's intoxicating. I love all things basil - especially fresh basil. I use it whenever I can. If you haven't cooked with fresh basil, you must. It's quite different then buying dried basil in a plastic jar.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So yesterday I made ribs - usually when I make them I put them in the crock pot, cover them in bbq sauce and let them cook. But my crock pot broke, so I was reduced to cooking them in the oven. Why didn't we grill them? Well the answer is easy. We have a neighbor who makes being outside hellish - she's in every one's business and we hate to be out there.

But back to the ribs - they were fantastic. I rubbed them first with some liquid hickory smoke - to help make up for the fact that they weren't being actually grilled. Then I made a dry rub consisting of brown sugar, pepper, onion powder, garlic powder and chili powder and rubbed that on each rib. I put them in the oven at about 250 degrees and let them slowly cook. Once they were done - about 2 or so hours - I started basting them with bbq sauce. By the time they were done, they had so many layers of flavor built up - the sauce had caramelized a bit on the edges and it was incredibly wonderful. I had nailed it perfectly.

I got to thinking about some other recipes that I'd like to tackle and perfect.

1. Souffle

2. Beef Wellington

3. Eggs Benedict

4. Yorkshire Pudding

5. Sauerbraten

I will say though, that it's this love of food that hurts my attempts at weight loss. I've got to find a way to balance my love of all things food and loosing weight.

9 Weeks

2011-08-15T20:33:00.000-07:00

In just 33 short minutes, it will be 9 weeks since I had my surgery.

In these past 9 weeks, the first three were touch and go. I questioned many a time what in the world was I thinking by having a hysterectomy.

But the past 6 weeks have been pretty glorious.

I won't lie - there are times when the heart still pangs for the child(ren) that won't be.

But overall I feel amazing.

I haven't had any pain in 6 weeks.

I haven't had to load my purse with all sorts of feminine hygiene paraphernalia "just in case".

I haven't had any massive pimple breakouts.

I haven't had the major moodiness - the highs and lows that could make anyone' s head spin.

No more planning my months around when I have my period.

I am breathing a major sigh of relief.

I am living life again.

I am enjoying life again.

My skin looks better.

My nails are growing.

My hair is shining.

My mood is stable.

Had you asked me 9 weeks ago tomorrow if I was glad I had the surgery, I most definitely would have had stammered to answer you.

Today I can honestly say that yes, yes I am glad that I've had the surgery.

Now I can tackle other areas of my life!

Baja Chicken & Slaw Sliders

2011-08-01T17:00:00.000-07:00

Another fabulous recipe from the August 2011 "Taste of Home" magazine.

Baja Chicken & Slaw Sliders
Prep: 30 minutes
Grill: 10 minutes
Yield 8 servings (I actually got 10 sliders from this recipe)

1/4 cup reduced-fat sour cream
1/2 tsp grated lime peel
1/4 tsp lime juice

Slaw:
1 cup broccoli coleslaw mix
2 tbsp finely chopped sweet red pepper (I used green since I already had some on hand)
2 tbsp finely chopped sweet onion
2 tbsp minced fresh cilantro
2 tsp. finely chopped seeded jalapeno pepper (I didn't use this as I didn't want it to be too hot)
1 tsp sugar

Sliders:
4 boneless chicken breast halves (4oz. each)
1/2 tsp ground cumin
1/2 tsp chili powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp coarsely ground pepper
8 Hawaiian sweet rolls, split
8 small lettuce leaves
8 slices tomato

1. In a small bowl, combine the sour cream, lime peel and lime juice. In another small bowl, combine the slaw ingredients. Chill the sauce and slaw until serving.

2. Cut each chicken breast in half width wise; flatter to 1/2in thickness. Sprinkle with seasonings.

3. Moisten a paper towel with cooking oil; using long-handled tongs, lightly coat the grill rack. Grill chicken, covered, over medium heat or broil 4in. from the heat for 4 to 7 minutes on each side or until no longer pink.

4. Grill rolls, cut sides down, for 30-60 seconds or until toasted. Serve chicken on rolls with lettuce, tomato, sauce and slaw.

These sliders are fabulous! You can really taste the lime in the sauce and slaw and it's such a nice contrast with the spices on the chicken.

The kids didn't try these - neither one is too keen on slaw type of veggies, so I didn't push it tonight. But Karl and I thoroughly enjoyed them! They will be going into my cooking repertoire.

This recipe gets two thumbs up from this mama!

Update of sorts!

2011-07-31T21:09:00.000-07:00

It's been officially 6 weeks (almost 7 actually) since the hysterectomy. Thankfully, I am getting to the point where I am thankful for having gone this route. Those first few weeks were iffy - between the pain and then the subsequent infection I ended up with, getting up hourly to use the bathroom during the night, the insomnia, and the mood swings, I was really questioning if I had made the right decision.

But I am coming around now - I think I am finally getting over the hump, so to speak. The pain is gone, the infection is gone, I am not up every hour during the night anymore, thanks to the HRT therapy my moods have stabilized. I feel good. There I said - I feel good.

I've heard the real turning point in recovery is about 6 months after surgery. With how good I feel right now, I can't imagine how much better I'll be in another 4.5 months.

Along with the HRT therapy, I've been taking my multivitamins and some other supplements and I am noticing some changes in how my body feels overall. And it's a good thing. Even Trev said yesterday that I seem happier and better. He said I don't yell as much, which made me really happy, because I hate being a yeller.

I am still coming to terms with the emotional side of things - I see new babies or pregnancy announcements and it still cuts like a knife. But it's getting better slowly...

I was planning on starting school this coming year to become a Doula and Breastfeeding Counselor, but I've decided to put that on hold. Right now, I can't see myself being able to be around pregnant women or babies on a regular basis. Not that I would do anything wrong, but I think it would hurt so much. Maybe in time that will change, but for now I've decided that I will put that on hold and explore some other options.

A Winner of a Dinner!

2011-07-31T16:34:00.000-07:00

Tonight I bring another recipe to you that is an absolute keeper! Again, this recipe is courtesy of "Taste of Home" magazine. This recipe is from Caryn Ross, of Norman, Oklahoma - she was a top winner in the "Real Women of Philadelphia Casting Competition", thanks to this recipe!

Sassy Tailgate Sandwiches

Prep: 10 minutes + standing time

Bake: 20 minutes

Yield: 1 dozen

12 Hawaiian sweet rolls, split

1 lb. shaved black forest ham

12 oz. Gruyere cheese, sliced

1 tub (8oz.) Philadelphia Chive and Onion Cream Cheese

1/2 cup butter, melted

1/4 cup grated parmesean cheese

1 tbsp worcestershire sauce

1 1/2 tsp dried minced onion

(Now here is where I'll tell you about the changes I made to the recipe. Instead of Gruyere cheese, I got baby Swiss at the deli counter and had it sliced fairly thin. Also, I didn't have dried minced onion on hand, so I used a couple teaspoons of onion powder.)

1. Arrange bottoms of rolls in a greased 13x9 inch baking dish. Layer with ham and cheese. Spread each roll top with cream cheese, and place over cheese/ham/bottom roll.

2. In a small bowl, combine the butter, Parmesan cheese, Worcestershire sauce and onion. Pour over sandwiches. Let stand for at least 20 minutes.

3. Cover and bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes or until heated through.

So, no we weren't tailgating but these little sandwiches were ever-so-yummy! So simple and yet delicious and filling.

The next time I make these, (which I might add would be good for brunch, lunch, dinner, to take to parties, etc), I am going to keep everything the same but try some good smoked turkey instead of ham.

As for the kids, Vicky wasn't really thrilled with them but Trevor ate two of them, which is always a good sign.

So these sandwiches get a two thumbs up from this mama! :-)

Back in the game!

2011-07-30T20:50:00.000-07:00

Tonight I was back in the game after last night's flop! I made Bacon-Swiss Penne from the August 2011 "Taste of Home" Magazine.

Unfortunately, I didn't get pictures this time because I was late getting started. Oops - guess that is what happens when you nap till 5pm. LOL!

Without further ado, here is the recipe.

Bacon-Swiss Penne

Prep: 35 minutes

Bake: 30 minutes

Yield: 10 servings

12 oz. uncooked penne pasta

13 bacon strips

1 1/2 lbs boneless, skinless, chicken breasts, cut into 1-inch cubes

3 tbsp butter

6 green onions, chopped

3 tbsp all purpose flour

4 cups 2% milk

3 cups shredded cheddar cheese

11/2 cups shredded Swiss cheese

1 1/2 cups frozen peas, thawed

1/4 tsp black pepper

1/2 tsp dried thyme

Topping:

3/4 cup dry bread crumbs

2 tbsp butter, melted

1. Cook penne according to the package directions.

2. Meanwhile, in a large skillet, cook bacon in batches over medium heat until crisp. Remove to paper towels; drain, reserving 4 tsp. drippings. Crumble bacon and set aside.

3. Saute chicken in butter and drippings until no longer pink. Add onions; cook 1 minutes longer. Stir in flour until blended; gradually add milk. Bring to a boil; cook and stir 2 minutes or until thickened. Stir in cheeses, peas, pepper, thyme and bacon.

4. Drain penne, add to chicken mixture and toss to coat. Transfer to a greased 9x13in. baking dish. In a small bowl, combine bread crumbs and butter; sprinkle over top. Bake uncovered. at 350 degrees for 30-35 minutes or until golden brown.

This recipe gets two thumbs up from this mama! It was a huge hit! We are already thinking of ways that we might change up the basic recipe because it seems like it could be very versatile!

Busted!!!

2011-07-29T17:35:00.000-07:00

Tonight I made the Chicken with Shallot Sauce recipe and it was a bust! Unfortunately, several things went wrong with this one.

1. It called for 6 slices of bacon. Hubby accidentally picked up maple flavored bacon and that horribly fake maple flavor just totally ruined it for me.

2. It also called for 1/2 cup of balsamic vinegar, which I normally love. However, in this recipe, it was way overkill.

3. I made glazed baby carrots for a "side"...unfortunately, after cooking those lil bugger for almost an hour, they were still hard. Why is it those stupid baby carrots take a year and day to cook? This isn't the first time I've had issues with them. The last time I did a pot roast in the crock pot all day (seriously 8 hours) and those damn lil carrots were like hard rocks! What gives? I should note though that the glaze was fabulous. I cooked the carrots in half chicken stock and half apple juice and when I thought they were done, almost an hour later, added brown sugar and butter.

So all in all, dinner was a flop. Would I try the recipe again? I am not sure - if I did, I would have to some major tweaking!

Chicken with Shallot Sauce gets a big thumbs down!

Let's get cookin'!

2011-07-28T18:46:00.000-07:00

Today is day three of making new recipes and I am really enjoying it. I admit, I live for this kind of stuff. I love the challenge of trying new recipes - different and possibly new ingredients - new cuisines that I've never attempted before.

Tonight I made Thai Shrimp - I found the recipe in the August 2011 "Taste of Home" magazine. I tweaked the recipe a bit though. If you would like to find the original recipe, check out the magazine.

Here is my version:

1 lb. uncooked, peeled, deveined shrimp (large or jumbo)

1/4 tsp salt

1/4 tsp pepper

2 tbsp lime juice, divided

1 shallot, chopped

1 tsp minced fresh ginger root

1 garlic clove, minced

1 tbsp olive oil

10 cherry tomatoes (I couldn't get cherry tomatoes, so I used 20 grape tomatoes) halved

1/2 cup chicken stock

1/2 coconut milk

1 tsp curry powder

1/2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes

1. Sprinkle shrimp with salt, pepper and 1 tbsp lime juice.

Ok, so this picture is before the salt/pepper/lime. I bought frozen shrimp, just to keep this recipe budget-friendly and cleaned them myself.

2. In a large skillet, (I used cast iron because I think it's the best thing since sliced bread pretty much), saute the shallot, ginger and garlic in olive oil for 1 minute. Add shrimp; cook and stir for 2-3 minutes or until shrimp turn pink. Remove with a slotted spoon and set aside.

3. Add tomatoes, stock, coconut milk, curry powder, pepper flakes and remaining lime juice to the skillet. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer, uncovered, for 8-10 minutes until sauce is slightly reduced, stirring occasionally. Add shrimp; heat through. Serve with white rice.

And the final product:

This was incredibly good. Not one for the kids unless they enjoy hot and spicy foods. This was even a bit spicy for Karl,I think next time I'll bring the 1/2 tsp of red pepper flakes down to 1/4 of a tsp. But this is definitely a keeper! And has really spurred my desire to try more Thai cuisine.

I'd definitely give this one two thumbs up!!!

On top of that today I also made my first bath of freezer jam ever. I can't believe how incredibly simple it is. It has to sit for 24 hours before I can refrigerate or freeze it, so I can't have any till Saturday and the wait is killing me! LOL!

Up for tomorrow's supper is:

Chicken with Shallot Sauce

Be on the look-out for the next blog post!

Menu Planning & New Recipes to Share

2011-07-27T18:04:00.000-07:00

I am attempting to menu plan for this week. I am honestly not sure how long this will last - I seem to always have the best of intentions but follow-thru sometimes can be lacking.

Last night I made, "Ranch Chicken Packets", which is a recipe I found on the Tasty Kitchen website.

Here is the recipe:

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 20 minutes

Servings: 8

Difficulty: Easy

Ingredients:

2 cups cooked chicken, diced small

4 ounces cream cheese, softened

2 tablespoons ranch dressing

1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese

2 packages crescent rolls

1/4 cup melted butter

1/2 cup seasoned bread crumbs

(8-10 slices bacon, cooked and crumbled, optional)

Preparation:

Mix chicken, cream cheese, ranch dressing and shredded cheddar cheese together(and bacon if used). Taste mixture and season with salt and pepper to taste.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Unroll crescent rolls. Each tube will contain 4 rectangles of dough. Press dough along the diagonal perforations so that the rectangle halves till not separate. Place about 1/3 cup of the chicken into the center of one half of the rectangle. Fold the other half over and seal edges tightly.

Brush each packet with melted butter and sprinkle with bread crumbs. Place packets on baking sheet and bake for 20 minutes or until golden brown.

(Filling can be made ahead and frozen till ready to use. Place filling mixture in a freezer bag. Place bread crumbs in another bag and attach to filling bag. Freeze. To serve, thaw chicken mixture and proceed as directed.)

Last night was the first time I've put bacon in it and it was fabulous. The crescent rolls give it that buttery flavor and the ranch chicken mixture with the bacon is delicious. Trevor ate two last night and finished up 1 and half this morning for breakfast! LOL!

Tonight I made another new recipe that I found in the current issue of "Taste of Home" magazine.

Steak Terriyaki Quesadillas

Prep Time: 20 minutes + marinating

Grill: 15 minutes

Yield: 18 wedges

1/3 cup reduced sodium soy sauce

1/2 cup chicken stock (it called for broth but I prefer using stock - think it gives a better flavor)

1 tbsp brown sugar

1 tsp minced fresh ginger root

1/2 tsp onion powder

1 garlic clove, minced

1 beef top sirloin steak (about 3/4 pound)

Mix first six ingredients and set aside 3 tbsp for the filling. Pour remaining mixture into a large resealable bag. Add the steak, seal bag and turn to coat. Refrigerate for at least 2 hours to marinate. (I marinated mine for about 4 hours)

Drain steak and discard marinade. Grill steak (I grilled mine on my Foreman grill inside).

1/2 cup crushed pineapple (recipe called for fresh pineapple, but I think the canned was actually better)

1/2 cup finely chopped red onion

1/2 cup finely chopped green pepper

Remove steak from grill and cool slightly, cut into bite-size pieces. In a large bowl, combine pineapple, red onion, green pepper and beef.

2 cups shredded mozzarella

6 tortillas (large)

Sprinkle half the cheese over 3 of the tortillas. Using a slotted spoon, top with beef mixture. Drizzle with remaining soy mixture. Sprinkle with remaining cheese. Top with remaining tortillas.

Grill over medium heat for 1-2 minutes on each side or until cheese is melted. Immediately cut into six wedges and serve immediately. (I actually did this part in my large cast iron skillet)

The kids weren't too keen on these because of the pineapple and other veggies but Karl and I thought they were absolutely fabulous. I served these with a side of tortilla chips and a raspberry lime salsa that was to die for. This recipe will definitely be a keeper for us.

Here is the menu for the rest of the week:

Baja Chicken Sliders

Tailgate Sandwiches

Bacon Swiss Penne

Thai Shrimp

Roasted Butternut Linguine

Chicken with Shallot Sauce

The only regret I have in the past two nights it that I didn't take pictures along the way - always so much more fun to see the recipes as you go! :-) Hopefully as the week progresses I can get pictures as I make our suppers and then blog about it.

Let me know if you decide to try either of these recipes - I'd love to find out what you thought about them.

Enjoy!

Bittersweet time...

2011-07-11T08:51:00.000-07:00

This weekend I decided I had stared long enough at the enormous piles of outgrown clothes of Victoria's. I had started saving them at some point last year in case we had another child. And for the past month, every time I went into the basement, there they were - staring me in the face - an all too real reminder that there never would be another baby in this house. There would never be an opportunity for another daughter of mine to wear these clothes. So Karl and I bagged them all up - in total there was about 8 bags of clothes - 95% of it was Victoria's - and Karl took it to Catholic Charities. It was a bittersweet moment for me ...

How could I forget?

2011-06-24T20:57:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that I almost forgot this. For about a week now Victoria has been going to bed with her bedroom lamp off. This is major! As an infant she always had just a nightlight - more for me to be able to see in the night than anything else. Once she got into the toddler bed, she wanted a lamp on - so for a year or so now. But now, no lamp! And it wasn't something we pushed her into - she choose to do this all on her own. I am so proud of her - she's becoming such a big girl. Holy hell, she's going to be 4 five months from today! So not fair!

Who is that woman?

2011-06-24T06:18:00.000-07:00

This past weekend while laying in bed recovering, I started typing my surgery story. I had full intention of blogging about it, but got tired and set it aside, and now I don't think I can or will. I'll leave it there in my drafts folder and maybe some day I'll share the experiences of the surgery and the hospital stay, but for now, I am leaving that behind me. I don't honestly want to think about that hospital stay as it just upsets me.

So back to the present, yesterday I went for my first follow-up appointment. Everything looks good - I have one incision that isn't quite as healed as the others, so I am to put peroxide on it daily and keep it covered for now. I am to keep laying low for a few more weeks. On one hand it's nice to have permission so to speak to do nothing much, but on the other hand I miss my freedom to do whatever I want.

I was having a good day yesterday, so I thought. I had my appointment, which went well. I contacted Catholic Charities of Maine to get a new case manager for Trevor, and just was in a good mood overall. And then out of nowhere, something "snapped" inside me - it was close to the time that Trev's therapist was supposed to be here and I didn't want anyone here - I didn't want to see anyone - so I actually called and cancelled her for the day. As much as I hate to say it, but I didn't even want the kids talking to me. It's like all day long it's something - "Can I have a drink?", "Can I have a snack?", "Get me something to eat" , and it just continues like that all day long - especially from Victoria. I don't know where this kid puts the food but it's a constant barrage of "get me x". And it rubbed me the wrong way yesterday. And so I found myself going from happy to just crying and not wanting to be around people in no time. I curled up on the couch and just cried.

I imagine it's the hormones that are out of whack right now. I started the HRT (hormone replacement therapy) yesterday and I hope that I quickly notice a difference. I don't want to be "that mom". I can remember my mom blaming menopause often as a kid for her bitchy attitude and behavior. And I don't want to be like that. At the very least, at least I recognize that I had an issue yesterday, am on the medication now and hopefully am on the road to recovery, not just physically but mentally/emotionally as well. This is a whole new experience for me and I am learning as I go.

Lost of Innocence & Biopsy Follow-Up

2011-06-20T19:27:00.000-07:00

Today I took Victoria to the doctor for a follow-up on her biopsy for her mole. As with any appointments we have, I always go above and beyond to make sure the kids look perfect. It's a thing of mine - I grew up in a family where going to appointments, be it doctor, school, etc, you wore your Sunday best. Hair was done, clothes were dressy and clean and ironed, faces/hands were clean - basically there was not a thing out of place. I know it's ridiculous but it's just one of those things from my own childhood that I can't seem to shake!

So today I put a dress on Vicky - a cute little navy blue sundress with pink/white polka dots all over it, a little lightweight pink sweater (it was only about 60 degrees today), and her sandals. I did her hair up with some curls and a navy bow to match. She looked perfect!

Now here is where I admit, that I thoroughly enjoy all the compliments I get when we go places and people comment on how nice my kids look.

So the minute we step out of the car, we are met by one of the office workers returning from lunch. She begins to gush on about Vicky. We get inside and they immediately go crazy - they really adore her. They all know her and come to see her - commenting on how cute she looks again today.

We are called back and the doctor comes in and of course, he gushes over her too - said she is a cutie patootie. She acts all shy and puts her head down but the big smile can't be hidden. LOL!

Anyways, the appointment went well - the mole is benign, which is a huge relief! He wants to start conservatively and try the laser first. If that doesn't work well enough, then he can incise it. I agree with him in starting conservatively. Because she is still young, the scarring should be fairly minimal and overtime will become less and less. However, he wants to give the area from the biopsy plenty of time to heal before he starts the removal process. So we are going to wait 10 weeks and then go back in and go from there. So glad everything is falling into place. And I am so glad we have this doctor - he's absolutely fabulous!

So, by now you are wondering what this has to do with the lost of innocence. Well, let me tell you...

As we sat in the waiting room, Vicky got on the floor to play at a toy box they have in the waiting room. Sitting in front of her were two older men - 60's? 70's? - somewhere around that. Anyways, being a little girl who loves to play, she was moving around quite a bit and it hit me that at any moment, she'd be flashing her panties at these old men. And in that moment, I was so mad at myself for not having something under the dress. I wanted to tell her to pull her dress down but didn't want to draw attention to it. As I sat there hoping she'd move and her dress wouldn't expose anymore, I got to thinking...we live in a day and age where we have to be concerned about our little girls accidentally exposing themselves. I remember at one point talking to some moms who bought shorts for their daughters to wear under dresses and I didn't really understand what the big deal was all about. But now I have a little girl and I want to protect her above everything. The very thought that some old man (or young man or woman or alien with red eyes - point is it doesn't matter) might be having lewd thoughts about my little girl pisses me off in a big way.

We live in a time where kids have lost so much innocence. We live in such an eff'd up world that our kids have to pay the price. It's sad really when you think about it.

So I am off to scour the net for some inexpensive plain shorts that I can put on Vicky under her dresses....sigh....

8 Months of Crazy

2011-06-18T09:05:00.000-07:00

Laying in bed last night I got to thinking about the past 8 months - it's been one hell of a ride let me tell you!

November 2010:

- I had my remaining 3 wisdom teeth removed

- Vicky's 3rd birthday

- Thanksgiving

December 2010:

- Vicky has tonsils/adenoids surgery

- Trevor's support services end

- Christmas

January 2011:

- New Years

February 2011:

-Trevor's 7th birthday

-Karl has carpal tunnel surgery

- Karl and Trevor go away for a weekend

March 2011:

- My 35th birthday

- Trevor is hospitalized for a week again

-Karl gets done at his job and begins a new job

April 2011:

- I have knee surgery

-Our 12th wedding anniversary

- Easter

May 2011:

-Karl has carpal tunnel surgery on other wrist

- Vicky has biopsy on her "Angel Kiss"

- Preschool ends for Vicky

June 2011:

-School ends for Trevor

- I have hysterectomy

Sadly June isn't done either. On Monday, I take Vicky back to the Dr. to follow-up on the biopsy results and schedule the surgery to remove it. And next month Trevor will go for his consultation with the Orthodontist.

What this doesn't take into account is all the other doctor's appointments, therapy appointments, errands, etc. I really am hoping that maybe the rest of this year things can slow down and return to "normal"...whatever that is! LOL! And I am hoping that I am done going under the knife for a looooong time!

The Death of Fairy Tales

2011-06-09T17:28:00.000-07:00

The other morning on Facebook I saw a blog post from I think maybe it was Parents magazine regarding little girls and watching Disney movies. There seems to be this growing phenomenon that if we let our little girls watch fairy tales movies they will grow up to be disillusioned young women who sit idly by waiting for a handsome prince with nary a brain cell in their little heads.

I am not sure where this idea started or when it started becoming such a major issue in the forefront of parenting. Perhaps it was the same time that parents felt they needed to really push aside the traditional ideas of childhood. It's like there is this growing trend to buck anything that is tradition - anything that comes from our parents and grandparents generation. Parents seem to be working overtime these days to make sure their little girls play in the dirt and with superheros and their little boys play dress up and Barbie. Instead of just letting kids be...letting kids just play as they want...parents these days are making such a production of making sure their kids buck the trend. I see it all over the Internet - parents who go out of their way to make sure the world knows that their daughters play with cars and their boys play with dolls. Who cares? I mean would it be the end of the world if a boy did play with trucks and a girl did play with dolls? No. Nor is it the end of the world when a girl plays with trucks and a boy plays with dolls. It's just not that big of a deal.

But somewhere along the way, parenting became askew.

Somewhere along the way it became a faux-pas to let your little girl watch a Disney Princess movie and let her dream of someday becoming a fairy princess. Because let's face it - there are a whole bunch of crazy ass women out there who believe their prince will come all thanks to Disney and it's damn movies. I hope their parents are paying for their therapy bills.

So, let's toss aside the fairy tales because it gives the wrong message to our little girls. And while we are at it, let's throw away books too...because they too could lead young girl astray, right? I mean, some little girls could grow up thinking that spiders really do talk and that pigs really wear little red dresses and pick on their little "bothers".

What kills me is on the flip side, while we are pushing aside fairy tales, we have embraced the trampy look for little girls. Padded bikini tops - thongs and other skimpy underwear - shoes with chunky wedges/heels - pants with catchy phrases across the ass - . It's ok to dress little girls like little live "Bratz" dolls but heaven forbid they have the innocent belief in a fairy tale. Tell me this isn't a messed up world! Does a 4 yr old really need to have the word "juicy" across her backside? Does a 3 yr old really need hooker shoes? Does a 7 yr old really need padding for her bikini?

I am a 35 yr old grown woman - a married woman - a mother of two. I played with Barbie's and Tonka trucks...I watched Disney movies till the cows came home...I also watched "Little House on the Prairie" and " The Waltons" ...and yet somehow I managed to come out of my childhood unscathed. I did not grow up with this crazy idea that I'd literally be a princess.

I think it's time to get our heads out of our asses! Time to get our priorities straight!

Kids are only little once...part of childhood is believing in magical things like the ToothFairy, Disney Princess's, Santa, etc.

The real harm comes from taking that innocence away.

Biopsy

2011-06-06T19:14:00.000-07:00

Today Victoria had a biopsy on her mole in preparation for upcoming surgery to remove it. The biopsy was not only to make sure that it's nothing cancerous but also to determine how deep this mole is. Once the doctor knows how deep it is, he'll be able to tell if he can remove it via laser or if he'll have to cut it out. They will have the results back within a week. They wanted us to come back next week, but with me having surgery myself next week, we are going back in two weeks instead.

I must say I was so proud of Vicky today - she couldn't eat or drink for 6 hours prior to her appointment. It was a long morning for her since her appointment wasn't till 12:20pm. She asked for food/drink a few times and even said that she couldn't take it any longer, but she never really whined or had any tantrums. She was such a good girl about everything. And so very brave during the whole appointment. They just adore her today! It was cute when the Dr. and nurse came in to the room at first and said that Vicky won the award for cutest patient for the day! :-)

So, we return in two weeks and will schedule surgery then. She's just so anxious to have it off. I hate that she's been made fun of it because of it. I wanted her to grow up and love herself even with that mark. I wanted her to grow up knowing how beautiful she was because of it. I hate that even at 3.5yrs old, she's been made fun of by kids and adults alike. Some people really suck!

Sleep!

2011-06-05T19:34:00.000-07:00

It seems like just yesterday that I was posting on Facebook and here on the blog about Vicky sleeping in our bed and my attempts to get it to stop. But the truth is, she hasn't slept in our bed all night long in a long time.

You know when you are in the moment, it seems like it will never end. You try to reassure yourself that your child won't still be in your bed when she is 15! LOL!

And so it seemed like it lasted forever, but in actuality, it ended rather quickly. And I miss it.

Yep, there I said it!

Oh hell, I love my sleep...I love being able to sprawl out...roll over on a whim...hang my leg over the side of the bed....use 4 pillows...etc...that is all fabulous....but....

...but there is the part of me that misses that warm, little body curled up in my arms sleeping ever so peacefully.

Tonight we let Vicky stay up late and watch tv in bed with us and don't you know that she ended up falling asleep in my arms.

And it was magical!

I let her sleep there for half an hour before I tucked her into bed and kissed her one last time.

Right before my very eyes, these kids are growing up in what seems like leaps and bounds. One day I am changing diapers and breastfeeding and the next we are playing board games and doing crafts. Long gone are the days of round-the-clock feedings, burp pads, diapers, enormous diaper bags, itty-bitty baby clothes, etc.

When we had Trevor, I found myself looking forward to every single new milestone. Looking back, it seems like I rushed his babyhood...anxious to see him grow and do new things. So when Victoria came along, I swore (no, really, I said it out loud to Karl even) that I would not rush her - I would enjoy each stage - I wouldn't "push" for each new milestone. But it didn't work - she still grew up way too fast. She's 3.5yrs going on 25. It's not often that she wants to sit still long enough to cuddle with me - I joke that she has ants in her pants - she's go, go, go!!! So, when moments like tonight come along, where I can cuddle her and watch her sleep peacefully in my arms, I cherish it and soak it all up!

Memories...

2011-05-30T16:15:00.000-07:00

Karl hooked up the VCR today so that Trevor could watch a movie I picked him up at Catholic Charities. While he was getting the VCR ready, he found a disc inside that was full of almost a years worth of pictures from when Trevor was a toddler. I sat and looked at every single one of those pictures - reliving each moment captured. He's grown so much - changed in so many ways. I thought I had lost all those pictures and to have them again means so much to me.

And then Karl discovered a video tape - at the beginning was Trevor's ultrasound where we found out he was a boy, then in the hospital when he was born and a couple months after that.

Talk about a flood of emotions. I don't know if this was a good time or a bad time to find this stuff when you consider the upcoming surgery. It was hard to watch - to see that new life fluttering on the screen - knowing that was my baby growing inside me. To see him after he was first born - all new and cuddly - safely in my arms - to see him at a month old cooing and smiling (and yes, I tell myself he was indeed smiling at me)...it melted my heart.

And once again, it was an all too real reminder of the fact that soon that stage of my life is ending.

I was one of those women who absolutely loved being pregnant. Sure I had days where I was ready to be done and have my baby on the outside with me, but overall, I loved it. I loved the attention from strangers who would "ooooh" and "ahhhh" over my baby belly...who would ask me when I was due and if I knew what I was having. I loved feeling those flutters and eventually kicks to my poor bladder! LOL! I loved the glow that I had. I loved going to the doctor - hearing the heartbeat. Those were some of the best times! I lived for it - breathed it - read everything I could - I just really enjoyed being pregnant!

It's weird knowing that I will never experience that again.

I think had money and my sanity not been a concern, I would have had a dozen babies! LOL!

I told Karl that some night this week after everyone is fast asleep I am going to go downstairs and pop that tape in and watch it from start to finish and I am sure there will be tears shed ,but it will be ok. I will be ok. I have faced many obstacles...many bumps along the road, but I will get through this.

Yes, I will be ok!

3 Weeks

2011-05-24T11:12:00.000-07:00

Anytime life happens, my blog(s) get pushed to the back burner, which is the case here with this one. It sure has been a while - a lot has gone on - and unfortunately, a lot more will be taking place.

I will get to all that happened during my absence, but for now, the reason I am here today!

Three weeks from today, I will once again go under the knife. This time I will be having a total hysterectomy - including the removal of the ovaries. I will then be in menopause. At 35 yrs old.

Menopause.

35 yrs old.

This wasn't something wished or hoped for. I didn't get up one morning and decide that this sounded like fun. Yes, I do know the consequences of this decision. Yes, I know that I will no longer be able to conceive. Yes, I know these things.

This wasn't a decision made lightly.

This came after numerous prior surgeries, medications, alternative therapies, etc.

I had my first period at 8 yrs old. 8.years.old. Just a baby and already was experiencing the hell that was to be my life. Thankfully at that age, it wasn't regular. No, it didn't become regular till I was 11. It ruled my life. I didn't leave the house without a boat load of maxi pads. I dreaded going to school - especially gym, knowing I'd have to put on those tiny shorts and at any time I could leak, exposing my secret to everyone.

The hell continued into my adult years - doctor after doctor to find out what was wrong with me. Why the hell was I bleeding so much? Why was I in so much pain?

Finally when I was 21 I found a doctor who actually listened to me. A doctor who took me seriously. A doctor who knew the minute I started describing the hell I was living what was wrong with me.

Endometriosis.

We tried some birth control to attempt to alleviate the pain/symptoms. I went on the Depo Provera shot. That was an ever bigger hell! I was on a double dose every month - I gained 60lbs in no time (seriously, less than a year), and I bled every.single.day. When I was 22 I had my first laproscopic surgery. And after that I had sweet relief. But it was short lived and about a year later, I was once again in pain every single day.

But at the very least I knew why I was in pain. I knew why we were having issues conceiving. Endometriosis is one of the leading causes of infertility.

Finally in 2003 we were able to conceive, and in 2004 I gave birth to an extremely special little boy! It took another 2.5 yrs to get pregnant with Victoria. And during that time, I had another laproscopy and more pain killers, trying to make life livable.

So fast forward to today and I am still living in excruiating pain - at times leaving me unable to walk across a room without collapsing. I've tried other birth control, Lupron, pain killers all to no avail.

Which brings me to the hysterectomy scheduled for June 14th. I am ready to be done - my body is tired and worn out.

I want to "live" again...without pain, without heavy duty bladder control pads because regular maxi pads just aren't enough,and even then I'd have to double up on the bladder control pads, without the constant influx of pain killers, the headaches, the bowel issues that accompany it, without having to be laid up half the month not wanting to move because of the pain. I am ready to be done with all of that!

But the cold, hard truth is, there is a part of me that feels that my body has let me down - that I am broken. See, I knew we were done having children. But to know that it's really going to be final in a matter of weeks, is well heart-wrenching. Yes, my body was able to carry two wonderful children, but never again will I experience that positive pregnancy test. Never again will I feel those first flutters of a new life forming inside my body. Never again will I have the anticipation that comes with waiting to meet your new little one for the first time. Never again will I get to hold a baby created within the walls of my body. Never again will I fold those little tiny clothes. Or change those tiny diapers. Or breastfeed. Never again will I rock a baby to sleep all night long. Never again will I hear "mama" for the first time. All those things are behind me...distant memories of my past...of a different time in my life.

And for that I mourn. I mourn for me and the finality of this phase of my life. Trevor is almost 7.5 yrs old - Vicky is 3.5 yrs old - my baby days are over for good. I am now moving on to a new phase of my life. And while that is exciting, I won't lie - I mourn for the days that will no longer be.

Sharing Happiness

2011-02-16T14:57:00.000-08:00

What are the little ways you share happiness with those around you?

We live in a hectic, fast-paced world. Go! Go! Go! We have home life commitments, work commitments, social commitments...heck, these days even our children have commitments. It's easy to get lost in the fray. It's easy to neglect those around you - assuming that they know you care and love them.

But when it comes right down to it, don't we all enjoy a special treat now and again? Don't we all appreciate a little recognition once in a while? Don't we all really want to be happy?

What ways do you share happiness with those around you?

I think for me the biggest one would be baking. I love to bake - to tackle a recipe head-on - to watch the pictures in the cookbook come to life. And when they have, I enjoy so much sharing those yummy goodies with those around me. Last year when Trevor was in the hospital, it was around St.Patrick's Day. We went to visit him one day and I brought along a fresh loaf of homemade Irish Soda bread for the staff. It was just a little way to put a smile on their face and let them know we appreciated the care they were giving our son under the circumstances.

That is just one way to share some happiness, but there are so many more. It can be something as simple as a smile to a stranger in passing at the store. Perhaps they are having a bad day, and you are the first person who has smiled at them that day. A smile - such a simple (and free) gift that truly comes from within the soul.

Another way to share some happiness is paying for the person behind you while you are at your favorite drive-thru. I've had this happen to me before and it's such a fabulous surprise - it really does just brighten my day. A free cup of coffee - what could be better?

One of the other things I enjoy doing is to just post a quick message on Facebook to someone who I am thinking about. Perhaps someone who hasn't been very active recently or you know they are going through a tough time - just leaving a few words of kindness can mean all the world. I know when Trevor was in the hospital, the messages like that meant so much to us as a whole family. If you don't have Facebook , you can always send an email or take the traditional route and send a "Thinking of You" card. Hand-written notes are hard to come by these days, what a lovely gesture it would be.

Another way I like to spread happiness is to surprise the kids with a treat - perhaps a movie rental from the RedBox or a small piece of candy. It's just something small and inexpensive but it lets them know that I was thinking about them even when they aren't with me.

Those are just a few of the ideas that I like to use regularly to share happiness with those around me. We never know what someone else is going through - it doesn't take much to spread happiness!

“I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Hershey's blogging program, for a gift card worth $25 and some product. For more information on how you can participate, click here.”

Small Victories

2011-01-24T10:00:00.000-08:00

I realized this morning that I forgot to blog about one of my small victories! Shame on me!

Before starting this new way of life, I was pre-diabetic. My once very low blood sugar levels were steadily rising. It used to be nothing to test and get a 98...suddenly I'd test and be at 140 - while that may seem low to some, it was devastating to me. I had always been very happy that diabetes was not something I had to deal with. When that started to change, it really hit me. I've watched Karl struggle with it - I've watched him take numerous pills - and then move onto insulin shots. The idea that that was what I'd be facing sooner than later, was extremely sobering.

Since we've started this new WOL (way of life), my blood sugar levels are returning to normal. The highest I've seen it since we started was 110...but usually it's in the 90's now...the lowest being 91.

I am loving the fact that this is reversing...that I am taking control of my health and stopped this dead in it's tracks before it had completely taken hold of me. It's such a great feeling!

You know ever since I was a kid, I "spilled" sugar into my urine...I mean like literally every time I was tested I'd have amounts of sugar in my urine, yet my blood sugar previously had been fantastic. Doctors could never understand or explain it. I bought some test strips a week or so ago and tested and since cutting out all the junk and watching our carbs, I am no longer "spilling" sugar in my urine. Another small victory!!! sweet!

And while I am on this note, I should add that Karl is seeing his numbers starting to drop...to a point where depending on the results, he's been able to skip shots because the number was so good. I am extremely confident that as we continue this road, Karl will be able to get off most, if not all, of these medications. And that my friends, will be something to celebrate in a huge way!!!

Week 3 in Review!

2011-01-22T18:15:00.000-08:00

Well, we've managed to complete three full weeks of our new eating lifestyle!

This has been a crazy week for me - I haven't been showing any loss - actually I've been fluctuating a pound or few ounces every couple days and I've been working hard to not let that get me down.

So where does the crazy part come in? Well, I've lost 3 inches on my waist - go figure! Despite the scales not showing a big loss, I am loosing inches!

And then here is the kicker - I went to the doctor on Thursday and their scales showed me down 2lbs and yet my scale at home isn't showing any loss. I don't get it. But I am not going to officially count that two pounds because I am not sure what is going on. I go back again this Thursday to have a little procedure done and I admit I am kinda anxious to see what my weight is then.

Despite all that, I've still not had any caffeine - woot for me!

So my three week total stands at 12lbs lost and 3 inches gone from my wait!

So that is about it for week 3 - encouraged going into week 4. Hope next week, I will have another positive update!

Simple Changes!

2011-01-19T13:52:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you, but we are settling into the new year quite nicely here. So far, we haven't really had any sickies, no major catastrophes (though we did have a car scare - ugh), no trips to see specialists, etc. It's been relatively quiet and calm.

I was given the opportunity today to blog about simple changes that we all can make to better our lives in this new year. As you know we are on a journey to get healthy here in our house, so a lot of these tips will be based on that.

So without further ado:

1. Reduce your caffeine intake. Or cut it out completely! I was a die-hard caffeine addict. There were times where I would drink a whole pot of coffee myself. Then last year, we got our Kuerig and having cup after cup of coffee or iced coffee, was that much easier. I was totally caffeine dependent. I lived and breathed caffeine. But, it's been 15 days since I've had regular coffee. I've switched to decaf and actually, I only have coffee now a few times a week. I've made the switch to more decaf tea - esp. green tea.

2. Cut out the soda. In addition to being a caffeine addict, I was very much addicted to diet soda. I had alluded myself into thinking that because it said "diet", that it was OK for me to drink. But that isn't the case. It's still full of man made ingredients that just aren't a necessary part of my diet. I've had maybe 3 glasses sodas in the last 19 days.

3. Water! Water! Water! So, in cutting out the soda and coffee, I am drinking a lot more water. Besides all the obvious benefits, one that really stands out is how much clearer my skin is - my complexion is definitely improving thanks to all the water.

4. In taking better care of ourselves, I've chosen a word for the year. This year my word is "no". That may seem like a strange word, but by saying "no" more to others, I'll be saying "yes" more to myself. I've got to stop spreading myself thin trying to take on everything and focus more on myself. Let's face it, stress isn't good for ones health, physically or mentally.

5. Not only do I want to take care of myself better physically, and mentally, I want to feed myself through learning and enrichment. I want to read more. I joined, www.paperbackswap.com and now I get "free" books. It's a great way to recycle books I've already read and get new ones that I want without going broke. I've got 6 books on their way to me right now and 3 sitting here already just waiting for me here now. I find reading such a great way to keep my mind healthy and active.

6. Get active! I am finding being active doesn't mean having to join an expensive gym. It can be taking the stairs instead of the elevator, parking further from the door when going to Wal-Mart, walking the mall, playing a game on the Wii. I've been getting a great workout in playing the Wii boxing game. Next month we hope to get a treadmill and then I will be walking/running every day. I am finding I feel so much better and sleep better after I've been active during the day. The days I lounge around and do nothing, I don't sleep good, and I am more apt to make poor food choices.

So there are some changes we are making here in our house and really these are changes that anyone could make. Have some other ideas you'd like to share? What changes are you making? I'd love to hear what they are!

“I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Simply Orange® blogging program. If I am one of the first 65 blogs received by SocialsMoms, I will receive a $25 Target gift card and a gift pack that includes a Simply Orange® cooler bag and logoed fleece."

Fake Potatoes or how I lie to my children!

2011-01-17T20:34:00.000-08:00

So, as you know (or maybe you don't know, but you will now) we, as in Karl and I, are following a low-carb lifestyle. I hesitate to call it a diet, because we all know that "dieting" implies that you'll go back to eating the same old junk once you've gotten the weight off, and I'll be damned if that is going to happen this time.

So we were looking for an alternative for mashed potatoes. I admit, I am not a huge potato fan...until you take it away from me and then suddenly potatoes seem so attractive.

So, we now enjoy fake mashed potatoes - cook cauliflower till very soft, toss into the food processor and add any ingredients you normally would in regular mashed potatoes - eg. milk/cream/salt and pepper/sour cream/chives/etc. Karl, who isn't a cauliflower fan at all, absolutely loves them! I no longer miss mashed potatoes!!

So, by now you are wondering where the heck the whole lying to my kids comes into play...well, sit a spell and I'll tell ya. I know, I know, these days it is a total faux pas to lie to your children - yes, lying to my children about things like Santa and the tooth fairy and where babies come from well undoubtedly send my children into therapy as adults...pffbbtt!

Trevor is extremely picky these days when it comes to food - and I know a good part of that is due to his special needs. So when he saw the fake potatoes and asked what it was, I lied. Yes, I said it - I lied to my child. I told him they were regular potatoes, because I knew if I told him it was mashed cauliflower it would have been a struggle to get him to try it. So I lied and he ate it. And yes, he said they aren't his favorite potatoes, but he ate them twice now without complaints and in this house that is nothing short of a small victory.

There you have it...I lie to my kids! Sometimes it's small things like this or sometimes it's big things like believing in Santa because *I* feel kids deserve to have something a lil magical in their lives...so sue me!

Week 2 in Review

2011-01-16T06:42:00.000-08:00

Week 2 done!

I wish I could say I am coming to you today full of cheer and happiness, but the truth is, the past couple days I've really struggled. I've lost 12lbs so far - 12lbs in two weeks. And I know that is awesome and wonderful and the logical part of my brain tells me I should be jumping for joy - 12 glorious pounds have left my body and won't return!

But the irrational part of my brain is pissed of, depressed, and angry. See, I lost those 12lbs by the beginning of this past week. Wednesday hit and it's been a stalemate since then - even fluctuating ounces here and there. And I am damn angry. I've drastically changed my diet - seriously, I used My Fitness Pal to track what a typical day had been (I am just going to say it, holy shit) and compare to what I am doing now and it's freaking major difference. And I am getting frustrated to think that I've made such major changes but the scales aren't moving. Realistically, I know the weight didn't just happen overnight and so the harsh reality is, that it's not going to come off overnight, but when you are this overweight and trying so hard, it's so very disheartening to not see the numbers on the scale change.

I know I could come here and blow smoke up every one's ass and pretend like I am just so freakin' happy right now and that things are going marvelously, but I can't do it. I have to be honest in this journey. I have to tell my feelings like it is. I have to be honest with myself.

I've done so well up till today when I caved and had a small slice of fresh from the oven banana bread - I made it for the kids, and the smell was intoxicating (and perhaps if you aren't a foodie, that won't make any sense) and all my frustration and I walked right over and took a slice. Do I regret it? Yes and no. Yes, because I was doing so well with myself - staying so strong despite all the temptations. But no because I know that I am going to just pick myself back up and get right back on track for the rest of the day. The fact of the matter is, I am human. I am going to have good days and bad days. I am not proud of myself the past couple days - while up until today I stayed on track, I've just let this nearly eat me alive and that isn't good. I've obsessed - I've jumped on the damn scales at nearly every turn - I am torturing myself - if I didn't know better, I'd think that subconsciously I am trying to sabotage myself - give myself a reason to say it's OK to quit and I can't do that - I can't let this become stronger than me. I won't let it.

So I am going to dust myself off - pick myself back up - move right along.

Every day is a new day.

And I am going to rejoice in those 12lbs that are forever gone.

Week in Review

2011-01-08T05:03:00.000-08:00

It's Saturday again - this week has pretty much flown by! I think the first weeks of changing your eating/exercising habits are the hardest - getting over the cravings - building up your will power - getting into your groove. So, I feel like I am half-way over the big hurdle.

I meant to take my measurements this week and never got around to it. I wanted to be able to see how the loss was stacking up that way as well - I think I'll do that today and just track that from here on out.

One big change that I've made this time around, is tracking my foods. In the past I never did it and I can see now how beneficial it would be. I found on some days, I was really struggling to get my calories in - and it was nice to see where I was at with my fats/carbs for the day. I've been using a site called, My Fitness Pal, to keep track of my food intake and my weight. I've really found I've got to hold myself accountable for everything. Even something as simple as a piece of sugar free gum needs to be counted - because it's not really sugar free - there are still carbs in it. Truthfully, I don't want to waste my carbs on something like a piece of gum - I'd rather have those carbs in the form of some yummy veggies or fruits.

So I got on the scale this morning before doing much else and was *extremely* happy to see a loss - since I started, I've lost 9.4lbs. Now, as I was saying the other day, I know this is primarily water weight esp since I was on my cycle for most of the week and I always retain water, but the thing is, a loss is a loss, and any loss is encouragement and the motivation I need to keep on keepin' on! But I also know that I've worked really hard this week, and that has to count for something.

I have a doctor appointment this coming Wednesday, and I am anxious to see what she has to say when she sees my loss. This is the first time in a long time that I'll be OK with getting weighed at the doctors office - I want her to see that I am indeed making some progress.

I am almost half-way to my first goal and that is so exciting to me. I can already tell there are good things in store for me this year!

Oh, I've weaned myself completely off caffeine and I've greatly reduced the amount of diet soda I am drinking, and really upped the amount of water I am drinking.

So to recap this first week:
9.4lbs lost
Completely off caffeine

Here's looking at week 2! See you next Saturday for another week in review!

Mid Week Check

2011-01-06T12:26:00.000-08:00

today is day 5 of our new, healthy eating so I thought it might be a good time to do a mid week check in.

We are both doing really well - we've kept on track - haven't gotten off track at all. Aside from yesterday, I am finding my energy seems to be returning. (Yesterday I felt "off" , Karl felt "off" the day before - seems everyone we've talked to around us has had a day or two like that - thinking something must be going around.) I did step on the scale this week. I promised myself I'd only weigh myself once a week - I didn't want to become obsessed with it, but damn it, curiosity get the best of me. I am happy to say that there is indeed weight loss. I won't say how much yet - I want to save that for my Saturday blog, since that is my official weigh in day. Now I am sure that most of it is water weight, but you know what? I'll take it! Because right now seeing any loss is such a huge motivator! It's been that time of the month for the last week, and I always retain water, so I imagine that my first official weigh in will be higher than normal because of it!

My mother noticed a difference in my face the other day - she said it looked slimmer. Karl said my jeans looked looser. And I noticed that my jacket felt a bit looser. So something is happening - things are working!

We've been having some great meals - I must say that I really am enjoying the addition of salad to my lunches and dinners - I missed that. I won't lie and say that I haven't had any cravings, because I've had, but I've plugged along and not given in! Yay me!!

I am actually looking forward to weighing in officially on Saturday! So, how are you coming along? Keep up the good work! We can all accomplish our goals this year!